My Fear: Loneliness and Abandonment

This is another english assignment. The assignment was to identify our biggest fear, and express it through an "open-format" piece i.e. drawing, photography, essay, poem, etc. Thanks for reading



Digital immortality;
Unable to escape the game.
Internet camouflage;
No one could see my pain.

Never-ending education;
Overflowing with hatred glares.
Inhumane whispering;
I hardly existed - nobody cared.

Blooming friendship;
A cherishing four years.
His indiscretion
Brought unneeded tears.

Verbally abused;
The great bond he had demolished.
Artificial compassion;
Our relationship left unpolished.

Contemplating suicide;
My cuts screaming for savior.
Supergirl’s rescue
Changed my deadly behavior.

Alabama loathing;
My Supergirl’s gone away.
Unwelcoming cliques;
I wander, with nowhere to stay.

Wow. Deep, passionate poem you've written there! I really like it (I'm sure your teacher will/did too). Just a few nickpicks;

My cuts screaming for savior.

'saviour'

Also, the rhyming seems a little forced in some places and in some stanzas I get a little lost in fancy long words that don't quite fit together, but apart from that it's quite clear. (Supergirl? I don't understand who/what this is, clarify perhaps?)

Overall I enjoyed reading it. Keep writing,

~Crim

Hi there!

I was going to go all-out with a grammar analysis, but since you already turned it in, I'll refrain . Even if I had gone all-out, there isn't really much I'd point out. It's a good poem that excellently fulfills the assignment and shares your fears in a compelling way. My only suggestion for you in future writing is not to be bound to rhymes. If you can express something more powerfully without rhyme, opt for the more powerful expression than the clever rhyme. All in all, this is a lovely piece, in a dark, depressed, but universal kind of way. Thank you for sharing Keep on writing!