Tribulation

Haha, I started this in my head on a walk, then quit about where I say

Spoiler

forget this.

, In case you couldn't tell. XD It amuses me, so I'm gonna keep it that way.

And the "I'mma" is...um.....dialogue....no....dialect? I think that's it. Anyway, I tend to write things the way they're pronounced, so it's supposed to be written like that.

Spoiler

Edit: changed the first repetitive "long" line. Lemme know if it fits.

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Head's achin'
Back's breakin'
This abuse has clearly taken
Its toll on me
I used to be
So happy, blithe and carefree
You comfort me
It's not enough
God, You said You'd fill my cup!
I know You want to make me strong
But sometimes things just feel so wrong
I have no place where I belong
Though I know better, still I long
For what, it seems, to me I lack--
Forget this.
I'mma hit the sack.

Overall, I like the clear and simple message in the poem. Most poetry fail without being abstract . . . this one is an exception.

Head's achin'
Back's breakin'
This abuse has clearly taken
Its toll on me

This is very well written. The beauty of simplicity.

God, You said You'd fill my cup!

this line, as short as it is, says alot. I love it.

But Lord, these trials, they feel so long

Be cautious of using words for the sake of rhyming. "Long", doesn't really do it for me as your reader.

I have no place where I belong
Though I know better, still I long

Creative word play! I like how this sounds when I say it out loud. Good work.

Great Work!

This is definitely a "lyric" poem, it is very rhythmic and it can kind of be sung. My one complaint is the redundant use of "long," otherwise the rest is stylistic differences. You're right that this is amusing, which is important, as the tone of this poem really reveals the message.

Thanks guys! I'll try to fix on the redundant "long" usage--I can't think of anything else that would fit, but I'm working on it.

Wow. Awesome poem. I loved the rhymes. Sometimes, I feel that way too. But just know that sooner or later things will shine for you No worries