Sylvia

I never wear lipstick,
So when I do it’s like I bit
Into a pomegranate
Or a neck full of blood

God knows you’re heavy –
You’re the reason I quit
But still and even then my
Jewess eyes didn’t quite close

I figured since the madness foreclosed
(A white shining distant light)
It’d be a shame not to make it used
So I claimed it, God forbid –

That happy bookish insanity,
Endless picking at the past:
An old seeping wound, that
Grey matter of the now.

Hey Rose,

So, this is a nice little poem that you've got here. I liked some parts, like the references to the Persephone and the imagery in your last two stanzas. But I'm confused. What is the poem supposed to be about? I'm getting the smoking part of it, but I feel like there is something else here that I'm missing. Just a question about your title: It's called Sylvia, right? Who is Sylvia? Is she the narrator or the "you" that the narrator refers to in the second stanza?

My main suggestion here is to tone down your imagery and get more of a concrete focus. While I like it, it's hard to follow and understand. In the first stanza, you talk about temptation and lipstick, in the second you allude to smoking, and I think you talk about smoking and relapsing in the last two stanzas? I'm not sure, though. While description is good, too much of it can get to be a bit overbearing.

Thanks for the read, and PM me if you have any questions/this review was unclear.

-Elinor x

Hello Elinor! Thanks for reviewing my poem! Yes, it was very unclear and cryptic -- sorry 'bout that. "Sylvia" refers to the author/poet Sylvia Plath, whom I just had the pleasure of researching. I read a couple of her old journal entries and was immediately intrigued. She was quite an odd bird, but rather wonderful, if you ask me. For instance, the lipstick image refers to the fact that on the night she first met her future husband, she (literally) sank her teeth into his neck or cheek (one of those) when he got too personal.

Smoking wasn't what I had in mind at all when I wrote the poem. The word "quit" refers to her attempted suicide at the age of twenty, and "God knows you're heavy" is an allusion to one of her poems, "Daddy". In that same poem she also compares her father to Hitler or a Nazi, and herself to a Jew, hence "Jewess eyes".

I think this about covers it. Sorry it was so hard to understand -- you kind of had to have the foundational bit of knowledge of Sylvia Plath down in order to comprehend the rest of it.

If you have any more questions, please feel free to PM me! Thanks again for the review!!

Sincerely,
Sam

Hey I liked this poem, based on the fact it is presented almost like spoken language.
The description of lips is very good. keep it up!

I rather enjoyed this piece, even though I didn't get the references and had to look at your explanation for it to make sense. It isn't overly cryptic. Even if the reader doesn't quite know what you are referring to, the piece lends itself well to interpretation, so I would imagine that it speaks so different people about different things. That's fine and somewhat admirable. This effect is due to your marvelous imagery and smooth flow. Even though the ideas presented in each stanza don't exactly mesh with one another, they are written in such a way that the transitions aren't abrupt or startling.

I did have a bit of an issue with the third stanza. It doesn't seem to fit with the others exactly. I can't really put my finger on why that might be, except that it just didn't conjure up anything in my head. That doesn't necessarily mean it is bad, but I personally didn't find it as interesting as the rest. Maybe you should try re-wording, re-phrasing, or completely re-writing that stanza. However, if it makes complete sense to you, the problem could lie in my lack of understanding rather than the stanza itself.

Great job, though. I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

-Jason-

S.S. Rose wrote:I never wear lipstick,
So when I do it’s like I bit
Into a pomegranate
Or a neck full of blood

God knows you’re heavy –
You’re the reason I quit
But still and even then my
Jewess eyes didn’t quite close

I figured since the madness foreclosed
(A white shining distant light)
It’d be a shame not to make it used
So I claimed it, God forbid –

That happy bookish insanity,
Endless picking at the past:
An old seeping wound, that
Grey matter of the now.

This was really good. I encourage you to keep writing.