Wings

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 59
All they told me was
it had been a car.
Said, “Today’s the day.”
And fashioned me
from your skin.

At first I was milk-white,
like fog hovering
over a gray and desolated earth.
Yet day by day the sun
quickly taught us to be peach.

I grew up to match you,
and would sometimes spread
my joints up-up and away;
in some smiling gesture
or crazy seizure of happiness.

We weren’t even different,
I felt that was a fact.
As clear as a fog-less earth...!
But people didn’t look at us
like we were the same.

I really don’t quite
fully understand it myself,
I only know that
wrapping myself around you
was the most I could do.

Quite useless I was,
and you seemed to catch on.
Said, “Today’s the day;
you don’t do me any good.”

And tried to un-fashion me.

What good am I,
to only litter the ground
with evidence?
I know how heavy feathers can be
when gathered up as one.

“Heavier than rocks.”
I know that’s what you called me.
Just a parasite
feeding off your carved-out bones-
like pumpkin shells.

Where were the seeds?

The good stuff inside?
I fought to stay with you.
“Just explain to me;
why is there not even a candle?”

We weren’t even unalike,
I felt that was a truth.
As clear as a cloud-less sky...!
But people didn’t look at us
like we were even similar.

All they told me was
it had been a car.
Said, “Today’s the last day.”
And seized me
from your life.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Got Support~?
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User avatar
Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 44
I think I like it, but I'm not sure I understand it. Obviously you do though, an despite my ignorance I like the words you have used.
:)
If I die young
bury me in satin
lay me down on a bed of roses
sink me in the river, at dawn
send me away with the words of a love song
<3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3649
Reviews 106
Hiya, Hibiscus! You reviewed something of mine, and I thought I'd return the favour. :D
Firstly, I very much liked this. Even though the emotions were subtly shown, I could feel them coursing through this piece. It was powerful, very powerful.
I have to agree with Emalily, however - I wasn't sure what this was about. I wasn't even sure who your characters were. The two differing, confused conclusions I drew were: 1 - that your MC died in a car crash, or 2 - that this is based on something else you've written - a novel, maybe? - and is something to do with this girl being taken away from ... her mother? Her friend?
Apart from that, I enjoyed this greatly.I loved your phrasing and your usage of words: everything flowed beautifully and had some kind of eerie charm, laced with something like danger, that made me want to keep reading. I kept thinking that everything would clear up at the end, however, and then when it wasn't very clearly explained I felt a bit confused :? but perhaps that's just me.
Overall, a very good poem. I think it was just the right length, and I certainly did not find it boring. Keep writing, my friend, I sense talent!
God bless,
Ignis :pirate3:
The POTATO of DOOM

A thousand times it calls your name
A thousand times you hear it
And fools are those who heed its call
But fools are those who fear it.


The Interesting Thoughts of Edward Monkton



Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief