Jumbled

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All of my words are broken and stained,
they’re ticking and tocking
like an erratic clock with an obnoxious midnight call-
they wake me with their garish sounds
and the letters are all jumbled
like puzzle pieces
that lay scattered in the wrong box, with a smiling kitten on the front,
when they actually form a demon with a grin;

they make demands
like an earnest brigand,
and cling at me with children’s arms,
though they’re more in casts and are covered in freckles-
I’d forgotten how lopsided they’re smiles are,
and how they sometimes seem more like leers,
with broken teeth and gaps
like Grand Canyons in their faces.

Clambering for attention,
I nurse each one of them,
and stink like stain remover while they dry out-
I’ve tried my handle with a needle,
though I’ve never been much into sewing,
and I found some patches;
I think someone might have to do that first,
after picking up the mess I made with them.





Thanks for reading.




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HEY!

Coral,
You know what I say ever time I review you, about the scales, I am glad to say I don't need to write it!

You've done it, I love it. Truly! Thank you for this, it was a pleasure.

My only point would be the title didn't really come across and seem to fit, so i'd maybe chanegd that, but it would be my only point.

Keep it up!and of course, PM me for anything.

~Retro Disco666
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan




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WOW.
That is the only expression which i had when i read this piece...
Really very impressive...
Keep up the good work... :)
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




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Points 1519
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Good! Another poem!

I love that your words are broken and stained, I love the line break between "jumbled" and "like puzzle pieces". I think you might want to play with your last two lines. I understood the concept (well, I hope I did!) but I think that's an awkward comparison. It might even work if you took out "smiling" in front of kitten and changed the last line to "form a grinning demon", but you should definitely try some different ideas!

I think you'll probably want to capitalize the first word of your next stanza--"they"--and you could take out "though they're more" and just transition from children's arms to in casts. "They're smiles" should be "their smiles", but I do really love all the allusions to how they're like children, petty and unruly and whatnot.

And I love your last stanza, except maybe you want to play around with word choice for your first two lines? When you first read it, it sounds like you're the one clambering for attention. But I really love this poem, and I keep going back to the broken and stained words. Lovely. :)

Thank you for sharing!



We think in generalities, but we live in details.
— Alfred North Whitehead