Nightfall

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NIGHTFALL

The dusky sky is turning blacker,
Bright stars are coming out.
The blueness is fading away,
Night brings her fears and doubts.

The Sun is a red ball on the horizon,
The clouds are streamers of fire.
Black smoke begins to rise,
From the Suns’ funeral pyre.

The time for stories has come,
The time for ghosts and ghouls,
Night is the kingdom of evil,
An evil that is trying still to rule.

The wives of the Sun are crying,
Silver Moon rejoices o’er all.
Young child of the Sun is standing,
Remembering his father proud and tall.

The priest is rambling on and on,
As the last of the light drains away.
The words wash over me like smoke,
As I remember the light of Day.

Later as I walk back home,
Through the fields of whispering corn,
I remember the heat of day,
The beauty from the Sun born.

Nightfall comes without a star,
Dawn comes without the Sun.
The Day is cool and unforgiving,
The world seems to be all shades of dun.

Yet as I weep I look again,
At the sky above my head.
And I smile for I realise,
The Sun has only gone to bed.
Last edited by edders05 on Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:02 am, edited 2 times in total.
From the shadows a fire shall be woken
A light from the shadows shall spring
Renewed shall be blade that was broken
The crownless again shall be king
J.R.R Tolkein




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You make the poem slowly develop becoming more tense until the final few lines suddenly cool down. This was a good poem. Created a good affect.
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~




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Very nice.
In the first four stanzas, you use 'the' too many times.
Well done.

-*Twinkles
*~*Shining through the dark black night...Twinkling Starz*~*




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I have taken out a few of the 'the's' - thanks for the info! :D
From the shadows a fire shall be woken
A light from the shadows shall spring
Renewed shall be blade that was broken
The crownless again shall be king
J.R.R Tolkein




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
From the Suns’ funeral pyre.

Should be "Sun's."

The beauty from the Sun born.

I think it's borne.

Yet as I weep I look again,
At the sky above my head.
And I smile for I realise,
The Sun has only gone to bed.


These lines seem strange -- I think it's the last line's fault. It seems too long with the rest. I don't know...

Otherwise, good job.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Resistance is futile.
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