Take It Off, Boy.

4 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1305
Reviews 2
Undress yourself, but slow down.
I don’t mean your clothes, but your thoughts so I can drown.
Now asphyxiation is one of my greatest fears
but for you, I’d sacrifice the tears.
I want trust, the authority of keeping you safe.
I'd cradle you in my arms as if you were a waif.
Invite me into your intellect; I’d be the first to R.S.V.P.
Boy, make it easy for me to just be.
Show your intelligence; let me hear it bang like drums.
You plus me would be the greatest of all sums.
I don’t ask for much, so give my hands the gift they’ve been wanting for so long.
I’m hungry for your touch; your rhythm is the only beat that complements my song.
I want you inside of me so you can tell all your friends how you got it in
but with your pants on.
You said goodbye to your naivetey and uncertainty
they’re long gone.
The collision between me and you can result with an explosion
but inside there'd be an implosion.
Let me caress your cold heart and calm it down.
I told you once and I’ll tell you again, baby I wanna drown.
Last edited by poojaaa16 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:44 pm, edited 3 times in total.
stay true.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7377
Reviews 99
Whoah, that was ausome!

This was like, deep, but not so deep that I got confused... really, I usually don't know what to say about poetry, but this made me smile! Er, I hope that it was supposed to make me smile... it wasn't really funny, but, I dunno, I just really liked it.

I'm no expert, but this sounded like great work to me!

--
TabbyGirl




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1305
Reviews 2
Lol thank you so much. :)
stay true.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2001
Reviews 45
Nice! I really like the flow of everything. I also like that you wrapped up the ending with part of the beginning line. Most people wouldn't think that's very creative, but I really like how you did it. And it really was deep. Great job on the poem, and keep writing! :D
Life can be amazing if your slightly strange



I didn't want to slow time, I just wanted to make a little rock.
— MomoMajesty's brother