A Reason to be Good

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Back again to post some amateur poetry. Two things before you read it:
I only put 12+ because I didn't know if anyone younger than that would understand it, let alone find it remotely interesting.
And second, I'm looking for constructive criticism here. I would love to get better at writing poetry so give whatever advice you've got. :D
This was written at least two years ago, just like the other one, so that makes it even more of a candidate for being...amateur-ish...(That is definitely not a word...)
Oh yes, if you haven't read The Inferno of Dante (sometimes called Dante's Inferno), I highly suggest you do because it is an amazing book, no matter what your religion. It's a bit graphic though, if my poem is any slight indicator. Be cautious.
Thanks for reading!!
-K7

A Reason to be Good

Be sure not to sin,
Because if you are careless,
Your fate will be pain.

Of sadness and woe,
You as a shade shall writhe in,
If you spurn virtue.

Be good to yourself,
Always kind to your neighbor,
Heaven's gate you'll see.
"You can judge a nation by the way it treats its animals."-Gandhi
"War is what happens when language fails."-Margaret Atwood
"The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit."-Nelson Henderson




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This is actually pretty good, I liked the flow and the rhyme scheme. The only thing I suggest is adding more to it. It is really straight forward but the plainness of it made me have to read it twice because I found myself not really reading into it. There is also no emotion, try and add in some of that :). Great job, we just read Dante's Inferno in class....Wayyy to graphic for me.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!




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Dante's Inferno is amazing. :)

As far as your poem, it sounds a bit... plain? One of the things I would love to see is more graphic imagery. I mean, Dante was full of graphic imagery, so it seems a bit strange that this tribute of sorts is so plain vanilla. Have fun with this! :)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I really liked the poem as it had a great message but I thought that it was a little to plain as others have mentioned. Another stanza would work but more detail would be better but for being written 2ish years ago it was good. I look forward to reading more of your poems and I know that it wasn't much but I hope that the review helped even in the slightest. Keep writing and good luck.




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I had to read it a couple times before truly understanding this piece. Because I have read the book, and wondered just which parts your comparing. I'm assuming its to refer to the book- or game, for some people :\\\- as a whole, and not to particular cantos. The ONLY line that bothers me is:

Because if you are careless,

It doesn't run with the rest of the haiku well. If my creative juices were running, I'd give you a suggestion, but my mind isn't in motion right now- which is strange, because I'm in English class, haha! At any rate, nice piece, and please continue.

~Panda;;
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