It's Just The Way It Is

It's Just The Way It Is

I lay on the roof of the garage, staring at the transparent silver stars. The soft pink light of the morning sun bathed over the few clouds overhead. I could hear birds singing in the distance, their harmonies sad and lonely. The city around my mother’s house bustled with activity, though I was vaguely aware of it. I sighed heavily, knowing I had to go to school in less than an hour. The thought made me shudder. They know. They all know my secret. Well then, I guess it’s not a secret, is it? I sat up and slid down the side of the roof, jumping through several feet of air to the paved driveway. The small backyard was silent, each blade of grass decorated with several drops of early morning dew. I felt the crisp, leaf filled November wind blow through my hair. Tiny brown helicopter leaves floated from the oak tree over my head to the ground below my feet.

“Rae!” my moms shrill voice screamed from the house. I glanced at the small white building, grimacing as I noticed my mother. She was standing in the doorway of the French glass sliders, with her short blond hair greasy and in a messy bun. Her vivid emerald green pupils were bright, though the shadows underneath them insulted her whole face. The light green blouse she wore looked freshly ironed and the gray skirt beneath was too tight, showing off her thirty-nine-year-old thighs a little too much.

“Come on, we need to leave!” she yelled.

“Coming!” I called back to her.

I made my way inside the house and grabbed my bright orange backpack. Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a partially bruised red apple.

“Throw me one,” my mom yelled from the dining room. I threw one towards the door and saw her catch it, with only her arm sticking out from behind the wall.

Then I turned to the front door and grabbed moms keys from where they hung on a short wooden peg on the wall. Walking out of the doorway to Mothers black SUV, I opened the door and slipped inside. Sliding the key into the ignition, I heard the front door slam shut. I left the drivers door open as I glanced over my shoulder to see my Mother struggling to carry her things to the car. I sighed. Ever since mom had lost her job three months ago, she had become the most unorganized person ever. Now that she got a new job, I don't know how she was going to handle it. I went up to her and took the travel mug from her hand that was spilling coffee along with the brown bag with her lunch in it.

“Mom, you need to do something about this non-organization before I leave for college next year. I am not always going to be here to keep you going,” I complained to her, worried about her wellbeing.

“Honey, I’ll be fine. And anyways, how do you know you are passing history this year? And mathematics?” she asked me.

I shrugged.

“I just will,” I told her, doubting my own words.

I really didn’t know. The bullying had become so bad since my secret got out that I might end up just dropping out of school.

We climbed into the car together and were off. Driving down the street, mom sped to get me to school on time. I watched out the window at the busy world of Rochester. We passed the public market, the green roofed buildings seemed unusually tall, but at least they protected the morning shoppers. In school, I had nobody to protect me. I used to, but now all my friends have become my enemies because of my stupid, stupid secret! We passed by a large elementary school, with children playing gleefully on a large tan playground. Three small girls swung back and forth on the tall swings, laughing as their braids flapped in the wind. I wish I could still be as carefree as them. No worries in the world, no drama to deal with, no really horrible secrets that ruin your life if they get out. Oh, the innocence of childhood.

After several minutes, we pulled in my school parking lot. Groups of kids hung around the front of the brick building, each one its own clique. I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing slowly to calm my beating heart. They know, and they are all going to stare at me because of it. I hate it when people stare at me. I hate being the center of attention.

I can't do it, I can't leave this car.

I glanced at mother, her face filled with worry. I smiled at her, through much effort, and she weakly smiled back.

“Are you going to leave? I can't be late to my new job,” she said, urging me to get out of the car.

“Do I have to go? Can’t you just like…home school me or something?” I asked, gulping as I gripped the door handle.

“Honey, no. Go now or I'll get one of those teachers to take you out of my car!” she smiled playfully, stroking me on the cheek.

“I love you baby,” she kissed me on the forehead. I felt tears rise to my eyes. How can everyone in school know and she doesn't? Should I tell her? No, it would ruin her perfect world of the perfect daughter. The daughter who aces every test and who always offers to help when help is needed. I would let her down, should I tell her.

I opened the door a crack, then slowly wider and wider until I could slip out. I shut the door and kept my head down, in the hopes that nobody would notice me. I can’t hide forever. I could see the group of football players and cheerleaders, and the gathering of the Goth kids. They are so ignorant, so mindless. They just follow their leader but they can't see how truly greedy and cruel the world really is. But I can. I have no leader no friends, and so all of the cruelty must have been slapped onto me. I could see smoke from the Goth kids cigarettes curling into the sky. I passed the clique of rich, preppy teenage girls very, very quietly.

It did no good though.

“Hey, weirdo, where you heading? To loser land?” I heard a girls voice snicker from my left.

I turned, knowing exactly who it was. Bridget Buttons, with her long golden hair and baby blue eyes, was smirking at me. I held my hands up.

“Yeah, that's right. Loser land. I guess I'll meet you there later?” I said, sarcasm rich in my words.

She moved close to me in three insulted strides. Her rose perfume enveloped me and I coughed from the overpowering aroma. Her finger came an inch from my nose and I glared at her, trying to hide how much her words hurt me. How much I didn't want to be there in that predicament right then. How much I just wanted to die.

“You can’t hide anymore, Rae McCormick. We know your secret.”

I turned my back on her and walked inside the building. Stepping into the lobby, I caught sight of my ex-boyfriend as of two days. He stalked towards me, his tall body more muscular than before. I wanted to flee but my feet wouldn't cooperate. He stopped before me, his chocolate eyes penetrating my green-gray ones.

“Why, Rae?” he asked me.

“Why what, Kale?” I snapped, knowing what he was about to ask. I dreaded his next couple words. They would tear me apart. I had never wanted to let him down and yet I did.

“I still love you! I wanted you back, Rae, do you not understand that? And now, that will never happen,” he said, anger ringing in his every word.

I felt tears rise to my eyes. “I’m sorry, Kale, I didn’t mean to. It wasn't my choice! It's not like I can choose to change it! It's who I am! It's just the way it has to be!”

“I just don't understand, Rae,” he looked away from me, “Why did you have to become a lesbian?”

We stood for a couple seconds in a mildly awkward silence. I opened my mouth to say something, but I realized there was nothing left to say. He laughed cynically for a moment then bit his thumb as he always would when he was angry. Then I was caught off guard as he leaned forwards and kissed me on the lips. I stood stunned when he pulled back and looked me in the eyes once more.

“That kiss was for me. To remember how you hurt me.”

I bit my lip and stayed silent, swaying in confusion about who I was and who I wanted to be. The truth was I was lesbian, but I so wanted to be with Kyle. He once more cynically laughed, then turned and walked away. I was left alone with my severely jumbled thoughts and my brain that had now turned to mush.

This made me sad. Hugs* This is very beautiful. It sorta reminds me of my own deep secret since its the same ....as the girl here. Anyways I have been through bullying before and now its gone but the affects still linger. I can't wait to read more soon. I love this and can't wait for more; if you will keep it going. Good luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

This was a really good story! You had me paying attention at once and the build up was good! I was constantly wondering what the secret was and I felt really sorry for her. Very well written!

You have a good language and it's easy to follow the story. The only thing i have to say about the text as a whole is that someimes we get to know stuff that isn't really relevant at all, and there are a bit too many descriptions that doesn't have a point at all. Sometimes it's a litany about how things look and what she can see, but it's not really a point to it. A lot of places you could easily put in some feelings and thoughs and description of the atmosphere instead of just a description. Remember that we don't want to know what the painting looks like, we want to know what it feel like in the painting!

But nevertheless, this is a really good story and I very much enjoyed reading it! The voice is clear and strong and you tell in an intruiging way!

So red and green aren't actually right and wrong, most of the time I just have a suggestion for another way of writing it, it doens't mean my option is right though, it's just my preferences and the way I would do it. This is actually really well written!

#FF0000 ">Red: Wrong
Green: Right
Purple: My comments
Blue: I'm talking about these two things.

I lay on the roof of the garage, staring at the transparent silver stars. The soft pink light of the morning sun bathed over the few clouds overhead. I could hear birds singing in the distance, their harmonies sad and lonely. The city around my mother’s house bustled with activity, though I was vaguely aware of it. This was great! Your description really set the mood, well done. I sighed heavily, knowing I had to go to school in less than an hour. The thought made me shudder. They know. They all know my secret. Well then, I guess it’s not a secret, is it? I sat up and slid down the side of the roof, jumping through several feet of air to the paved driveway. The small backyard was silent, each blade of grass decorated with several drops of early morning dew. I felt the crisp, leaf filled November wind blow through my hair. Tiny brown helicopter leaves floated from the oak tree over my head to the ground below my feet.

I loved this first paragraph. It set a beautiful opening and the flow was good. It was easy to pay attention and I got into the story straight away!

“Rae!” my mothers shrill voice screamed from the house. I glanced at the small white building#FF0000 ">, #FF0000 ">no comma and grimaced as I noticed my mother standing in the doorway of the French glass sliders. This sentence was a bit long. Maybe if you set a period after "mother" and then started the next sentence with "She was standing"? I think it would be easier to read then, long sentences are hard to follow. Her blond hair was greasy. Her vivid baby blue pupils were bright, though the shadows underneath them insulted her whole face. Here you started both sentences with "her" and it became a bit stagnating to read. The light green blouse she wore looked freshly ironed and the gray skirt beneath was too tight, #FF0000 ">it showed showing* off her thirty-nine-year-old thighs a little too much.

I think this was a bit too much description of what things look like. The colour of her blouse and what sort of doorway she's standing in isn't really relevant, and in this paragraph it seemed to only be a list of adjectives. Maybe mix it with some thoughts and feelings or happenings? Anything really, as long as it isn't just descriptions.

“Come on, we need to leave!” she yelled.

“Coming!” I called back to her.

#FF0000 ">Mother I think "mother" sounds very official and stiff. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I would have said "My mother" or "mum", but it's not really a big deal. just got a new job. Three months ago, she was fired from her position at Xerox and since last Monday, she has worked as a secretary for Dr. Murphy at the newly built doctor’s office on Main Street. I don't understand why we get this information? It doesn't seem to be relevant for the plot or anything, and it seems kind of like "filling" for the story, to have something to write. Either way, it was uninteresting to read and it didn't have any meaning at all. It wouldn't hurt the story at all to just cut this paragraph.

I made my way inside the house, grabbing my bright orange backpack. It was small, with one thin binder and a very thick book inside of it. This as well is very trivial information that doesn't mean anything. I would put a period after "house" and then cut up until here. Walking into the kitchen, I grabbed a partially bruised red apple.

Not that it matters, but these paragrapghs have a few too many lines in between them - as does the rest of the story. It would look better if you fixed that, but like I said it doesn't really matter.

“Throw me one,” my mother #FF0000 ">called to me yelled* or said* from the dining room. I threw one towards the door and saw her catch it, with only her arm sticking out from behind the wall #FF0000 ">between the rooms. We don't really need to know that the wall is between the rooms, that's where they usually are.

#FF0000 ">Then I would cut "then." I turned to the front door, #FF0000 ">with an elegant brass doorbell on it, This as well is really unneccessary information. and grabbed mother’s keys from where they hung on a short wooden peg on the wall.#FF0000 "> The small silver key to the house sat on the chrome ring amongst several others, all their edges jagged and sharp, including the key for the car and to Mothers office. I don't understand why we read this. If it had some sort of emotional impact, like "all their edges jagged and sharp, reminding me slightly of what was expecting me at school" or whatever. (That was a bad example, but you get my point?) I walked out of the doorway to Mothers Is Mother a name? Otherwise it doesn't need a capital letter. Also it seems a bit awkward, I don't know why, but i would just say "the black SUV" black SUV and opened the door. Sliding the key into the ignition, #FF0000 ">I heard the door slam shut. Which door is this? The car-door? The front-door of the house? The door at her mothers side of the car? I left the drivers door open as I glanced over my shoulder to see my Mother struggling to carry her things to the car. I went up to her and took the travel mug from her hand that was spilling coffee along with the brown bag with her lunch in it.

Apart from what I commented I liked this! Especially the part where her mther is this big clutz, it gives us something. We get some part of her mother, and that helps readers empazise with the story! You could easily put a lot more of this into the story inbetween all the descriptions, telling us something about how her mother losing her job affected their lives or how she acts or something.

“Mother, you need to do something about all this stuff before I leave for collage next year. This was a bit unclear, she needs to find a place to put her coffee mug before she leaves for college? Or she needs to generally pick up her act and get more oranized? #FF0000 ">I am I'm* not always going to be here to keep you going,” I complained to her, worried about her wellbeing. This is sweet!

“Honey, I’ll be fine. And anyways, how do you know you are passing history this year? And #FF0000 ">math maths*?” she asked me.

I shrugged.

“I just will,” I told her, #FF0000 ">in doubt with myself. doubting myself*

I really don’t know. I mean, the bullying #FF0000 ">has had* become so bad since my secret got out that#FF0000 ">…that I don't know, but for me it seems off that she's stammering and halting in her thinking. I might drop out of school. Here you changed tense. "I told her" is past, and then it needs to be "I really didn't know" and when she's thinking to herself she doesn't really need to explain what she means, so I would drop "I mean".

This is a good! We get to know more about the bullying, and how she feels about it. I would put in more feelings, tell us more about how lonely and awful she feels.

#FF0000 ">Mother and I we* climbed into the car together, smiling at each other, Maybe? Just a suggestion. and were off. We drove down the street, mother As you just wrote "we drove" it seems weird to put only "mother" as the one speeding later. I know that only one of them can actually drive, but I would drop "mother" either way. We all get that it's not both of them cramming the pedal down. speeding to get me to school on time. I watched out the window#FF0000 ">, seeing at* the busy world of Rochester. We passed the public market, #FF0000 ">the green roofed half-buildings tall, protecting their morning shoppers. I didn't get this, but that very well might just be me being ignorant. What's a green roofed half-buildings tall? And how does it protect anyone? I'm picturing a living and breathing building that's not quite finished, but till able to rund around with shields and swords to shield customers from... dragons? We passed by #FF0000 ">a the* large elementary school, #FF0000 ">with many young children playing on a tan playground. children playing happily on the tan playground.* All children are young, really. Three small girls swung back and forth on the tall swings, laughing as their braids flapped in the wind. This was nice! After several minutes, #FF0000 ">mother we* pulled in at my school parking lot. Groups of kids hung around the front of the brick building, each one its own clique.

I like the car drive, how you see the town and all the people in it. But I feel there could be a lot of emotion inserted in it! Write something about how she misses being a child without worries as they drive past the elementary school, how she customers seem to have such a nice, peaceful morning. Also, what is the atmosphere like? Is there music on? Is it an awkward silence between her mother and her or are they just peacefully enjoying the silence? Is the sun shining in their eyes? I want anything. Now we only see things, but we don't know how she feels about them or what she's thinking about them.

I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing slowly to calm my beating heart. They know, and they are all going to stare at me because of it. I hate it* when people stare at me. I hate being the center of attention. This is good! We're getting some emotion!

I glanced at mother, her face annoyed. Why is she annoyed? I smiled at her, through much effort, and she annoyingly is she annoyed or is it annoying that she's smiling?smiled back.

“Are you going to leave? I #FF0000 ">cannot can't* be late to my new job,” she said, #FF0000 ">begging urging* It doesn't quite seem like begging. me to get out of her car.

“Do I have to go? Can’t you just like…home school me or something?” I asked, gulping as I gripped the door handle.

“Honey, no. Go now or #FF0000 ">else I will I'll* get one of those sentries what's a sentrie? to take you out of my car!” she smiled playfully I thought she was annoyed?, #FF0000 ">touching stroking? patting? shoving? pushing?* I don't know, but just touching seems a bit weird. me on the shoulder.

I really liked this! How she doesn't want to go, and almost breaks down right at the end, not saying anything about it before she really faces it, it shows how she's ashamed about being bullied and also how much she dreads going to school!

I opened the door a crack, Did she just open the door a crack and then jump out? How skinny is she? then jumped out of the car#FF0000 ">, no comma and shut the door. I kept my #FF0000 ">face head* down, #FF0000 ">in the hopes hoping* that no one would notice me walking up to the school. I #FF0000 ">can’t couldn't* hide forever. I #FF0000 ">could see passed* the group of football players and cheerleaders, and the gathering of the Goth kids. How are they acting? What's she feeling as she walks past them? I could see and smell smoke from their cigarettes curling into the sky. I passed the clique of rich, preppy children very, very quietly. It did no good though.

This is good tension bulding! Very nice!

“There goes the weirdo,” I heard a girls voice say from my left.

I turned, knowing exactly who it was. Bridget Buttons, with her long golden hair and baby blue eyes, I don't know why, but her mum and Bridget having the exact same eye-colous was no good for me! I didn't quite like it. was smirking at me. I held my hands up. I think this seems a little off, it seems to me that she just wanted to go past them without being noticed. I get that she doesn't want to take shit lying down, but it wasn't that much provocation. Maybe if you had Bridgette say something like "HEY, weirdo! You going to class?" or something along those lines it would seem more natural.

“Oh no! You caught me, Bridget!” I said, sarcasm rich in my words.

She moved #FF0000 ">close closer* to me, her rose perfume enveloping me. I coughed from the overpowering aroma as I found her finger in my face.

“You can’t hide anymore, Rae McCormick. We know your secret.”

I turned my back on her and walked inside the building. #FF0000 ">I stepped into the lobby of the school. Then, I caught Stepping into the lobby, I caught sight* You started both sentences with "I turned" and "I stepped" and it seemed a bit repetitive. Also, we don't need to know that the lobby is in the school, it's quite obvious. sight of my ex-boyfriend coming towards me. His tall, lean body seemed more muscular than before, and his brown eyes were darker in the buildings light[/color] [color=#8000BF]hasn't she seen his eyes in those lights a lot of times before?. He walked up to me before I could even attempt to flee.

“Why, Rae?”

“Why what, Kale?” I snapped, knowing what he was about to ask.

“I still love you! I wanted you #FF0000 ">again back* , Rae, do you not understand that? And now, that will never happen,” #FF0000 ">he said to me, angrily. He said, anger clear in his voice*

I felt tears rise to my eyes. “I’m sorry, Kale, I didn’t mean to. It’s not my choice! Its not like I can choose to change it! #FF0000 ">Its it's who I am! It's just the way it has to be.”

“I just don’t understand. Why did you have to be a lesbian?”

Although this is really great, I feel a little deprived of an ending! Maybe say something about how he walks away and she stands there all alone and someone yells something at her and we get to know how she feels? other than that I love the ending! It's a brilliant plot and it's well built up!

Well done, good job, keep writing!

Wow that was great, you had me hooked from the moment you mentioned a secret. College was spelled wrong (typo?) but that's the only mistake I could find. Thanks for the read.

You made this even more interesting now!!! I want to know what happens please continue on with this!! The corrections really helped this a lot. Still leaving me wanting more haha!! Good luck okies? Keep up the brilliant work and I'll keep an eye out for more of your works. Happy Writing!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

This became really good!

The few changes really did bring the story out in a great way! I only noticed a couple of very small nitpicks here, but I couln't remember them when I'd finished reading so they can't have been too important!

Great job, this is a really good story and you've portrayed it well! Keep it up