the angel nobody appreciated

the angel nobody appreciated,
sat alone in the park,
her wings torn by the abuse,
and her soul torn by the insults,
she isn't like the other girls,
she finds it hard to be the same,
partly because she dosen't want to,
but partly because the other girls are scared of the unknown,
she is very clever and will do well in life,
if the other girls let her get there,
her eyes are as black as onyx,
shining in the night,
but when the angel picks herself up again,
the other girls push her back down again,
but the angel dosen't care,
because she knows someday,
the boy of her dreams will turn up at her door,
take her hand and lift her off the floor.

Hello there
I'm Truth, here for a review.

rocknroll wrote:the angel nobody appreciated,
sits alone in the park, Since the rest is in present tense, I would recommend staying with it
her wings torn by the abuse,
and her soul torn by the insults.
She isn't like the other girls,
she finds it hard to be the same,
partly because she doesn't want to,
but partly because the other girls are scared of the unknown.
She is very clever and will do well in life,
if the other girls let her get there.
Her eyes are as black as onyx,
shining in the night, I like this line here
but when the angel picks herself up again, The repetition doesn't do anything here
the other girls push her back down again.
But the angel doesn't care,
because she knows someday,
the boy of her dreams will turn up at her door,
take her hand and lift her off the floor. This is like one big, gigantic sentence... I've added proper punctuation to create a rhythm and split it up according to the proper grammar.

Wow, this is really cute. I liked it Of course, it would be even better with a bit more of imagery and such, and even maybe some rhymes... but I know how hard these can be, so I won't push for those too much. Great job
Keep on writing!

-Truth-

I do have any suggestions, but input.This poem refers to a girl as an angel that is downcast-ed by people.This girl is good and faithful in her future.Though this angel is faithful that she will reach heaven again( the boy) regardless of insults. I was a good poem though I was a bit surprised at the ending. (The girl being compared to a beaten angel). Well that is all, CardDragon.

Hello, fancy seeing you here!! LOL! Amazing poem as they all are and I still have the last lines that you ripped off the bottom of your poem! You are amazing!! Love you from that crazy, pink coated, joan jett loving kid that you know. Oh and if it's not obvious enough yet who I am, I'm the ninja of the century! Mwoahahahaha!!!!!
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What a sad poem. But what an even amazing ending which brings his poem out of the lowest pits of despair in the same way that the character of this poem will eventually pick themselves up from the lowest of the low.
You have described the sadness of this character with ease and have create a simply touching piece.
I really love the way you’ve structured and written this piece. It is simply amazing.

Not much more that I can say about this piece without repeating myself or saying things that probably everyone else have said. But again, really love it. Thankyou for posting this, and keep on writing!

Hello! I like how you used description and emotion in this poem, it worked really well.I just have a couple of nitpicks though. You use commas all the way through the poem and don't use full stops or capitals. It's difficult to critique poems where grammar is concerned because it's really a case of personal preference - some people capitalise the start of every line, some don't use capitals, some use commas throughout, etc. Everyone is different. It's just that when I read this, it sounded a bit like it was a run-on, long sentence. But like I said, I think it's just personal preference because I don't tend to write that way myself. If you wanted you could experiment to see what looks and sounds best, but it's your call. One other thing is that you ended two lines with "again", one after the other and it sounded a tad repetitive so I'd suggest getting rid of one of them. Apart from that, this was very well written, it flowed well and you used great description, so well done!

One sees this sort of topic quite frequently on this site, to the point where it can be groan-inducing to stumble upon yet another one.

HOWEVER.

This poem was a pleasant surprise in that respect. Judging by the title (which is a little too obvious and might be better as just "The Angel" or something like that), it looks like it's going to be yet another self-pitying rant, but it's surprisingly subdued. Some parts are still a bit cliche, but not so much that it damages the poem.

but partly because the other girls are scared of the unknown,

It's not really a big deal, but this line is a lot longer than the others and disrupts the flow somewhat. Perhaps you could make it more concise.

but the angel dosen't care,

It says ealier that her soul is "torn by insults." That certainly implies that she does care, very much so.

because she knows someday,
the boy of her dreams will turn up at her door,
take her hand and lift her off the floor.

This is the only time throughout the whole poem that a boy is mentioned. Before that, it's all about "the other girls." This shift in focus is a little too abrupt. Since the rest of the poem talks about how girls are cruel to her, I would suggest changing "the boy" to a girl, maybe a friend who will help her. Either that, or tell us some things about how boys treat her badly, to show the importance of finding her true love. Also, I noticed that the last two lines rhyme. The only problem with that is, they are the only two lines that rhyme. The rest of the poem is free verse. For the sake of uniformity, you should either rhyme the other lines, or not rhyme the last two.

Overall: A sad, sweet little poem; perhaps a bit rough around the edges, but certainly worth the read. Good job!

~Warrior Princess

Yes girl
Your English front cover. I told you it was good. And I'm never wrong.
Tehe
Keri
xxx