Time

Yesterday I was a sprout,
Youthful, young, taintless and unblemished.
I had nothing to worry about.

Today I'm a fresh flower,
Bright coloured, vivid, loved and cherished.
I have strenght, unlimited power...

Tomorrow... will I be just
The petal that's blown up to the sky?
Unmerciful time, can you not stop?

If only
I would never have to say "goodbye"...
I cannot make the past
Forever last.
I cannot change the present
And cannot tell the future.

The only thing I know is that today's tomorrow's yesterday.

writerwithacause wrote:Yesterday I was a sprout,
Youthful, young, taintless and unblemished. Try just unblemished.
I had nothing to worry about.

Today I'm a fresh flower,
Bright coloured, vivid, loved and cherished. Try without vivid.
I have strenght, unlimited power... strength*

Tomorrow... will I be just Try with out just.
The petal that's blown up to the sky?
Unmerciful time, can you not stop?

If only
I would never have to say "goodbye"... Maybe I never had to say "goodbye"?
I cannot make the past
Forever last.
I cannot change the present
And cannot tell the future.

The only thing I know is that today's tomorrow's yesterday. Try today is?

I really like it. Maybe try some of my suggestions? You don't have to. All poems are up for different interpretations.

Time is a scary thing... I don't think I've reached the age where I start worrying about getting old yet.

What's the difference between youthful and young, in that first verse? Is it young is a physical state and youthful is a mental state?

I think I'm too conservative when it comes to poems; half the time my brain screams out at people blatantly ignoring the rules only elementary schoolers really have to follow when the poem has real thought behind it. I like the metaphor of the flower throughout, and I like how you described time as 'unmerciful' in that third verse; I disagree with your meter. I also like the today's tomorrow's yesterday at the end. Your consistent rule of three (with the past, present, and future) and your summing it up at the end as well, is nice and neat.

I really enjoyed reading this I think you do need to just re-check what you're writing though for spelling mistakes. Also, a technique I always use when writing a poem is to say the poem outloud. It helps me get the rhythm of the poem right, so it flows much better.
A good idea though, and so true. Time is a most depressing thing. But then, all things take time to develop and grow, you never know whats round the corner in your path of life!

Hello there. I am here for the review and we shall directly get down to you.

Yesterday I was a sprout,
Youthful, young, taintless and unblemished. This line is too long. Straight away it breaks the flow of the stanza which you wanted to create.
I had nothing to worry about.

Today I'm a fresh flower,
Bright coloured, vivid, loved and cherished. Bright, vivid, loved and cherished.
I have strenght, unlimited power... I have strength and unlimited power.

Tomorrow... will I be just Does not sound good. Reword this.
The petal that's blown up to the sky? The petal thats blown to the skies?
Unmerciful time, can you not stop? Who is you here? Details!

If only
I would never have to say "goodbye"... never have said/never had to say
I cannot make the past
Forever last.
I cannot change the present
And cannot tell the future.

The only thing I know is that today's tomorrow's yesterday. Too long and why is this separated from the poem? First i ignored it and thought that it was not a part of the poem.

Keep writing..

Thank you everybody for your suggestions!