This was wonderful! The characters were very deep, don't you fret. I loved this. The images you used were amazing and had a very strong impact. Your choice of words, such as "Punched" for the radio buttons was brilliant - it makes one think of a certain emotion, without you having to spell it out. The dialogue felt real, and the relationships between the characters were very real. Again, I say, the imageries! The whole idea of the radio was very nice too, the background music. I have absolutely nothing bad to say, only good things. It was just short and long enough. This was amazing!!! The only thing I would change is the title, but that is entirely up to you. I don't quite see how it points to the context of the story, or how it relates. The emotions you drew were very, very real. You did a great job!!! Pleaser PM me if you write anything else - I'd love to review it! You have a wonderful writing style and you pulled me into the story very quickly! Thanks for the fun read! Ofir
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow
The three of us are driving too fast down a road shimmering with noonlight.
*moonlight. Since this is a short piece, you should go back and review your own work one or two times to catch these little grammatical errors. It saves the reviewers from having to pick them out and also makes your work look more professional. I would advise you to go back and skim your work for these little errors.
I stayed quiet because I’d seen the dullness slip over his eyes, I’d watched him turn to me and exhale a tiny soulbreath
What is a soulbreath?
Anyway, as far as my impression goes, this was pretty good. Maybe you could work on your introduction a little bit more, it was a tad boring. Try reeling in more readers by something more meaningful or something that would arise a question in the reader's mind. Now, as for your characters, I don't really know them much but they seem like they're all good friends going somewhere to have fun and all. Since it's short, you have to be more detailed with what you say about your characters in a short sentence. It's kind of difficult to do, for me, so I stray away from short stories. However, I did like reading this and the ending was nice, bittersweet and sad. I liked how you didn't dwell too much on it and just gave us enough to feel the sadness without having it seem too unrealistic. Keep it up.
-Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. -W. Somerset Maugham
Don't worry--it's meant to say noonlight. (Thus how at the end they're driving into blinding sunlight.) It's an arty thing--probably too arty then, if it wasn't caught. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
The characters are real enough to me. I admire the way you give a sneak preview of the real conflict. The deeper emotions that are hidden. This could be a scene from the type of movies I like to watch. Keep up the good work. Good luck.
