Haunting Darkness

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Points 1276
Reviews 378
In the cold dark forest

I lay down to rest

Feeling the darkness settle

In the light that meddles

Looking up I see the red eyes

That looked like crimson skies

And the love he gives so freely

Unlike the word who gives out pain so cruelly

In the forest

I look into emerald eyes

Like emerald ice

Whose pale face

Betrays the Darkness around her

As I watch her smile

That lights up my world

Unlike the pain that darkens
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.




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Points 1040
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Unlike the word who gives out pain so cruelly
I had to slow down reading the poem to read this line. It seemed kind of long and took the flow out of the poem.

Other than that, I don't see any grammar errors. Maybe someone else will point those out if there are any. I love the imagery. You are very good at describing what is there and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
90% of writing is re-writing!




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Points 1167
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Bravo! You really know how to capture a feeling and/or image.

Keep it up.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1276
Reviews 378
Thanks for the reviews guys ^^ glad you liked it
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.



akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon