Ocean Feathers

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Reviews 26
So, I'm not so sure how I got the idea, but I liked it, so then I wrote it, and this is what it became. This means a lot of things to me - but what really matters is what it means to you. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, I still hope you enjoy it :smt001

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Ocean Feathers

I am a bird washed ashore,
Dead with soaked feathers.
An ink blue color.

Waves lap behind me,
Cold and gray like the sand and sky.
Lulling and eternal.

A net scoops me from the ground,
Hands pick up fallen blue feathers.
Water drips from my dead body.

I am carried,
Taken far from the sea.
No longer can I hear the waves.

Thrown into a great bin,
Cold steel for my corpse’s heaven.
Sand and stench cling to my feathers.

I am brought to a place where no sand meets water,
But where faded plastic flowers mark my grave.
Under a sick green sky.

My body dead, my carriage hollow,
Yet my soul flies above the waters.
Ink blue feathers carrying the breeze.

In death,
I am free.
"Write what you want to read."




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Points 827
Reviews 45
Very simplistic and soft-sounding. Some lines are too long for the stanza they are in but otherwise good poem. I love the feel of it and how you can almost see what you are describing. Lovely.
I dream by day.




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Gender Female
Points 1626
Reviews 106
This is a bittersweet poem- I love it! It's so sad, yet you feel a little happy too. I like how you describe the bird and choose one spect about it to focus on, it's feathers. Good poem, but the only thing that doesn't make sense to me is why the bird acts as if the sea's its home, when it's a bird who's been on land, slept on land, and lived on land before. Unless it's a seagull.
Light one candle instead of cursing the darkness.




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Gender Female
Points 3354
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This is really moving!!!! I love this, and you did a great job presenting it (grammar, punctuation, etc). My favorite part is the last stanza with the death and the free and the yeah. This is just so amazing!!! You're really good at poetry. Well done and Keep writing!
"The only bad ideas are the ones never tried." - Puck, The Sisters Grimm




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Gender Female
Points 187518
Reviews 1657
This is very well layed out and good to follow the whole way through. Some of line syllables don't quite fit, bu I'm sure this can be changed easily simply by tweaking one or two of the words. Overall, I love the way this is written and the imagery it paints in the readers head. Keep them coming!



It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief