The Kissing Cliff

This is the concept of how people feel when they find out they're being cheated on.

You took my hand,
and led me through the mourning night.
I stumbled over a rock,
then you caught me.
You took me to the Kissing Cliff,
and we did what you would expect.

One night I ventured out to the Kissing Cliff,
I saw you kissing her.
So then I screamed,
and pushed you off the Kissing Cliff

This is... good Yes.
Simple, but good.
I mean, it's a really good idea; really imaginative, good thinking, with thinking of "being cheated on" as a place; a bad place.
I liked this poem. I just think it's needs to be more descriptive, it needs a less sudden ending, and it just needs to be a little longer.
But I like this!
Keep practising and you will get better and better and better!
Yay Xxx

This struck me as being a bit simplistic. Rather than showing us the emotions, you just tell us the actions. There's nothing particularly emotional unless you consider sudden screaming and shoving people off a cliff particularly emotional. Even so, they only comprise two lines of the poem, which is much to small a space.

Things were also a bit repetitive, especially "Kissing Cliff". You mention it three times, and each time it's at the end of a line. Because this poem is so short, every instance of "Kissing Cliff" is particularly noticeable, especially since you repeat "Kissing Cliff" twice in the short, four-line second stanza.

I suggest that you spend more time describing the emotions side of the discovery. You did a good job in introducing the relationship between the narrator and "you", but you didn't really follow up on the feelings of betrayal, sorrow, and anger. Basically, like Emmzziee said, expand it a bit more.

You have a decent base, but right now, it's looking rather bare.

Dear thestorygirl,

I loved this poem and I can see that you have a good idea and flow. But it was a bit simple and really short. You should try describing how the character feels more. What are her emotions when she and her boyfriend are at The Kissing Cliff what is she thinking you need to give you character life and make her belivable. Also, when you repeated The Kissing Cliff in those first four stanzas it was a complete turnoff. You need to have more space between that word. I recommend you read the poem to yourself and see if you can hear if it sounds wrong. I don't mean to take over your poem- I love it I really do- I'm just trying to give some friendly advice but if it sounds more harsh to you then you need to learn how to acceptd harsh critism because your going to get it a lot in life. Anyway, keep writing and keep in mind what I wrote and continue to right.
Best wishes and Happy writing,

Dominique

Thanks for the critism (did I spell that right?) I always have that problem and I'm working on it. Anyway happy Martin Luther King Jr. DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm. Bridle your passions within your writing and you will achieve much better flow.