The Hermit, the Fairy, and the Coon

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The stuffed moose head exchanged glum looks with his companions – other victims of taxidermy. Or, he would have exchanged glum looks with them, had any of them still been alive. But they were dead, all of them. The moose, the buck, the roaring bear, and the bird of prey with its wings spread wide (this last was not a mammal, like the others, but they tried not to hold that against the bird, for she was in the same boat as the rest of them). All had been killed and summarily stuffed, and then wedged into the corners of the hermit’s little shack as trophies that he would never be able to show off. For you see, the man never had visitors. Never even had unwanted visitors, who generally come to call most often.
But though the hermit would never show off his prizes, this fact did not stop him from going out to find more. And this time, the moose thought – or would have thought , if he could have – it’s a true shame.
For this time, the man had brought back something of such rarity and beauty that it was nearly enough to bring a tear to the moose head’s wide, glassy eye.
The man bustled around his little hovel, shoving various this-and-thats off of the little table where he ate his meager meals. His pet coon watched as if in a trance, utterly still. When the man had created sufficient space on the simple wooden surface, he set down the cage, lips curling in triumph. The creature inside the metal contraption fluttered about like a mad bee, beating her tiny fists against the mesh that kept her trapped and helpless.
“Now, now, stop that. You stop it now, hear me?” The hermit frowned down at the cage. She either didn’t understand or wasn’t listening. Whatever the case, if she didn’t stop soon, she’d hurt herself. And if she hurt herself, it was bound to affect how much people would be willing to pay to see her. “I said, stop it now!” He gave the cage a rough shake, and the creature within curled up into a ball with her arms over her head, tumbling about uncontrollably.
She stopped trying to break through the mesh after that.
The hermit bent his head down close to the cage, laughing under his breath. He was going to be rich… Really and truly rich… All thanks to the little winged thing that had wandered into one of his traps. He’d known from the very first of it that it was a fairy, even though he hadn’t really believed in fairies before. It was easy enough to guess, based on the stories his ma had always told him.
What else could the creature be but a fairy? What else so tiny could look so human, with those perfect little hands and feet… That sharply angled face, and tiny, wild eyes… And most impressive of all, those quick, shining wings. Shiny as tin foil. But there was no mistaking it. Those wings weren’t tin foil. They were real.
The fairy had short, frizzy hair as red as the autumn leaves that were wrapped around her torso to make a kind of dress. She wore no shoes, but had a little acorn cap on her head. Or maybe the cap was part of her head; it hadn’t come loose during all her struggling.
Oh, yes. This little fairy was going to make him rich. There was no doubt of it. But how to spread the word about what he’d found? Call the papers? No. No one would believe him. They’d have to see it. All of them.
Pictures. He needed pictures. But for that he’d need a camera, and he didn’t own one. Daryl! Daryl had a camera! He’d go see Daryl, borrow the camera, and come right back. Take some pictures, send them off. People would start to come. And he would be rich.
“Stay here,” he told the coon, scratching its ears fondly on his way out the door. Raised the coon from a kit, he had, after killing its ma. He’d given it a home, and tamed it. It got a bit rascally sometimes, but it was a good pet, for the most part. Good company.
“Stay here,” he said again, grinning. “And when I get rich, I’ll buy you somethin’ good to eat. You deserve a treat. We both do.”
He left, leaving behind the coon, the cage, and the stuffed moose head and its companions.
“Wild one!” The fairy flitted to the front of the cage and looked out at the coon pleadingly. “Let me out! I am a wild fairy! This cage will kill me!”
The coon leapt up on to the table, bringing its face close to the cage, staring curiously at the wild fairy’s shining, flashing wings.
“Please, Brother!” the fairy pleaded. “Release me!”
Then, using all her power, she reached out to the mind of the animal and sent it knowledge. Knowledge of how to open the latch. Knowledge of how to open the cage, and let her out.
The coon looked at its black, human-like hands contemplatively, then at the cage, and again at the fairy’s wings. It reached toward the cage door and unlatched it.
“Oh-” The fairy breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Brother! I-” Her words broke off into a yelp as the coon’s hands shot into the cage and grabbed her around her waist, pulling her out as the coon’s mouth opened wide.
For the coon had been tamed, and was not a true Wild one.

When the man returned, he opened the door to his shack and nearly dropped the borrowed camera. He took in the scene with growing rage. The open cage door. The absence of a fairy. The coon sitting on the floor, something dangling from its mouth. Something crippled-looking that shone and flashed, like a scrap of tin foil.





Perhaps that’s the end. Perhaps the hungry coon got its meal, and the man missed his opportunity to get rich.
But perhaps we’ve missed a part of the story. Perhaps the wild fairy managed to escape the coon’s grasp, losing a wing in the process and becoming grounded for life. Perhaps she crawled through the gap under the door that wasn’t quite square with its frame, and perhaps the moose head and his friends cheered and called encouragements, urging her onward to freedom. Perhaps she called a Wild bird from the sky and climbed onto its back, and flew far, far away from the shack, the cage, and the tame coon.
Perhaps…
But the only ones who might know the truth – all of it – are the coon, the fairy…
And the stuffed moose head.
"Pay Attention. Pay Close Attention to everything, everything you see. Notice what no one else notices, and you'll know what no one else knows. What you get is what you get. What you do with what you get is more the point. -- Loris Harrow, City of Ember (Movie)




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The first thing I'm gonna say is the title, for it is that in which brought me to the piece. I LOVE IT! Second thing is I liked how you put the moose head

And this time, the moose thought – or would have thought , if he could have – it’s a true shame.

Love this line! My only thing is the italics are messed up. Check that please! Lastly, I love the ending. It's great. So yeah I have nothing constructive to say. Or I might have but all who know are the coon, the fairy, and the moose head. :)
I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

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Hullo!

Just a few little things to point out before I get to the real meat of the review.

All had been killed and summarily stuffed, and then wedged into the corners of the hermit’s little shack as trophies that he would never be able to show off. For you see, the man never had visitors. Never even had unwanted visitors, who generally come to call most often.
This part was a little confusing. If unwanted visitors come the most often then how can he not have them? Or by "generally d you mean that unwanted visitors came more often to people in general, not him particularly? Either way, I think these few sentences could use a re-write because I'm still not sure what you wanted to say with them.

His pet coon watched as if in a trance, utterly still.
This is completely up to you of course, but might you consider making it 'coon rather than coon? I (in my infinite ignorance) was not familiar with the term "coon" until I looked it up just now... you do mean the animal to be a raccoon, don't you?

He was going to be rich… Really and truly rich… All thanks to the little winged thing that had wandered into one of his traps.
This is kind of nit-picky, but I don't like the use of ellipses ("...") here. Personally, I think it would make more sense to write it as either "He was going to be rich. Really and truly rich. All thanks to the little winged thing that had wandered into one of his traps." or "He was going to be rich -- really and truly rich -- all thanks to the little winged thing that had wandered into one of his traps." Though if you do decide to keep the ellipses you should know that you shouldn't capitalize after an ellipsis. You did this a few other places as well, and it's not grammatically correct unless the ellipsis is ending a sentence, in which case it should be placed after the period, thus making a total of four dots. In other words:
RIGHT: "He was going to be rich... really and truly rich."
WRONG: "He was going to be rich... Really and truly rich."
RIGHT: "He was going to be rich.... Really and truly rich."
WRONG: "He was going to be rich.... really and truly rich."

Daryl! Daryl had a camera! He’d go see Daryl, borrow the camera, and come right back.
Who's Daryl? When you said before that the hermit had no visitors (at least I think that's what you said! :P), I thought that meant he had no friends... so who is this Daryl character? Why doesn't she ever visit?

“Wild one!” The fairy flitted to the front of the cage and looked out at the coon pleadingly. “Let me out! I am a wild fairy! This cage will kill me!”
Hmm... I know the fairy is excited and desperate and energetic and all that, but she doesn't have to end any sentence with an exclamation point. It's not a huge deal (so far as I know, nobody has ever died of exclamation-point-overdose), but it still bothered me a bit.

Her words broke off into a yelp as the coon’s hands shot into the cage and grabbed her around her waist, pulling her out as the coon’s mouth opened wide.
The repetition here was a little annoying. I think you can just replace the second "the coon's" with "its" since it's obvious who you are referring to.
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Overall, I liked this! The plot was refreshingly simple and the telling delightfully witty. The switches of point-of-view were smooth and I thought they worked well. I also liked the idea of the stuffed moose, and how it kept popping up at different points in the story, quite a lot (should it be included in the title somehow?).

I liked the very end, but the beginning of the end (erm... I mean the beginning of the last section) kind of bothered me. It felt like I shouldn't have had to be told all those "perhapses," I should have been able to infer them myself. I feel like I should have had some little clue to make me wonder if she had escaped after all. I'm not sure how you can fix this without sacrificing that last line (which I love!) but I suggest you at least consider it. I don't like being told to wonder about something -- I would much rather you leave it vague so that I was free to wonder.

Anyway, it was a fun read all in all, simple and fresh, with a fable-like feel that makes you not take it too seriously. I enjoyed reading it.

Please let me know if I was unclear about anything or if you want to debate things I've said. :)
a




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The title is awesome. Don't ever change the title.

Like everyone else, I really enjoyed reading this. I liked the different points of view (especially the ones from the stuffed animals), and I liked the overall fantasy yet realistic feel to this. It was very creative.

One plot detail bothered me, and that was how the hermit went to someone else he knew for a camera. If this guy is a hermit, then isn't there no one else nearby? That bothered me, and it didn't fit very well with the rest of the narrative. Instead, what if he had dropped the camera somewhere and couldn't find it?

The ending also bothers me, but I'm not quite sure it needs fixing either. Generally, I'm not a fan of story's that end ambiguously explicitly. It's like you're hitting the reader with a harm telling them, "Look at this! It's AMBIGUOUS!" Instead, try and see if you can't convey the same message but a little less directly. On the other hand, your ending may be great. It's one of those things where I think it'll depend on the personality of the reader.

All in all, a great story and something I think would be great for younger children.




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This story was excellent, especially the title :) I have to say this felt rather like a fable. It's a rather simple story told in a wonderful way. It's something for children and adults alike. I have to agree with Nate about the transitions: FLAWLESS! I've honestly, in professional stories or not, read better transitions. This is a great piece of literature.

Of course, being me, I've found something to go and ruin my enjoyment. First, it says the Hermit has no visitors, yet he has a friend who will let him borrow a camera? And I thought the characters lacked personality. Why did the Hermit live as he did and why is he alone?

Anyway, it's a new favorite and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days




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All hail the stuffed moose head!!! :)
This story was short but sweet, and could be read by both kids and adults (though really little kids might be upset about the fairy turning into coon munchies.). This is an interesting take on fairies, without the typical sugary sweet endings. Good job! :)
"I didn't lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth!" -Homer Simpson




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Oh, I LOVE this. I'd make grammar points, but everyone else already did that. All I can say is this is awesome, keep writing
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I absolutely loved the first sentence, it captured me inside your story.
Regardless of any ridiculous grammar mistakes, the ones that nobody cares to learn anyway, I thought it was impeccable. Your imagery, your vocabulary, your story-telling, and your general writing technique are all lovely.



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
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