Sometimes...

So, for all thoughs people that hate sad "emo" poems, this isn't one, just keep reading, you'll see.

Just wrote this, not sure about the ending. What do you think??

Sometimes,
life is just,
exactly what you expected.

It’s hard.
You feel like no matter what,
your being pushed down.

It’s like not matter how hard you try,
you just can’t get it right,
and you always end up ashamed.

It’s painful.
People seem to have a habit
of coming into your life
and ripping your heart out when they leave.

It’s like its just not enough
to be a good person,
to live a honorable life,
because we all get hurt.
The good ones the most.

Other times,
life can be
exactly what you expected.

Life can be wonderful,
with many happy,
care-free day.

Like going to the fair,
and riding all the rides,
even the ones,
you know make you sick.

It can be beautiful,
like at the beach,
when the sun sets,
and a red moon rises.

It can be perfect,
a blissful moment
floating through time.
A glorious melody
drifting to you on the breeze.

Some times life is great,
and others it’s not.
So take the bad times
when they come smashing through,
and enjoy the good times,
when they idly wander by.
For a few moments of pure joy,
is worth a lifetime strife.

Okay, I'm LastPaladin and found this when looking for more to reviews, it had no comments so felt doubly obliged to. I took you advice and read through it, I was expecting a little more than a feel good piece about how some things bad others good. It was a let down for a poem that started out bad, but you told me to wait and see. Sure it's a good message, but it just comes across as boring. You could have gone many ways with this, you chose the way which is the least interesting. I'm all fine with poems that encourage people to go on but in such a drab style and with such an anti-climax it comes across as just is that it?

I can't say much about this as their is really nothing much to it, I wish could explain how it conveys certain ideas, but it has only one layer and for a already weak poem to have one layer essentially make it have nothing worth reading, you need to keep our interest and try insert some more themes into this. I say ponder this and it will come to ya.

Hope this helps.

I love the message of this poem but I agree with LastPaladin. I think you should completely rewrite this and add loads of figurative themes and stuff like that. Make the rhytm a little more interesting too.

Good lukc, keep writing!

Hey Rain.

I'm here to review as requested! As you already know, poems aren't my strong point when it comes to critiques. I'm not going to get all nit-picky with grammar because that way, I can concentrate more on the deeper stuff then. What I will say about the grammar though was that you were a little off at times. Although, I don't think it's anything you can't fix easily enough.

My main problem with this is that it has a bit of a tell, not show feel to it. It kind of feels like you're telling us that life is unpredictable, that sometimes it's predictable, that sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but you're not telling us how exactly. You are giving us some details, but they have a bit of a telling feel to them. Take the first stanza, for example.

Sometimes,
life is just,
exactly what you expected.

You're literally telling us that life predictable here. For the beginning of the poem, it sets it off as a little bit weak. You should really start the poem with an exciting or shocking stanza. I know that you're a great writer, so I know that you can be a bit more creative about it.

By the time the poem gets to the end, I have to say that it improves. I'm rather fond of the ending actually. I think that you've written it well and it has a much more showing than a telling feel to it. I think it's partly because you are more descriptive by the end. You might have purposely made the ending more descriptive than the beginning, but if that is the case, then you need to be careful you don't end up making the beginning a little bit bland.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Hello there

Now I'm not much of a poet but I'll do my best to tell you what I think. It was okay. I mean most of the time I was reading it, it felt as if I was in one of those movies where the main character says something wise towards the ending. I can feel it though, your intentions but the piece non the less was just plain for me, nothing new or special.
However, keep writing. This was not half bad.