Tears sprang into Kieran’s eyes, but she fought them back. Her nails bit into her palms as Tarah softly drug her claws over Kieran’s skin, soothing her like she had when Kieran was small. A painful knot began to grow in Kieran’s throat, and it took all the power in her to keep her mouth closed and her seat planted in the niche.
Kieran forced herself to think of the positive things. Lucien could do much worse than Gwendolyn. Kieran had always been fond of the slim, soft, quiet girl. She was nice too, with one of the sweetest voices in the caves. Lucien would be very happy with her.
A whimper leaked out of Kieran’s throat, despite her efforts to hold it in. She felt Tarah sigh beside her, then rise. Tarah’s hold on her wrist grew stronger and the woman pulled her out of the niche. Before she knew it, Kieran was being dragged out of the Caves and up her tunnel to Topside.
When they were out of the tunnel, Tarah forced Kieran to sit on the outcrop that jutted out of the rock face. The older woman bent and rested her hands on Kieran’s knees. Through her tears, Kieran glimpsed Tarah’s form in the moonlight, but quickly jammed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to see Tarah, because she knew that how Tarah looked in her mind and how Tarah really looked would be drastically different and she didn’t want to see that.
“Stop crying,” Tarah demanded in a voice that was strong and irresistible.
Kieran gulped down her newest sob and struggled to keep the rest down. She focused her mind on the feel of Tarah’s hand clamping her knees and tried not to let her imagination show her Lucien and Gwendolyn.
“You knew this day would come. Why act surprised now?”
Kieran shook her head, refusing to let the words pass her lips as new tears welled behind her eyes and seeped out the corners.
“What is it?”
Kieran was too wrapped up in her own pain to hear the pity behind Tarah’s voice. It was good; pity was the one thing Kieran couldn’t bear.
“He swore to me that it would never happen,” Kieran finally confessed, her body racked with sobs.
“Oh Kieran,” Tarah said, and this time there was no mistaking the clear pity her voice carried.
Kieran’s temper flared through her. She stood and turned her back on Tarah, opening her eyes to look into the forest surrounding her. “I know it’s stupid!” she growled. “But it was years ago, when we were both young. I know that he had no control, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t keep hope for all these years. Hope is cruel,” she sighed, looking at her dirt-crusted feet.
“Kieran?” Tarah said, forcing her voice to carry a message to Kieran. It told her that Tarah understood. That she had a tale of her own. “Will you set down so I can tell you a story?”
Kieran stood stiff for another moment. Then she clenched her fists, expanded her wings to their full span, and let her anger go. She folded her wings back and turned back to Tarah while closing her eyes. She sat on the rock next to the woman and wiped the wetness from her cheeks while she waited for her to start.
“This is something that I’ve never told anyone,” Tarah said, her voice sounding so heartbroken that Kieran nearly cried again. “But I don’t guess that matters. It’s something that you might want to hear. You know that Evander and I were born in different caves in the far north?” She stopped, waiting to see if Kieran actually did know that.
“Yes,” Kieran answered quietly.
“Well, when I was young I was in love with a young man named Samuel. He’s voice was so powerful. When he spoke, everyone listened. If fact, his whole being was that way - strong. He was big and when he wrapped his hand around mine, there was nothing to be seen except the tips of my claws. His wings were so thick and muscled that he could lift me with just one,” she continued, smiling to herself.
“And just as The Calling was coming around, he swore that it would be his song that captured my heart and that we’d be together forever.”
“But it was Evander’s that got you instead,” Kieran interrupted, talking of Tarah’s mate, tiredly. She felt as if she had heard this story a million times from other Dwellers.
“No,” Tarah said stiffly. “Don’t interrupt.”
Kieran blushed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright…anyways… The Calling came around and it was Samuel’s voice that I stood for. No denying it. We were so happy. Or at least I thought we were.” Tarah stopped for a moment, drifting back to those days so long ago.
“Samuel had a lover. Her name was Collette and she was Evander’s mate.”
Confusion set in on Kieran’s mind. “A lover? I thought that once you heard your mate’s song, then there was no one else.”
Tarah sighed. “Usually that’s right, but there have been a few rare times where it isn’t so. Now, don’t go getting your hopes up about Lucien. It’s not like that. Samuel loved me and Collette loved Evander, but, frankly, they loved sex more. What they couldn’t get from us, they got from each other. It was a primal kind of thing.”
Tarah paused, but shook herself out of it and continued. “Anyways, me and Evander became friends while trying to keep the affair a secret from the rest of the dwellers. But one day it couldn’t be kept secret anymore. Evander was a traveler. He went to other Dwellers to keep our species linked and to find new things and all that. He had been gone for months, and as far as we knew, he would be gone for months longer. But Collette, stupid stupid Collette, got pregnant by Samuel. There was no denying that it wasn’t Evander’s baby.” Tarah breathed a little snort as Kieran remained motionless. She could hear the anger Tarah still felt towards Collette - the silly girl who didn’t take the herbs that prevented pregnancy.
“Samuel came to me,” Tarah said. “He held my face as I cried. I tried to push him away, but he was always so much bigger than me. So much stronger… He told me to stop crying and that he had something to say. He said, ‘Tarah, I will never watch you cry over me again’. The next morning, he and Collette were gone. When Evander came home, only weeks later, I told him what happened. He was devastated, and the whispers and gossip were always swirling around us. Finally, we decided that we had to leave. Evander knew all the Dwellers and where we would be welcomed. We told people that we were each other’s mates because we wanted to avoid the gossip we had fled from. Eventually we loved each other almost as much as we had loved Samuel and Collette. We’re very happy now.”
“Did you ever hear from Samuel or Collette again?” Kieran asked.
Tarah shook her head. “No, dear. I have no clue where they are. I only hope that they’re happy. I do sometimes wonder if they came back to look for us or what their baby is like, but I try not to linger on it…But, the point is, happiness is a strange thing, as is love. What you think will make you happy, doesn’t always. And what you never expect to make you happy might.”
“Thank you, Tarah,” Kieran said, throwing her arms around the woman’s neck.
“Did it make you feel any better?”
Kieran smiled. “No, but it gave me a little hope.”
Tarah laughed. “At least it did that.”
That hope did burrow its way into Kieran’s chest, despite her fighting it. It was a hope that something may yet come of her future. It may not be as bleak and depressing as she had lately convinced herself it would be. Maybe there was a young man out there who had lost his mate or something and he would fancy her. Who knew? Kieran felt slightly guilty for wishing such ill thoughts on that unknown someone, but she couldn’t help herself. She didn’t want her future to be nothing…that reminded her…
“Tarah?” Kieran asked as she withdrew from the woman. “What was it that you needed to talk to me about?”
“Huh? Oh! Well…” she hesitated, but Kieran couldn’t peg why. “The travelers wanted me to talk to you. They, uh, wanted to see if you would consider going with them on their next journey.”
Surprise stiffened Kieran’s spine. “Really?”
“Uh huh. They think that your sight will be a great advantage to them on their travels.” Tarah tried not to let it show, but Kieran knew that Tarah didn’t want her going. She thought it was too dangerous and Tarah looked at her as a daughter. She didn’t want to lose her.
“I know you don’t want me to go, Tarah,” Kieran said, fumbling for Tarah’s hand. Tarah gave it willingly and squeezed. “But…I have to consider it. You know that.”
Tarah snorted. “Consider it? You’ve already made up your mind, haven’t you?”
Kieran smiled. Actually, so many things had rushed through her head at that moment that she hadn’t had a chance to
make it up. Why hadn’t she thought of this before? Because it was so dangerous? It wouldn’t be as dangerous for her as for everyone else. Not with her sight. There were so many possibilities! She could join the travelers! This could be something she could do with her life! She would be making herself useful, rather than a handicapped burden.
“Maybe…”she grinned.
Tarah sighed and shook her head. “Just promise me that you’ll take care of yourself and be safe,” she demanded, pulling Kieran into her arms.
“I promise.”
Just then they heard a faint cheer float out of the tunnel.
“The Calling is over,” Tarah said quietly.
Kieran nodded. “Good. Does that mean we can get something to eat?”
Tarah laughed as her own stomach rumbled. “As soon as we tell Fritz that you’ll be joining him on his next expedition.”
“Let’s get to it then!
The Den was swarming with activity when they fell from the tunnel. Tarah immediately grabbed onto Kieran to keep her from being thrown into the mix. Gossip buzzed all around them. Most of it was about who had chosen who and what their children would be like and how happy their parents were, but when the Dwellers noticed Kieran, the buzzing sharpened. It became quicker and quieter, and more painful for the girl to hear.
Kieran blocked it out and focused on following Tarah without colliding with anything
