Vivian

We read the house on Mango Street in school and wrote our own "vignettes". This one is inspired by the chapter "Sire." Enjoy!


Vivian dances like an angel. Gleaming point shoes flash as she pirouettes once, twice, three times around, landing on two feet graceful as a gazelle. Shiny black bun crisp and neat, no hairs hanging out. Sleek like shiny spandex pants. Glowing face, running, leaping, spin, twirl like a gazelle. Promenade on turned out legs. Over ninety degrees off the floor. Smile, confident.

Vivian dances like an angel. I feel like a lumbering elephant, face screwed up in feverish concentration. Bulky and wobbly, graceful only until a few steps are strung together. Thinking hard, biting my lip. The teacher says, Don’t make faces. But I can’t help it. Cowering under her glare. She smiles when Vivian waltz-turns past, frowns as I follow, awkward, gangling.

I wish I could dance like Vivian. Flexible, elegant, confident. So confident. Like she was born to do it. A gazelle in her royal blue leotard and pink tights, satin pointe shoes tied with ribbons around her ankles. I want to be like her. Vivian. I want to dance like Vivian.

I love the little dancing story. There is a problem though, it's not a poem so all sentences must have a verb and a subject at least. I personally think it would fit better as a poem rather then a short story because it would make more sense. Just remember it's not a senttence unless it has a subject and a verb. Eiter then that, the discription is truelly amazing.

I disagree with the above review. It might could use more verbs, but it’s not a poem, it’s a vignette. The point of a vignette is something that does tell a story… or at least a piece of a story, a part of something, a window into a world. Poems can do that, but poetry is more… not this. This very much a vignette, and it’s really more the essence of what a vignette should be. I’ve read a lot of short stories and even chapters of novels that are really vignettes that masquerade as stories and chapters.

This gives a peak into the world of the narrator, who wants very badly to dance like this other girl, but just can’t seem to do it. There’s no real beginning, middle, or end, it just kind of exists. It is poetic, which is why it kind of seems like poetry. I’ve seen chapters of books that have a similar structure, but I wouldn’t call them anything but prose.

It’s a vignette and it’s a good little vignette which, I suppose, is what it’s supposed to be. I think you could make it a little bit less poetic, but I’m not sure that the point. Whenever the narrator speaks about Vivian it’s like poetry, but when she speaks of herself it’s harsh, flat prose. The combination simply adds to the theme of the work which is this description of two dancers, one very good and one not, with the not good one wishes she could be good.