I don't know what else to say

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It seems that sociability just isn’t my forte,
Well in that case I don’t know what to say.
Socially inept within this community in which I’m expected to be in debt to
But I hope my message not writing is accepted with lucidity,
That as rest of this world falls foul to lunacy.
We have to put up with the distressing reality of humanity; that we’re in humane,
Nobody in our ‘civil’ world can truly be classed as sane,
As we’ve led our future astray on this bullet train with no track left, no tact left
As the stewards of the world have given in and left it to rot away.
Well I guess in that case I don’t know what to say.

But I know that this isn’t right.

Cause I wont thank mr man of many names,
For embedding in our body earth and minds through out this planet,
All this hunger, lust and greed,
I’m not another slave that’ll be used to sow the seeds of hatred
For some raging despotic cause for ‘peace’
Also known as wars,
And I thought we’d abolished all of Draco’s laws,
But the insignificant are still burnt at the stake for the smallest of mistakes
While the superpowers get away with murder,
And I guess I dunno what else to say.

So I ask how can this be right?
Last edited by caerauboy on Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Points 1072
Reviews 63
caerauboy wrote:It seems that sociability just isn’t my forte,
Well in that case I don’t know what to say.
Socially inept within this community in which I’m expected to be in debt to
But I hope my message not writing is accepted with lucidity,
That as rest of this world falls foul to lunacy.
We have to put up with the distressing reality of humanity ; #FF0000 ">there's a space in between humanit and ;that we’re in humane,
Nobody in our ‘civil’ world can truly be classed as sane,
As we’ve led our future astray on this bullet train with no track left, no tact left
As the stewards of the world have given in and left it to rot away.
Well I guess in that case I don’t know what to say.

But I know that this isn’t right.

Cause I wont thank mr man#FF0000 ">Mr. Man of many names,
For embedding in our body earth and minds through out this planet,
All this hunger, lust and greed,
I’m not another slave that’ll be used to sow the seeds of hatred
For some raging despotic cause for ‘peace’
Also known as wars,
And I thought we’d abolished all of Draco’s laws,
But the insignificant are still burnt at the stake for the smallest of mistakes
While the superpowers get away with murder,
And I guess I #FF0000 ">Don't knowdunno what else to say.

So I ask how can this be right?

#FF0000 ">just go over and get rid of the simple mistakes and you should be fine, i like the ring to this poem and it's really imagitive and good. keep it up.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 891
Reviews 14
thanks for the review the reason its not in capitals for mr man is that I'm trying to show the lack of importance of 'mr man' and dunno is Ely or Caerau dialect which is accepted in poetry really but thanks :)




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Points 3354
Reviews 111
The other person did a nice job reviewing this so I don't have a lot to say, but this was really good. I love how it doesn't fall under any common pattern--it's very unique. But it has excellent flow. I especially love the last line. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!!!!
"The only bad ideas are the ones never tried." - Puck, The Sisters Grimm



What will live longer, you or your words? Something to think about the next time you abandon a project...
— Omni