Neither of us bothered to start up another conversation, so after a few more minutes of awkward silence I reclined my chair as far back as it would go and tried to catch some sleep.
If you’ve ever tried going to sleep when you were angry or ticked off, you would know how impossible it is.
It was all her fault that I had to move away. She was the one who had chosen her job over her own kid. It was her decision to cast me from her life, and consequently, I was being forced from mine. I ask a simple question about the person I’m supposed to live with, and she can’t even answer that.
The person happens to be my father, who has never been around for most parts of my life. Christmas and Easter don’t count in my books. Or even a weekend or two during summer, when he used to come and visit. I’d seen his face scarcer and scarcer in the past few years, so that now I could only vaguely remember him. Back when I was a little tyke he used to stay over for a couple of days just to take me to the movies, but those memories were nearly faded, and how can I form an opinion of him from things that happened years ago? This begged another question I had burning inside me; how come he stopped visiting, and seemingly caring?
I had so many uncertainties concerning him that my mind got boggled and I switched over to a different subject, sleep. I curled up in my seat as much as I could, and banished all thoughts of my father from my mind.
When I woke up from my nap, I felt a bit stiff from the restricting car seat. I removed my glasses to rub my eyes, and then placed the frames back on the bridge of my nose. I glanced over at my mom, who appeared to be focused on driving and unaware that I had awoken. Her blue eyes scanned the road unemotionally and the rest of her body remained still, except for her arms which shifted slightly to the left and right as they guided the car. I noticed that the radio volume had been turned down and the station switched to something emotive and slow moving. My gaze returned back to her expression, and her eyes seemed so distant and far-away that I worried she might be drifting off to sleep. I decided to say something.
“Mom?”
Her eyes blinked suddenly.
“Yeah, hun?” she said, and then looked over at me, “You’re awake now.”
“Yeah, I just woke up.”
“Did you have a good dream?” she asked.
“I…can’t remember,” I said.
“Mm. So what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said, and then the air drifted back into silence.
“Hey!” she exclaimed, out of the blue, “How about something to eat?”
I looked at the gleaming blue digital clock in the car, which read 1:35p.m., and decided that I should probably have lunch.
“Yeah, sure. That sounds good,” I agreed.
“What are you craving?” she asked me.
“Oh, fast food’s fine,” I shrugged, “I‘m not that hungry.”
“You know, I’ve been yearning for a frosty lately,” she suggested.
“Yum, that does sound good. Wendy’s it is.”
“Alright!” Mom said excitedly, while she switched lanes.
The nearest exit led us into an average-looking town, in which we scouted out a towering sign with the famous red-haired girl, and pulled into the parking lot. I stepped out of the car and stretched my legs, which felt incredible, and then followed my mom into the restaurant. As soon as we opened the glass door, the smell of French fries, burgers, and nuggets hit my nose, assuring me that I was indeed hungry. My stomach growled longingly, and I grew impatient waiting in line, even though a few minutes ago I didn’t feel very hungry at all. Mom had gone off to use the bathroom after she saw the long line, and I agreed to save a place for both of us.
Finally it was my turn at the register and I explained my order confidently to the woman at the counter.
“I’d like one ten-piece chicken nugget meal, one double cheeseburger meal, and two small frosty’s.”
She punched some numbers into the machine and then gave me the total in a bored, monotone voice. I handed her fifteen and received the proper change.
“Thank you,” I said to no reply.
The food was ready after just one minute, and mom still wasn’t back from the bathroom yet, so stood next to the door holding our bags. The smell coming from the food was mouthwatering and irresistible, and I was just about to sneak a fry when she finally emerged from the bathroom.
“I’ve already got our food,” I said, holding up our bags.
“So you ready to go? Are you sure you don’t have to go potty?
I groaned, “No, I don’t have to go potty,” emphasizing the childish word with disgust.
“Alright then, let’s head off.”
Our frosty’s were already half melted by the time we got back in the car, so we cranked up the air-conditioner in a futile attempt to save them. I ate the nuggets, which were absolutely delicious; they were scalding hot when I got them which made me think they were the start of a fresh batch. And the fries were just how fries should be, crisp and salty. I licked the access salt off my fingers before I moved on to my frosty, which I had to slurp up through one of those gigantic straws. It wasn’t the best one I’ve had, but it was cold and chocolaty and that was all I needed.
It was easier to have a conversation over full bellies, so mom began bringing up subjects I would’ve normally dismissed, like making new friends, going to a new school, and living in a new house. She didn’t much ask me how I felt about all of it, but rather rambled on, assuring me that my new life was going to be just as good, if not exceedingly better than the one I’d been living.
“I mean, just think about it!” she said enthusiastically, “There’s going to be so many new people to meet, and so many more new places to go. I can just imagine how adventurous you’re going to be this summer! You‘ll probably feel like you‘re on vacation for most of it.”
I nodded, which gave her enough interaction to continue rambling,
“You don’t get many new starts in life, that’s for sure. People here are going to want to know your name, know who you are, where you came from. You’ll be on everyone’s minds. Boy’s too!” she added with a wink.
“Mom…” I groaned, resisting the urge to cover my face with my hands. She can be so embarrassing sometimes!
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, in a voice that said she wasn’t really sorry and felt like continuing the subject anyway, “But you know this is such a great opportunity for you to make some new friends, and boyfr-”
“Mom!” I yelled, giving her my best ‘I don’t want to talk about this stuff’ glare. I could feel my face reddening against my will.
Her hands stretched open on the wheel, as if she was making an ‘I’m backing off’ gesture.
“I just want you to know you can be yourself,” she told me.
“Yeah, I know,” I mumbled, thinking, a lot of good that’ll do me! All I’ve ever been was the awkward shy girl in the corner. What makes her think I’ve got a secret hidden socialite inside me?
“Hey, how much longer until we get to this Paradise of Potential Boyfriends, anyways?”
“We’ve still got a ways to go yet, honey,” she sighed.
I groaned loudly and turned towards the backseat, trying to locate my bag of things I brought to pass time in the car. I found it on top of cardboard box and pulled the drawstring open to get out a small book of sudoku puzzles and a black pen. It wasn’t the most exciting way to pass time, but I soon became immersed in the puzzle-solving and was giddy when I beat three in a row at medium difficulty.
~
