The Unavailing

2 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
Can you imagine?

Imagine yourself inhaling and exhaling thick, warm air as your strutting over on stage--hovering over your fans. Heart is fucking pounding like crazy. A little harder and faster than normal. Grabbing the mic-stand and gripping it tightly in both hands. You flash a crooked smile. A roar from the crowd is so loud, so much--that it's almost overwhelming.

Or.

Can your imagine yourself as a guitarist? Feeling that same warm, thick air; hearing that same roar from the crowd as you adjust the guitar strap firmly over yourself. Heart racing so fast, you just might die up here. Placing your fingers into the right frets and on the right strings--hoping that the show goes just okay, just right... without any fuck-ups.

Maybe.
Your Bass or Keys. Heading up to your area and getting this shit started. Plugging your Amp cable into the Bass guitar or turning on your keyboard. Remembering to focus on the music and the notes and not the bullshit that goes on behind the stage or not to pay attention to the faces in the crowd. No mess-ups, no problems. The drummer takes his seat, doing nice little finger tricks with his drumsticks. Sitting down behind his drum set--that reads: The Unavailing in white bold letters on the bass drum.

The drummer claps his drumsticks together for a three count. The music starts. The Guitar players, Bass and Keys start doing what they do--the lead singer waits until it's his cue to join in.

Yeah. This is the adventure on stage. But no ever knows the adventure off stage of young rock musicians. These were just six guys from Vintage Park, now they're Somebodies.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4822
Reviews 220
I love this. It gets you right into the mood straight away and pulls you right into the story. I also love the perspective, it rakes real skill to pull something like that off. I will defiantly be keeping watch of this story.
I'm not particularly great with reviewing stories but here I go.
warm air as your strutting over on stage
Does not make sense.

so much--that it's almost overwhelming.
The line things are unnecessary and not what you would usually put into a sentence. The almost also does not sound good,as in 'almost there', 'almost winning', it doesn't fit with the feel of the story. Maybe try ' A deafening roar from the crowd knocks you of your feet, so loud, so much, it's over whelming' or something like that.

I like how you seem to give each band member a personality. Great work so far!

Oh and Welcome YWS, I'm new as well but the people here are very friendly.

Oh, and probably needs and 16+ rating. To much profanity, personally I put a swear in every sentence but some people don't like that kind of stuff.
Stay gold, Ponyboy - S.E. Hinton



No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates