Purple - Chapter 1, Part 2

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This was really good! The formatting made sense and it was interesting to read. I'm just curious how long are you planning to make this because if you want to have this be a long story you are heading in the right direction but if you want it to be a shorter story then you should write the plot soon. (Please make it a long story so I can read a lot of it ). One more thing you could do is use more descriptive words when you said

Carlito wrote:Libbie is small and blonde and drives the biggest truck I’ve ever seen.

You could have added more description and said something more about Libbie instead of just saying she is small and blond. And not just with Libbie you could add description to all the other characters and scenes etc. Other than that GREAT STORY and please pm me when you have the next chapter or part.

Thanks!
Yeah I'm planning on it being a full sized novel. So far I'm a little over 10,000 words

Hi Carlito! It's me again

“It was so fun! You should have been there! It was so dark and so scary! At one point this guy was chasing us and I was in the back so I could hear him and he was saying ‘run faster, I’m going to get you’. It was so scary! I want to go again though.” Harper said.

Okay, first I'd like to talk about correct quotation punctuation. See here, you stated a quote and then ended it with a period. But you then went ahead and gave the 'Harper said.'
In actuality, you have to connect both these sentences with a comma. For example:
"It was super fun," she said. (Notice the placement)
vs.
"It was super fun." She said. (see the difference?)
Here are some more examples:
"So, what did he say again?" she asked. (Even if the question mark is there, you still lowercase the 'she')
"I can't go," I told her, picking my nails, "she doesn't like me there."
Now, there are still other ways to write all these and if you still want some help with it, I've provided a link that can do just that. (insert link here)

Okay, even now, I still don't have much of a problem with the formatting. I like the way it's written, it's fast paced but I think you add a lot of unnecessary things. Such as dragging a few parts, sometimes it's dialog and sometimes it's her feelings. But, still, there are parts of this where I seriously can connect to the main character. What she says and what she wants and thinks, I can totally understand it and that's some real connection with the reader! *thumbs up*
Anyways, Overall, this chapter was nice. I still wished she went with them to the forest place, it would have been fun to read but this band thing you have going on here is also cool!
I'll see you in the next part!

~Pink

Edited the form to make it easier to read. Let me know what you think!
Thanks much

Hello, on to part 2 like I said..

Miyah is very emotional. She hates thinking she’s been lied to or not knowing the full story. So she does everything in her power to make sure she knows the complete story, every time. If one thing conflicts with something someone else told her, she freaks out and a large dramatic ‘fight’ ensues. But, she hates fighting too, so she’ll just be mopey and depressed because she thinks everyone hates her or something until the ‘conflict’ corrects itself.

Personally I think thats a little to "tell-y". Don't just tell us about the character, that can get boring, show us

“Did they really sleep together?” She looked disapproving.

“No. Where’d you hear it from?” I asked. I really hoped this wasn’t getting spread around.

“I heard you talking to Miyah about it. Why, am I not allowed to know?”

“Harper told me not to tell people because it’s not a big deal at all. They didn’t do anything; they just slept in the same bed with Polly too.”

“Oh, so you’re not supposed to tell people but you told Miyah and not me? Thanks.” She was mad.

“I didn’t tell Miyah, Harper told her.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes.

The dialogue is a little bland, spice it up with adjectives/verbs describing the speech and make the actual speech quicker to keep attention.

“Like obviously I want to be friends with Allen, Polly, Evan, and you and Miyah I guess, but other than that I need better friends.”

“Yeah. I don’t really know what to tell you.” I like how I was tacked on at the end with Miyah.

“I don’t really know either.” She shrugged. “Have you seen the new zombie movie that just came out?”

“No, is it good?”

“It’s so funny! You should go see it. Allen, Polly, Evan, and I saw it last night and we might go tonight too.”

“But it’s a school night.”

“So? It’s not like any of us care about school.”

“Right.”

“Maybe we’ll see it this weekend or something too. If we do, you should come.”

“I will.”

Harper looked over her shoulder and noticed Allen walking down the hallway. She smiled and waited for him to be closer. "Hey!”

“Hey! How are you?” He said.

“I’m alright. You still up for that movie tonight?”

“For sure! Are Polly and Evan still coming?”

“I think so.”

“Awesome. Can I get a ride home?”

“Sure. Let’s go. See ya Cora.” Harper smiled as she began to walk towards the doors leading out to the parking lot.

“See ya Harper, bye Allen.” I said.

“Bye Cora.” Allen said and followed Harper out.

Yeah I wasn’t interested in going tonight or anything. Thanks for asking.

Same comment

“We’re on break, let’s do something, I’m bored.” Libbie said to me on the phone.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. We could go to a movie or something.”

“Alright. Let’s do it. Is Miyah still here? We could invite her.”

“I think she’s out of town this week.”

“Okay. Well it can just be the two of us.” I said.

“I’ll pick you up a little after six.”

“Sounds good.”

Try some setting. Where is Cora? Is she on her bed? Is she painting her toenails? (okay, a cliche image but an image none the less). Spice it up!

Its mostly just a mix of you explaining things and then quotes. Mix it up! Spice it up! Show don't Tell!I want some setting!

Hope that helps
I'm gonna do some homework and then I'll probably be on to the next part.