Shameless Lies

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 9
Blame a friend,
Blame a trend.
Blame a beginning
Or an end.

Blame not yourself,
But another,
And you my friend
Will soon discover,

That your doings
Are yours alone!
And for every action,
You will atone!

So do not lie,
Don't shift the blame!
For if you act wisely,
There should be
............ no shame!

edited a few times.
Thanks Calli :wink:
Last edited by BoZi on Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:40 pm, edited 4 times in total.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2486
Reviews 21
Hey pal. Lol
I like the title introspection, it really is what your poem is all about. Maybe play around with the meaning of introspection and the thoughts you had when you wrote the poem. I believe you will find something because no one knows as much as you know about your work.
Loved how concise you were with your words, you had no A.F.B. Lol;) even though sometimes A.F.B. is good I believe in your poem the conciseness deepens its meaning as people need to stop beating around the bush and really look at themselves. The poem itself was great, the rhythm really blended with the poems message and urges the reader on yet still makes the think. Great use of both rhyme and rhythm, it allowed the poem to flow without being monotonous. One of the things I noticed was that even though your poems meaning was portrayed it could be made clearer. I suggest rethinking the last 2 lines by maybe adding another line before or after, depending where you feel would be beter. Give the reader one more provocative thought before giving the climaxing end. I suggest rethinking the climax for a better impact.
Utterly loved this piece even though there is room for improvement. You are on the right track, keep goin.
Im watching you. Lol
ToLy:D
"You know you're in love when you can't go to sleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams." Dr Seuss




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 9
Hehe buddy
I dislike AFBS!! lol....
I agree with your point, however am very lost on how to rectify it. Will think it through...
BoZiiiiiiiiii
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.



We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare