Foot prints in the snow

17 posts1, 2
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Gender Male
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After I read this poem the first thing that popped into my mind is "WOW this is an amazing poem." This poem is right on. It's got imagery that told me what's happening, it's got good grammar, and it's got good spelling. The only thing I would change is that it should be a little longer. Other than that it's an outstanding poem.
"Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality."

-Queen




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Gender Female
Points 1249
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"Like foot prints in the snow,
making are print in the endless abyss,
we move forward creating our path,
just to have them covered ever so fast,
just to remind us to ignore the past,
and move forward into the abyss,
as are foot prints are covered ever so fast. "


i agree with Persephonia in that "endless abyss" is a little cliché. if there's so much snow and you're giving the impression of being lost then how about a forest? adding some context would also help you add length. i just feel that 'abyss' and the snow contradict each other too much. another point is the "ever so fast". it feels a little forced to fit the meter. i also personally prefer "only to have them covered" as opposed to "just to have them covered". not necessary though :)

overall, conceptually it's outstanding, but the execution could definitely be improved. there's potential. keep it up! :)
i never met a more impossible girl.



The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart