Jelly and Bread

A lie can compare to jelly and bread
You have the knife that makes it spread
The more you lie
The more thats spread
The heavier spread
The more lies said
I hope you understand the moral that I read

You mean that you wrote, not read!

I don't actually get what you have to say. Lies can spread and jelly can spread, but eagles can spread their wings and you can spread a sheet on a mattress and a virus can spread and decimate the human population (I'm thinking Spanish influenza, but I am kind of a nerd). So, the point is a lot of things can spread. Why is a lie specifically like jelly?

Also, the moral... you're not actually telling us a moral! You're telling us that something can happen, but that's not a moral. A warning, maybe. A moral would be something like, "Lying is bad." You don't actually say that anything is bad. So! If you want to include a moral, then you have to include some sort of judgment!

Also... now I want to eat a peanut butter jelly sandwich. It's all your fault!

JUST DONT SPREAD THE JELLY! Is that what you mean? Like, dont spread evil.

Hi, Sakin here. I like this! It's childish in a way, yet mature. It's very unique. Keep writing stuff like this, it could get you somewhere, because this is cute. One thing. I do believe you mean 'wrote' at the end instead of 'read'. That was the only problem I found. If you need me to look at anything else, please send me a link, I'd be more than happy to read it! Good luck with your writing.

~Forsakinshadow~

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

Snoink there has some very good points. How is a lie specifically like jelly on bread? And this is no moral, it's something you're telling us. It's a cute poem though. You've got a nice idea, and there isn't much to review about it.

However, it is an interesting comparison. I would never have thought of it like this. It's kind of cool.

Sweet poem.

Lavvi

The more that's spread

That was the only grammar thing I found. Cute analogy. And it rhymes! I love poems that rhyme!
Keep writing!

Its making me hungry.

This poem was short and sweet. (:
It had a good message but told it in a cute way!