Fly Away (Preface)

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She does not remember this day. She was too young; a newborn. This putrid day that cursed her family and has forever burdened her. Her birth that her mother loathed the moment she was placed in her arms. It was a normal birth with absolutely no difficulties. Her mother survived and the baby cried until she was blue in the face. Yes, very normal. The only abnormal aspect was that she was delivered a bit earlier than her parents expected. The village doctor said something about his inaccuracy about the date and how it isn’t an exact science. Because of this, her mother had given birth with only her father present. The doctor was visiting a neighboring village. By the time my mother realized what was happening to her, it was too late to call the midwives. The baby was coming.
There was much screaming from her mother and nervousness was illuminating from her father. By the end of it, a different type of screaming was to be heard.
“It is a girl,” her father said. “We have a baby…oh.”
“What?” her mother hysterically exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”
Her father was at a loss for words. All he could do was stare at his child that shivered in the brisk November air. Her mother started to sit up to get a better look at the child. She was too shaken and exhausted and plumped back down in her birthing chair, panting. Her cheeks were rosy and perspiration cascaded down her keck. Her thick brown curls clung to her skin like seaweed.
“Give her here,” the woman commanded. Her mother held out her arms. At first, he looked as if he would protest the demand, but a stern look from his wife silenced him.
Carefully, he placed the newborn baby into the arms of the new mother. “There,” she cooed, “isn’t that better?” Her mother was smiling. There was proof of love and care in her eyes. However, that smile quickly disappeared. “Benjamin.” Her father had turned his back on his wife and daughter and began to pace. “Benjamin, what is wrong with her?”
It was then that she examined the child.
“Get rid of it.”
“Margaret!”
“On the fire with it!”
"Only love heals. Anger, guilt, and fear can only destroy and separate you from your true capabilities."-Damen




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This is an exquisite story!

I was taken immediately by your writing style- in this story, you don't give away too much detail but you draw the reader's attention to the situation, making them thirst for more detail.

cascaded down her keck.

neck

Other than that, there was nothing I thought you could fix.

Wonderful story! Keep me posted (hehe) on the rest! :D
~formerly Ilovebubbles123

"There's only one thing
to do
three words
for you.
Ooh, I love you.

There's only one way
to say
those three words
that's what I'll do.
Ooh, I love you. "

For you.




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"my mother" do you mean "her mother"? the writing is third person so this sudden shift to first is confusing
also "keck" should be "neck"
love the hair as seaweed metaphor, very vivid image particularly as a mother in labour will be sweaty so her hair is likely to stick to her face, strong image - all the way through your writing creates a clear picture more vivid than other writing I have read, I could picture the mother and the birth the whole way through... although I am curious as to what is wrong with the baby? Was the reader supposed to realise this themselves? Did they confuse the gender of the baby? Also "on the fire with it" seems far too strong, when is this piece set? Surely they'd offer the child up for abortion before deciding to burn her!! But otherwise believable all the way through, good descriptions, great work - keep writing :)




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This has a very surprising twist to it! I'm definately interested in hearing the rest of the story! Keep me posted!
You have been adressed by the Lady of the Dragons, lol




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Jayleigh; you're alive!

Glad to have you back! What's been up with you?

Not much to say here; it was a very interesting start to a story. A good hook. Still love your writing style. Didn't find any mistakes, except when you say that the mother's trying to sit up, then 'plumped' back down. Not sure that's the right word. 'Plomped?' Argh! Not sure...

Pm me if you post more? *Wish you'd post more of Breena!* ;)

Tanya




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Hi, this is a good start. I think in a preface it's good to have mystery and uncertainty, but i always find it a bit annoying when something is just left out for purely that reason. For example the fact that you leave out her deformity. Is it really necessary? Would it detract from the story if you just told us what it was? I don't think it would be any less interesting if you just told us, in fact i'd be more interested in finding out what happens to her. But then i don't know what's going to happen, so maybe it is necessary.
It's a good start, i look forward to reading the rest.



There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
— W. Somerset Maugham