to whom it may concern

This is a quick bit of stream of consciousness after reading The Sound and the Fury. I wrote this in about an hour after being really tired at school. Hopefully, it's understandable. The non-capitalizations are purposeful, if you didn't notice.



to whom it may concern:

gotta art-ify a cucumber. it’s a green cucumber. what else is there to say? i’m tired. it’s green and slightly spiky. cool, thats right too. cool as a cucumber, or something like that. i’m tired, why am i tired. music isn’t even going to help me get un-tired. i need some sleep, but its not time to sleep. the project, the cucumber, why the hell a cucumber? makes no difference to me. maybe prof’s got a cucumber farm or something. i’m tired. i should sleep with cucumber slices on my eyes, then i’ll adopt the essence of cucumbers into my empty head. maybe food is good. cucumber slices maybe? i’m thirsty and tired. i’m tired. why is it a cucumber? damn cucumber.

to whom it may concern:

damn cucumber. why are you green. no cucumbers for dinner tonight, i drew them all away. stupid art project. stupid college. art. i need some salt water.

to whom It may concern:

salt water. refreshing, sea spray. i like the bluish sea. no more cucumber green. green, no, no, not green. blue. air. boat-spray. white boat, blue water, salt water. not green. onward, to travel ahead. blaze a path across the stars. cucumbers can’t be cool when they’re in the ocean. go ahead and rot.

to whom it may concern:

blue > green. this is necessary. i’m not tired. music helps. i’m not tired. above it. i must be above it. i am above it. new things to do. write something. download to a page. barf it right onto the page. it’ll look pretty later. what is pretty? why pretty? why not pretty? pretty is for wimps. blue is good. i’m not tired. i’m distant.

to whom it may concern:

i’m distant. its part of the art thing. why can’t i be inside. why can’t i be in the action. because i comment on it. and i can’t comment on myself without being wrong. logic. but i’m an art student, why do i believe in logic. logic didn’t make half the things humans like. money and greed, now you’re talking. damn the money. i’m in a cheap apartment in portland and i’m fine. the happiest people aren’t the richest people. it’s in the change, its fleeting. i’m distant. it’s fleeting. you have to keep getting it. or you have to compare it to something else. its nothing if there’s nothing to compare against. “no mountains to make them cower, to judge themselves against.” ray bradbury wrote. fire-captain beatty was right but wrong. i’m distant. it’s fleeting. beatty was right but wrong. facts can be true or untrue. things can be black and white. but there is more. there are colors. there are shades. money and greed. it’s fleeting. i’m distant. i’m at home when i’m distant.

to whom it may concern:

i hate cucumbers. i don’t care if they’re cool.

to whom it may concern:

i like my boat. ocean and distance. no cool codes or cucumbers. boat on blue on black. sky blue and black. boat onward blue and black. glass-bottle ship goes sailing. sooner or later it’s going to break. it will possibly capsize. it might make it. glass-bottle ship will crack when it sails. are you ready? plug the cracks or let it break and man the wheel. the ocean can set you free. it’s certainly big enough.

to whom it may concern:

crumpled me. i, who is crumpled. problems should be crumpled, not me. crumple some paper and watch the chain reaction. throw the paper into the river. get yelled at by some cucumber. damn cucumbers. idiots on the tv, call them cucumbers. idiots on the radio, call them cucumbers. idiots in popular “music,” call them cucumbers. cucumbers everywhere, cucumberian people.

to whom it may concern:

cucumber uncrumpled me with my hate. appreciate the cucumbers for a moment, then hate them. cucumberian people try to be cool. cool as a cucumber. sea foam beats them though.

to whom it may concern:

cucumbers can die. i am done with them. ocean wins.

Wow. Okay it's certainly interesting. And I found it really hard to ignore the lack of capitalization, particularly the I's. That's a pet peeve of mine.

Okay so what I'm understanding from this is you wrote something you were thinking? And I'm kind of confused on the to whom it may concern letters and what role they play in whatever this is. I'm also finding it hard to see the plot line. He hates cucumbers and then he decides he's done with them? That's what I got. And I find it unnecessary to go through all that for one sentence at the end and wouldn't he be done with cucumbers long before that?

I know you meant to do the bad capitalization, but what about the question marks? You did for some of it but not all so I was confused if you had some kind of pattern. I'm just going to point the ones I found out.

i’m tired, why am i tired.

why are you green.

why can’t i be inside. why can’t i be in the action.

And here's some improper grammar:

“no mountains to make them cower, to judge themselves against.” ray bradbury wrote.

So who exactly is the character in this? Whoever he is, I'm wondering about his education level. Maybe this would make more sense if their was a background story or something.

I don't want you to think I'm some grumpy person that's obsessed with making the perfect story with perfect grammar. Believe me I'm not. This story just completely confused me. It sounds like it could be kind of funny, if I knew what was going on and why he (or she) was writing these.

But if there was one thing I really did like it was your character development. You might have had me confused with who your character was but I do know a little about his personality and you nailed it perfectly. I really feel like you've been inside your character's head.

I hope this review helped and you didn't think I just totally didn't understand your story and my review was useless. Just maybe make it a little easier to understand:)

Okay, I'm not quite sure what to make of this, but I have to say, it was funny. Like a sleep deprived art student all hopped up on caffine and it's the middle of the night and they're ranting on and on about nothing. I don't think I would have ever thought of writing something like this. It shows creativity, and I can appreciate that.

I'm not quite sure the point you were intending to make with all the lower case letters, but I assume it's to show purposeful carelessness in using correct punctuation. So I won't further comment since it was an intended effect of yours. Even if I don't quite understand it.

There was a part here:

crumpled me. i, who is crumpled.

This should be, "i, who am crumpled." Just a small nitpick there. But overall, I found entertainment reading this. I can enjoy a good senseless rant. Good work.

Hm... that was... very intriguing...

I liked it a lot. There aren't very many grammar errors I saw... besides the fact that not a single word was capitalized. That was rather distracting, and subtracted from the over all awesome flow of this story.

It did flow incredibly, I think it's sort of like a monologue or something... something with which you would stand on a stage and yell at a bunch of unsuspecting viewers...

I don’t really know what else to say… I’m impressed. Keep it up (but try using the shift button, PLEASE!)

--
Tabby

As SmylinG inferred, this is basically the rants of an art student in the raw. It is written in the style of stream of consciousness, and it's supposed to be like jumping into the character's head. In this case, the character is the art student angry at cucumbers. For the first time, I think I'm going to review what I wrote, change the things that seem to be distracting, and repost it. Thanks for the critiques, everyone!

Alrighty, the new version is up at topic78407.html.