Move With Godspeed

So...this is the result of me wanting to write something even though I'm not inspired. >.< I hope it makes sense though.

Hi Whisperer!

I’d like to firstly congratulate you on writing through lack of inspiration! I’m never very good at forcing myself to write and make it work. At the same time, I think you’re very brave to take on such a short rhyming poem, I personally have a lot of issues rhyming. This in mind, feel free to PM me to ask any questions about my review today, you can also contact me on my wall.

Okay! We’ll tackle the rhyming first. This is eight lines of what seem rather forced rhymes. Particularly your last lines, where “hurled” is a slant rhyme, which means that it doesn’t *actually* rhyme with the “world”, they only sound kind of similar. You’ve kept it simple through the poem, so I don’t really mind all of the very easy rhymes “same/name” and I think they work toward your content. It’s all about speed, and the short easy rhymes are speedy indeed! I also think the rhyme helps with what you’re saying because it picks up the pace of the poem very nicely.

Try and remember that you don’t have to capitalise every line! Like with prose, poetry works really well when you add in punctuation and things like that. What I do with my own poetry is I arrange my lines as a paragraph and punctuate like that first. Once that’s done, I delete and add to my little heart’s content, using my Artistic Liberty (It’s my favourite part of creating). Because you don’t have any punctuation here, I’m reading each line as a statement, which is ruining all of the rhythm your rhyme works so hard to keep. I’d like to see it flow, line to line with a fresh, quick pace. You could even have some fun with exclamation marks and dashes here; this seems like the kind of fun, free poem that would enjoy it.

I like what you’ve got here, content wise, and I’m not going to ask you to change too much of it, because I think this was an exercise for you in writing through lack of inspiration. If you would like a more in-depth critique, which would cover all of the more specific issues I might raise, please tell me! I’d love to help you out any way I can.

Thank you so much for the read,
- Penguin