The dog that never left his owner

Hey everyone. I am very sorry i couldn't put this in short stories but i didn't know what to put it under.

I didn’t know what happened, he wasn’t moving, my owner, he wouldn’t wake up.

It happened a couple of weeks ago, my owner took me for a walk, it was longer than the usual walks we take, this one was about an hour, there usually 20 minutes. When we went home he went straight to bed, it was very unusual, I don’t know why, it was only two o’clock in the after noon, so I just sat there by his bed and waited for him to wake up, I waited for him to say hello Cobalt, but he didn’t and soon I realized he wouldn’t.

Three days passed and I just sat there waiting, waiting for him to wake. Another three days passed and still nothing. It was the end of the week and still nothing, I was getting scared, and all of a sudden his daughter came in the door. I was so happy to see her and she was happy to see me, but when she went into my owner’s bedroom she started to cry, I don’t know why.

Weeks passed I have stayed at her house, but I haven’t seen my owner since they took him away from our house.

The next time I saw him was when I was walking around the house, there was a picture of him and some papers on the ground that got knocked off the table. Then I got in the car with his daughter, I didn’t know where we were going so I just there, in the car, waiting.

We wounded up at a church and I saw another photo of him on top of a coffin and I knew what happened.

I didn’t know what to do, my life became a mess when I saw that, so I did the only thing I could do, the only necessary thing to do.

I followed him everywhere even though he was dead, I followed him, I followed him from the church, I followed him to the cemetery and I stayed there. He was my owner and I was his pet, so I sit here now, by his grave, sitting, waiting, loving. People come now and again to remove me, they try to feed me, but I always end up back here, because I want to stay with him forever and even now that I am long gone from this world, I would have done anything to stay with him, I would have waited forever to be with him again.

Hi, CaptainRandom. I'm Freak.
I really love this. It's so sweet and surreal. Absolutely adorable. Great job! This although seems like it should go in the Short Stories Forum... :/

But anyway, yes, there are nitpicks:

I didn’t know what happened, he wasn’t moving, my owner, he wouldn’t wake up. Great beginning if I do say so myself. It caught my attention automatically.

It happened a couple of weeks ago, my owner took me for a walk, I suggest adding a comma here or just starting a new sentence it was longer than the usual walks we take, this one was about an hour, there "They're" usually 20 minutes. When we went home he went straight to bed, it was very unusual, I don’t know why This "I don't know why" seems out of place. Delete it , it was only two o’clock in the after noon, so I just sat there by his bed and waited for him to wake up, I waited for him to say hello Cobalt, but he didn’t and soon I realized he wouldn’t.

Three days passed and I just sat there waiting, waiting for him to wake. Another three days passed and still nothing. It was the end of the week and still nothing You already said, "And still nothing" so it feels wrong - out of place. Maybe emphasize the "Still" so it sounds different., I was getting scared, and all of a sudden his daughter came in the door. I was so happy to see her and she was happy to see me, but when she went into my owner’s bedroom she started to cry, I suggest making a new sentence here I don’t know why.

Weeks passed I have stayed at her house <-- That sentence didn't make sense. Try, "Weeks passed and I stayed at her house, but I haven’t seen my owner since they took him away from our house.

The next time I saw him was when I was walking around the house, there was a picture of him and some papers on the ground that got knocked off the table. Then This seems all of a sudden. It took me aback. I'd rather put, "I soon got in the..." instead I got in the car with his daughter, Start a new sentence here I didn’t know where we were going so I just there, in the car, waiting.

We wounded up at a church and I saw another photo of him on top of a coffin and I knew what happened.

I didn’t know what to do, my life became a mess when I saw that, so I did the only thing I could do, the only necessary thing to do.

I followed him everywhere even though he was dead, I followed him, I followed him from the church, I followed him to the cemetery and I stayed there. He was my owner and I was his pet, so I sit here now, by his grave, sitting, waiting, loving. People come now and again to remove me, they try to feed me, but I always end up back here, because I want to stay with him forever and even now that I am long gone from this world, I would have done anything to stay with him, I would have waited forever to be with him again.

Good job for the most part though. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Write on and PM me for anything.

~Freak

Awwww..... poor dog.... I am so sad for him.

Is this meant to be a short story or a free-form poem because either's cool with me, I'm just here to review.

Okay, so I'm gonna review this like it's a serious piece of work. I'll tell you why there's that hesitation later.

1) Characterisation

Your dog only appears to have one major personality trait which is unwavering loyalty. Since he is the main character and protagonist you should probably develop his character a bit more. You can do this with only a little bit of revising. You could add personality by mentioning how he does things. For example, add little quirks of personality to some things he does. Adjectives are suggested and encouraged.

What is so darn great about his owner. Why would the dog drop everything and follow this corpse around? Though the owner is dead for the entirety of this story, it wouldn't hurt to tell the audience why exactly the dog was so loyal to him. Was he nice? Did he feed him? Was Cobalt an army dog and his owner his trainer?

2) Depth

Branching off of what I said about army dog and trainer, a little background info would be great. This is not a newspaper article and therefore you can make it more personal. How does the dog feel, what was the dog-owner relationship like? Does Cobalt remember certain wonderful times with his owner. Remember, you are telling this from first person and therefore have much more freedom to add certain details about yourself, how you feel, what you remember, sights, smells...etc.

Imagery? Where is it? Where is the feeling, the seeing, the tasting, the smelling, the hearing factor in this story? This is why I'm so hesitant to take this seriously. There is absolutely no descriptive words in here, no literary features... don't make me think that you never passed your 3rd grade writing class.

3) Emotion

Psh, hmph, naah, groan, sigh, giggle, huff, tear. Where is the emotion in this story/poem? I can not feel any connection to any of the characters. Your story is lacking warmth and flow because the characters are flat and the story superficial.

Okay so you've got your outline. Your poor story/poem is a famished, wimpering, skinny, sickly, sad, teary eyed puppy. This puppy needs food. I suggest literary features. Your puppy needs love and care. I suggest grooming him with emotion. Your puppy needs to gain a little muscle tone... he's still kinda limp. Background and dimension will leave him super healthy and energetic. Please help the puppy...

Forever Threnody

Hi CaptianRandom! lol I love your name! About the story... wow, I never thought I would like a dog story like this, it makes me want to love dogs. It was good, I like it.

CaptianRandom wrote:When we went home he went straight to bed, it was very unusual, I don’t know why, it was only two o’clock in the after noon, so I just sat there by his bed and waited for him to wake up, I waited for him to say hello Cobalt, but he didn’t and soon I realized he wouldn’t.

If you take a look at this sentence you'll see it doesn't have to be that long. Try dividing it in more centences...
Ex. When we went home he went straight to bed. It was very unusual, I don’t know why. It was only two o’clock in the after noon, so I just sat there by his bed and waited for him to wake up, I waited for him to say "Hello Cobalt", but he didn’t and soon I realized he wouldn’t.
Baii

Hi captain! I love your name. Anyways!

1). You had lots of run-ons and comma splices. Fix those up and you will be great!
2). I really loved the emotion in this piece. You can tell that the dog really loved his owner very much. I feel bad for the dog
3). I would try to describe a little more. Add a few details. Polish it up!

Overall, this was good. Definitely worth my time to read!

Hope this helps!
~~Ktg17

Hello there! XD

This was pretty nice. It reminds me of the Japanese story about a dog named 'Hachiko'. There even is a movie on that now. Very much the same, except the dog in your story knew that his master was dead.

Overall, I love it. Cheers for the cute and loyal dogs!
Keep writing. *wink*

-KAT <3