I took a deep breath in, letting the fresh sea air seep through my body. It had a sort of calming affect, like a drug. Nerves jittered inside my stomach as I stared down the side of the cliff face, watching the ocean churn down below. The waves crashed onto the rocks with fierce determination, trying to break them apart.
The adrenaline that had been running through me earlier on was fading fast. I needed more alcohol. The vodka that Emma and I had been sharing had given me powers I never knew I even had - until now, when staring down at the choppy water for God knows how long had turned me sober enough.
I took one step back from the edge, turning around to survey the scene before me. The wind picked up my blonde hair and whipped it around my face, all attempts of trying to tame it useless.
A few cars were parked next to each other in what was supposed to be a car park, but was in fact more of a worn out gravel track. It was from here that visitors to the area could come and go hiking in the woods, but for most of the year it was used by teenagers wanting to escape the daily drag of life. Or in other words, a place where they could come to drink and smoke weed without getting into trouble.
Which was exactly what my friends were doing tonight. Emma was nestled tightly under the arms of Shane Davies, wearing his jacket. Due to its size and her small built frame, it made her look like an elf; the jacket was positively swimming around her. The afternoon’s soft breeze was picking up as the day turned into evening, and the skirt that she was wearing continually threatened to blow up. Shane was drinking as they leant against the bonnet of his Mustang, a couple of guys drinking around him. He was their Alpha in our crazy messed up teenage lives, each one of them willing to do whatever it took to stay in his good books. A few of the other guys who had turned up - all from the school’s soccer team - were standing near the cliff’s edge a few feet away from where I was standing.
I watched as they goaded each other on. Brody, a centre half forward on the team who was also in my English class, had stripped down to his board shorts. Brody was someone I was quite friendly with, and I had to admit that he was hot. He was tanned light brown, a fading reminder of the summer just past. And boy did he have muscles. Of course, he was a soccer player, but he was also quite lanky, and his hair a brown mop that stuck in every direction. In our inner circle, he was the goofy, lovable one, the first to dive into the Mason’s swimming pool from the roof, a complete daredevil.
That’s why I maybe have a thing for him.
A noise that sounded something like a war cry came from Brody’s lips, and in one swift motion he dove off the side of the cliff, the others cheering and roaring their approval at Brody’s stunt. Butterflies flew around my stomach as the thrill of the dive swept through me.
“That was awesome,” one of the guys said, turning to another for a high five. I looked up in surprise, not realizing that I had moved closer to the group. We all watched with bated breath for Brody to resurface. With a triumph grin, he emerged, punching his fist against the water, his own catcalls echoing off the cliff walls.
Brody had made the first move in diving off the cliff, and the others now follow suit, shedding unnecessary items of clothing as Brody made his way back up the cliff face. The part of the cliff that they were diving off jutted out into the ocean, where there were no rocks or boulders in the way. In the eyes of the boys, it was all perfectly safe.
“How about it then, Lucie?”
I looked up, coming face to face with Brody. He was still dripping wet, and the climb back up had made his breathing laboured, but he wasn’t a soccer player for no reason. It looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat.
“It looks…” I groped for the right word. “Amazing. How long have you guys been doing this for?”
Brody grinned lopsidedly at me, running a hand through his wet hair. “A few weeks now. It’s such a rush.”
I scratched the back of my hand, trying to resist the urge to strip down to my own bikini and dive off the cliff.
“You must be freezing though,” I pointed out instead. We walked back to where Emma, Shane and the rest of his groupies were. Brody reached into the Mustang and pulled out a rugby shirt and yanked it over his head, messing his hair up even more. I resisted the urge to run my fingers through it to straighten it out.
“Enjoying the thrill Brody?” Emma laughed as he shook out his hair, droplets of water falling onto her and Shane.
“Never felt anything like it before, Em. You should have a go.”
Emma snorted. “No thanks. Lucie’s the junkie, she should have a go.”
I felt my eyes slightly narrow at Emma. Once, when we were in junior year, I’d told Emma in a semi-drunken state about my need for adrenalin, and how I felt like a junkie, always needing to consume. I had instantly regretted it. Emma, being completely intoxicated had thought it to be the funniest thing she had ever heard and had proceeded to tell everyone at the party about my ‘need for speed’. To this day, she still referred to me as ’the junkie’. Lucky for Emma, she was my only girl friend and I loved her.
Both Brody and Shane laughed, a few of the other guys joining in nervously. They were the ones trying to get into our inner circle by pretending they were in on our inner most secrets. I couldn’t remember their names, but at the same time I didn’t really want to.
“I might,” I muttered, throwing a glance over my shoulders. The few boys were still cliff diving. The sun had begun to set, but it was taking its time. I could give it a shot. The thought of throwing myself off a cliff was giving me a buzz.
“Do you have anymore drink back there?” I asked Shane, walking around to where the door to his Mustang was open.
I grabbed a can of beer before Shane could give me an answer, and he rolled his eyes at me. “You have such lovely manners, Lucie.”
I smiled coyly at him, taking a sip of the beer. The liquid fell down my throat, and my first reaction was to gag, but I kept myself in check. Alcohol was a means of escapism, and combined with the vodka Emma and I had drunk earlier, it would give me the fuel I would need to go and jump off a cliff. Literally.
Emma watched me out of the corner of her eye taking a sip of her own premixed drink. I knew I was shamelessly flirting with her boyfriend, but then again, she knew me well enough to know that I would never go there. Especially with Shane. Feeling the warm buzz that the beer brought on, I stuck my tongue out at Emma.
“Would you like to see me jump off a cliff?” I asked Brody, toying with the bottom of my jumper. I let my hand twist the fabric into a ball around my waist, knowing full well that my stomach would be showing. It was starting to get cold and a part of me didn’t really want to leap into the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean, but beer and flirting with Brody made the prospect of it all more attractive.
Brody opened his mouth to answer, but the sound of a car coming up the gravel track made us all stop and turn. Usually no-one else from Gray Falls came up this far north, but every now and again the town cops thought it appropriate to ‘patrol the area’.
“Shit, hide the beer,” one of the tag-a-longs muttered, kicking an empty can underneath the car. I set my own can down behind a wooden pylon, running a hand through my messy hair, but keeping the other still knotted in my jumper. You never know what would work on cops these days.
It wasn’t the cops, however, as some lanky teens I recognised from school tumbled out of the beat up Ford. My unoccupied hand came up to my eyes to shield them from the headlights that had been left on, the light burning my eyes. It wasn’t even dark yet, I scowled.
Shane had let go of Emma, who had come to stand next to me as the figures came closer, their faces becoming visible. I did know a couple of them on a more personal level.
“Yo, what’s up Davies?” Michael Cross smirked at Shane. Cross was on the football team, which only meant one thing. He was a jerk, in my honest opinion. Most football players were, and Cross and his buddies fit the mould perfectly. He nodded to where the cliff-jumping guys were still at it, despite the interruption. “Why aren’t you up there, jumping, Davies? “
Shane just scoffed, arms folded. “What do you want, Cross?”
“Too chicken?” Michael goaded. There were sniggers from the guys behind them. I took a quick second to look them over. There were four others, and when my eyes landed on the last guy, something in my chest tugged. His jet black hair seemed thick - almost like Brody’s, but with a different edge to it. There was a sinister edge to the smile on his face, and when our eyes locked, it grew bigger into a grin. I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
Turning away, I let my eyes rest on Michael. He was good-looking, and he knew it. Tonight he was wearing his letterman jacket and a pair of khaki shorts. I felt like vomiting on his feet just looking at him. I’d had a few run ins before with Michael, and they had never ended pretty. Especially on his side.
“Why don’t you make a jump for it, Cross, and then we wouldn’t have to see your ugly face anymore?” I smiled sweetly at Michael as his facial expression turned from cocky to sour. He still hadn’t forgiven me for the time I’d poured beer on him during the start of summer party.
“Do you think I’m that stupid?” he scoffed.
I raised my eyebrows. Did he need me to actually answer that question for him?
“Stupid, we already knew. Now we can add scaredy-cat to the list,” I retorted back. Brody choked back a laugh next to me. Even the creepy black haired guy managed to crack a smile.
“Ever the feisty one, Lucie. I don’t see you going and throwing yourself over.”
“Oh yeah?”
I felt Emma’s hand on my arm. “Lu, don’t,” she whispered in my ear. Drunk as she was, she said it a little too loud, and the others heard.
“Don’t worry your sweet lips, Emma. She’s not going to do it. Lucie’s too chicken.”
I knew Michael was just goading me on. It was, after all, a past time of his. But I wasn’t one for standing there and taking it. With the alcohol that was mixed into my blood, and the adrenalin pumping through me, I had to take the challenge.
“Fine,” I said. I yanked the jumper over my head, hearing the sharp intake of breaths from the guys as I stood there, wearing shorts and a bikini top. I wasn’t stuck up or anything, but I knew I was reasonably attractive. I played on the girl’s soccer team, which meant I was physically active most of the time. My stomach was flat, but I wasn’t all skin and bone like Emma.
I marched over to where the other boys had been standing on the cliff’s edge. Everyone had turned to follow, watching me silently as I stood gazing out at the ocean.
It was at least a twenty feet drop. The waves continued to crash onto the small patch of sand that served as a beach, and the sun had dipped lower, purples and reds streaked across the sky. The wind picked up my hair, tossing it about.
I closed my eyes, trying to bring up that feeling. It had to be buried deep down somewhere inside me, I knew it. A person couldn’t live their life without it. Without fear, a person could simply not exist.
Apparently. Since the accident, I tried to feel fear. I wanted to feel fear. I’d tried everything - speeding cars, jumping off roofs into swimming pools, motorbikes - and now cliff diving. The ultimate rush. The first feeling should surely be fear.
But as I stood on the edge of the cliff, looking down at the ocean, my heart sank. It wasn’t fear that was building up inside of me. It was excitement. It was thrill.
I opened my eyes, bringing myself back into the present. I could hear Emma telling me to step away from the edge. Her voice was weak and feeble next to the sounds of the guys egging me on. Shane was silent, standing next to Emma. Michael was smirking at me, his lips moving but I heard no sound.
I turned to face the creepy guy, the one who had been leering at me before. He was silent also, but there was a thin smile on his face, his mouth curling up at the sides. His eyes read, you can’t do this. You’re too scared. Scaredy-cat. Come on, Lucie, what are you waiting for? Do it, jump.
My eyes narrowed. Who was he, a boy that no-one knew, possibly a tag a long, to stand there and look at me like that?
I took one more look at Michael and gave him a smile and a wave of my hand. With one deep breath, I pushed myself up onto the balls of my toes, arched my back and stretched my hands out in front of me.
Suddenly I was falling, falling through the air. I felt the wind rush around my face as I dived head first off the cliff. A cry escaped my lips as I felt the blood pump through my veins. Time had slowed down as I plummeted towards the sea, and I wanted the feeling to never end.
Then I crashed into the ocean.
The salt water stung my eyes as I opened them, looking around me wildly. Though I had dived perfectly into the water, the sea was now throwing me about in a crazy fashion. I needed to reach the surface, a part of my brain said. My lungs burned, but at the same time a funny feeling of euphoria coursed through my body. I had jumped, and I was alive. With one swift kick, I pushed my body upwards to where I could see white foam gathering on the surface. The current was strong, constantly pushing me forwards then pulling me backwards. I managed to keep a grip on where I was going, and in no time I broke through the ocean, feeling like a mermaid coming up for air.
I gasped in the cold evening air, feeling the adrenalin pumping through my veins. I’d done it. I cried out, victorious, looking up the cliff face to where everyone had gathered. The guys, my friends, all cheered with me, and I noticed a few of Michael’s friends clapping and whistling with appreciation. I swam over to the small beach, feeling the sand stick to my lower legs and feet as I started to walk up the hill. It had been exhilarating, jumping off the cliff. I reached the top, pulling myself up and over the ledge. Emma came running up with my jacket, thrusting it into my hands.
“You’re such an idiot!” she laughed as I pulled the jacket on. Brody came up and patted me on the back.
“Brilliant, Luce. Sometimes I swear you’re such a guy,” he said, looking at me appreciatively. I smiled sweetly, running a hand through wet hair, untangling it as I went along.
“Thanks.”
“You’re lucky, Evans.” I turned, watching with wary eyes as Michael and his buddies made his way over to where we were standing. “I thought you were going to drown, you were under that long. Someone must want you to stay alive; can’t possibly see why though.”
With a final glower, they made their way back to Michael’s car, the headlights shining brightly now the evening had turned darker. I made a face at Michael’s back, pulling my finger up at him.
“Wimp, “ I muttered, wiping the drops of water off my face.
“Don’t worry about him,” Brody said, throwing his arm around my shoulders. The Ford roared out of the car park, leaving a gust of dirt behind it. We walked back to the other cars, where some of the guys had retrieved their hidden beer cans and had started drinking again.
Content for now that it was too dark to continue cliff diving, a few of the guys were kicking a soccer ball around.
I came to a stop at one of the wooden pylons that separated the grass area from the car park, stepping onto the small flat circular top. Brody’s arm fell down off my shoulders, but I took his left hand in mine, trying to steady myself.
“I want to do that again.” I spoke out loud in general, talking more to Brody, knowing that he’d be up for cliff diving again sometime soon.
“I don’t think so, Lucie. It looks dangerous. Michael was right, you were lucky this time. What if next time you hit one of the rocks instead?” Emma argued, looking at me worriedly through her large brown eyes.
I rolled my eyes at her, taking a can out of Brody’s hand and having a sip before passing it back to him.
“Come on Em, don’t you start with me. The guys have been doing it for weeks, and none of them have gotten hurt. Brody himself said it was perfectly safe on our way up here.”
Emma didn’t look convinced. I jumped down off the pylon, giving her a hug. “Look, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. And next time, I promise I’ll only do it with proper supervision.” I turned and gave Brody a quick wink at this. Emma looked only slightly convinced, but she said nothing more. Interpreting her silence as defeat, I tugged on Brody’s hand, leading him over to where the guys were playing a rather rough game of soccer.
“Let’s see if your skills are as good as they say then, Brody!” I laughed, jogging over to one of the others.
“Oh, it’s on!” Brody replied, as we launched into a very drunk and violent game.
I snuck into the house around midnight, locking the front door behind me. It was dark inside, and I could see the moon’s illumination off the kitchen tiles. I walked quietly up the stairs, careful to avoid the creaky third step. There was no light under my parent’s door, which was a good sign. It meant that I wouldn’t have to deal with them until morning, when I was in a more sober mood, when my breath didn’t smell like vodka and beer, and salt wasn’t clinging to my damp skin.
“Where have you been?”
Light flooded the hallway as the door to my sister’s room opened, revealing the illuminated figure of none other than the witch herself.
“Jesus Christ, Debs, turn the freaking light off,” I groaned, shielding my eyes from the bright light. Debbie turned her bedroom light off, switching on instead a small table lamp in the hall.
“What are you doing coming home so late?” She stood with her hands on her hips, a red fluffy dressing gown tied round her waist.
“What are you even doing home?” I shot back. Debbie was in her first year of college, and had been living in the halls of residence for the past six months. Which was a blessing, if you asked me.
“We have a study week, and my car’s in for service. You still didn’t answer my question,” Debbie pointed out. I rolled my eyes.
“Who do you think you are, Mom? It doesn’t concern you where I’ve been.” I snapped, making a to move towards my own room, but Debbie moved forward once more. Irritation flared up inside me. Debbie had left us months ago, leaving the house count to just three - Mom, Dad and myself. She had no right to go around like she owned the place, not after just deserting us like she did.
“It concerns me when you don’t show up home for dinner,” Debbie snapped back. “We were supposed to have a family dinner, Mom cooked a fancy meal and everything and you just decide to come in hours later steaming drunk.”
“Like I was supposed to know you were coming back,” I retorted, my eyes flashing with anger. “It’s not like you ring or anything and say your heading over. I’m not a mind reader.”
Debbie opened her mouth as if to retort back, but then closed her mouth again, looking like a goldfish.
“You need to learn to grow up, Lucie,” she finally answered, her jaw locked. With a final glare, Debbie turned around and disappeared back into her room, her door closing softly behind her.
With a sigh I headed into my own room, not being as quiet. I couldn’t be bothered changing out of my drying clothes, choosing to just flop onto my bed instead, pulling the covers up over my head. Ever since Ben had died, Debbie had become the most important thing in my parent’s lives. It was if I had died with Ben in that car. They had thrown their whole beings into Debbie - making sure she was pampered enough with gifts - a new laptop for when she started college, a brand new car when she turned sixteen. Debbie was the perfect one, the straight A student who had topped practically every class she’d taken in senior year. My parents delight.
I felt almost sick at the thought, but then couldn’t distinguish if it was actually my sister that disgusted me, or if my stomach was having a reaction to the alcohol in my system. I closed my eyes, choosing to roll over and not think about anything - not about Debbie, my parents or even Ben, instead choosing to savour in the memory of leaping off that cliff.
