This is not a complete story, it's just another little bit, I'd like some suggestions and help re the dialogue, or bascially any critique anyone wants to give me is really needed. This fits in part of a story that is set in the 40s or 50s, the main character is a singer who performs in a show in a club, so anything that sounds a bit old-fashioned is meant to be old-fashioned. If anything doesn't fit with that, let me know.
I found the courage I’d felt backstage was almost gone, now I stood and faced my audience for the last time. I had performed some of my most controversial and talked-about pieces for them, only nights before, but speaking your mind is a thousand miles away from singing the carefully planned words of others. The audience looked up expectantly at me from their drinks, and through the cloud of smoke, I saw John’s proud smile, his arms outstreched over the leather corner seat. John, as bold and strong as his whiskey. John with sovereigns in his eyes, and shining gold in his teeth.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” I swallowed hard, and holding my fluttering heart, spoke the truth for once,
“I would like to say a final farewell tonight. Performing in Revenie’s has been a rewarding experience, and a satisfying one for me personally, I have never before felt such freedom through personal expression. It is with sadness that I have to announce my resignation from The Ghostlight Show,”
John was standing up now. He grabbed hold of Daniel in desperation, and then fell to his seat, his head in his hands, his hair dangling down above his glass. The audience was silent, shocked, I think, and half expecting it to be a joke, an introduction of a new act comprising of the same members,
“I would like to explain my reasons for this announcement. While I have been fortunate enough to perform my show with Daniel each night, a fine pianist and a fine example of a gentleman, I have not experienced such amiable working relations with the owner of this establishment.
“I am no longer able to continue performing under the level of control John Revenie has put upon me. Mr Revenie began an affair with me four weeks ago, and although each night he tells all of you I’m the star of his show, every meeting had to be kept a secret. Every gift he gives me has to be hidden away, every restaurant he takes me to has to be on the other side of town. Why? Because for the last three of those four weeks, John has been frequenting a certain hotel, The Open Door, at uncertain hours of the night, to seek the company of a charming young lady by the name of Bella. Only a matter of hours after Mr Revenie asked me to become his wife and partner in business,”
A gasp, and a flutter of confused whispers. Was this a new act, or a genuine confession?
“In fact only six hours after Mr Revenie asked me this, did I see him on the balcony of the third floor of the Open Door, his arms around Bella, his careful words around Bella, taking out his wallet. Mr Revenie has since threatened me with unemployment, should I go on to decline his proposal, or speak to a single friend or relative about what I saw last night. Since there is no possibility that I will be able to accept Mr Revenie’s proposal, I would like to announce my resignation, and my reasons for this, in front of all the witnesses I feel is appropriate. Goodnight.”
