Mourning of a lost Civilization, Mourning of my Creations

My soul experiences the ripples of a thousand corpses being dropped into a pit of fluid despair.
Each ring hits me with more ripping, agonizing force than that of the last.
Incense and snake baskets, souvenirs of the lives of which i robbed myself.
Gwen, Aneurin, Ivory, Elsa, and the rest.
Nine generations, once rotting, have lost themselves.
The disapparition brought about by technical support.
I will never forget you, my lost family.
I realease my sorrows to float upon the air to find you, disappeared into nothingness.
Those who i once called simulations.
Revenge will never be mine.
I, who was victim to the blind trust i placed in thee, Amrit.
I weep for you, my little emerald.

aslan_radish24 wrote:My soul experiences the ripples of a thousand corpses being dropped into a pit of fluid despair. #FF0000 ">Nice imagery here. Very cataclysmic.
Each ring hits me with more ripping, agonizing force than that of the last.
Incense and snake baskets, souvenirs of the lives of which #FF0000 ">I robbed myself.
Gwen, Aneurin, Ivory, Elsa, and the rest. #FF0000 ">Okay, I saw this quite a bit throughout your poem. I'm kind of a fan for fragment sentences, but only if they are used correctly. My advice here is that you don't need a period at the end of every line. Some of these lines seem like they could just use commas and a little bit of rewording to make it sound right.
Nine generations, once rotting, have lost themselves.
The #FF0000 ">disapparition brought about by technical support. #FF0000 ">Not sure why, but that word appears as misspelled on my computer, but it seems right to me.
I will never forget you, my lost family.
I #FF0000 ">release my sorrows to float upon the air to find you, disappeared into nothingness.
Those who #FF0000 ">I once called simulations. #FF0000 ">This confuses me a little: why were they called simulations? Isn't a simulation something not real?
Revenge will never be mine.
I, who was victim to the blind trust #FF0000 ">I placed in thee, Amrit. #FF0000 ">Another example of a fragment that doesn't seem used right. I would put a comma and change that last line just a tad.
I weep for you, my little emerald.

Overall, good job on this poem. I did have trouble grasping the central idea, though, and that may be something you want to look into. When you write something, especially something for others to read, you want them to be able to understand what it is you are getting at. Of course, with your poem, you would probably have to add a few more lines and stanzas to get your full point across. Also, I liked this because it reminded me of Dante's Inferno, which is basicly a long poem about a guy traveling through the many circles of Hell. There was a lot of mourning and sorrow throughout that poem, and that's what this seems to be about to me.

i was a little confused by what you were going at here but i eventually figured it out.

i like the mystical feeling and the mystery that you wrote into this.

i really like the way you stated a lot of this. you know what? i think i just like the whole writing job you have done.

bravo!