Perplexity

Hi! This is one of my first ever poems. I hope you enjoy!


My conscience is a swirl,
in my own personal hurricane.

Different voices,
surround me.
Their chatter,
loud and obnoxious.

Faces swirl,
around me.
To many faces to remember.
They blur into one.

My mind is exploding.
So many people.
My mind can’t take in anymore.

As a starting poem, this really isn't horrible. But it could still use a lot of work.

My conscience is a swirl, I get kind of a mental image here, but it's a little weird and at the same time cliche.
in my own personal hurricane. Not a fan of this line, either.

Different voices, No need for the comma, it gives it a weird break.
surround me.
Their chatter,
loud and obnoxious. I don't like these lines, either.

Faces swirl, Don't like the image I get or the repetition.
around me.
To many faces to remember.
They blur into one.

My mind is exploding.
So many people.
My mind can’t take in anymore.

Well, I think if you just work on poetry your writing could be a lot better. When I first came to the site I couldn't write a thing, so I hope you don't take this critique to heart and know that I'm just doing this because I know how much a stricter review does more than one that's completely sugar-coated. Actually, my writing started out a whole lot like yours. I don't know whether or not I'd call my poetry "good," but it's definitely improved since I've gotten a bunch of input. Keep working, and the same will happen for you. So, a few tips - keep away from the cliche, avoid the "emo" poetry, and don't be afraid to try anything new.
And keep writing!
StoryWeaver

"To many faces to remember." It should be "too".

For one of your first poem you seem to get it. The first two lines I liked and hooked me into the rest. The rest however was rather plain/cliche and more pauses than I think the poem should have. In your next poem I challenge you to expand upon your last stanza and describe it, using devices to show the feeling.

Hello
So I don't do poetry either, so this may be a little like the blind leading the blind, but ill try my best
I kindve understood the picture you were trying to create, the swirling and the exploding all making up this confusion, but it was sort of just you telling us about this mess goijng on and it didint really create any interest,or emotion within the reader.
Try adding some thing for us to play with instead of the usuals.

I liked this poem. I understood it well. I will have to disagree with the comment above. I think it does create emotion in the reader. It did for me. It reminds me of the way I feel when I'm off my Ritalin. Haha.

I like the line, "too many faces to remember". Definitely relatable.

It sounds like you wrote this while you were experiencing it which I like. There are some things that you can change later on like StoryWeaver mentioned (except the "loud and obnoxious" part, I liked that) but even without edits, I think it's a great first poem. Good job.

Thanks for all the reviews! I wrote this poem when I was off my ADD medicine, so I was trying to describe how I felt. Thanks again for the reviews.

I like it! I like the fact that you had actual punctuaution in your poem. Many people don't. (I myself didn't until Lumi pointed it out. ) I don't have much to say about this...it seems like you already edited it based on reviews you already received. I liked the feeling of chaos that the poem creates.

My conscience is a swirl,
in my own personal hurricane.

I, especially, love these two lines. Keep writing!
Sorry, I wasn't much help by the way.

Hi! I don't write to much poetery but I do enjoy reading it. I liked the picture you were trying to paint, but I think it should be a little more captivating. The first two lines grab you and make you want to read the rest but after that it falls into a plain rather disapointing poem. You say

My conscience is a swirl

but never mention the conscience again. With a little work I think that this could be an awesome poem.