Good to see an entry for the September contest so soon!
I liked this-- it had a wry, dry tone to it and an appealing simplicity that seemed to fit a socially-inept mathematician well. My main issue with it is that so much of it is telling and not showing-- telling about this man's experience, telling about himself, telling about his feelings. You show the brief scene where Bertrand gets Dmitri to sign a summary, but that seems awkwardly stuffed in there, like you just needed an excuse to introduce another character. We don't even get a sentence about what the summary was about, even though he supposedly skimmed it.There are some other seemingly-arbitrary things thrown in. The part about "Bertrand sang. Dexter danced in zero gravity" felt too contrived for a physicist and botanist whom we never meet, and it doesn't give much characterization if that was what you were aiming for. Even the narrator's partiality for poetry seemed abrupt, since it wasn't mentioned until one of the last paragraphs. I'd suggest bringing up the fact that he likes to write poetry earlier, to give readers a chance to get accustomed to the idea. That'll make the end more meaningful.
And I understand the word count constraints, but the ending felt sudden as well, especially with no explanation. Why are they going home three years early? What were they doing up in space anyway, for ten years? This seems like it's about loneliness and what solitude can do to a person's sanity, but instead of seizing the opportunity to show us a snippet of the three men's mindsets, we only get this background-info info-dumping.
So, my main suggestion? You don't have much room to work with, so focus on a scene, and show us some character exploration through it. Dialogue, movements, reactions of these men-- I feel like that's more important than Dmitri's failed date with Natalie or Dexter's dancing.
(Cool last line, by the way.)
Anyway, good job, and best of luck in the contest! PM me for anything.
~Evi
