Que Sera

I have writers block! yes, this happens when I have writers block. What do you think? Terrible? Yeah, me too



I clutch the bottle of beer I’m swigging from, curled up at the counter of the bar.

“Emmy.” The bartender called my name, but I ignored him. I don’t know how he knows my name. I had been sitting at that counter for hours, not wanting to feel anything. I had just been laid-off from my job, after almost seven years. Apparently I wasn’t a hard enough worker. I tightened my grip on the bottle as my anger rose. Seven years. Seven fucking years and I’m laid off just like that.

“Que Sera.” I whisper, gluping back the last dregs

I slam the empty bottle on the counter, and pull out a couple of old bills from my pocket. I put them next to the bottle and slowly stood up, feeling the world tilt as I did so. My knees hit the floor, and I curse, standing up again.

I stumble slowly out of the bar and into the dark night, making my way through the busy streets. I turn to cross the road, stepping off the curb.

Then I can hear the squeal of breaks, feel it hit me straight on. I go flying through the air, and hit the ground, blood pooling around me. I shut my eyes.

Que Sera.

Hello!

This is not terrible by any strech of the imagination, yet it is not perfect either, but you know this. If you were to elaborate and make this inot a full short story it would be even better.

Know this is my nit pick, I do french, so I am pressuming that your use of "Que sera" is supposed to be that. It is spelt incorrectly however. You have put the future stem of etre which is correct but the ending is wrong. I am not going to tell you what it should be, but research it for me please. Also technically it should be On not Que, even though Que is used in the expresson, it is still wrong really :/

Other than my nit pick I loved it, and let's face it, my nit pick is just me being picky!

Good job though. . .

PM for anything at all!

~Retro Disco666

Okay, so for such a short piece, this is actually very well written. But the subject isn't really flash fiction material. Right now, it has little point. There's no lesson, no reason, no backstory (save for the seven years). But, even so, we have a slight handle on the situation. Me, I can picture this almost perfectly, though the car accident was a little vague (though that was probably on purpose). I'd suggest lengthen this, give a moral or at least something to make us think, and post it again.

Also, grammatically correct or not, those of us who don't speak french (or, in my case, don't speak it very well) will have no idea what you're saying with Que Sera. I'd suggest sliding that in there, and then you'll have a far greater effect when he thinks it at the end. But right now all I know is that he says it once in the bar.

This has some really good potential, if you're willing to take the time to really turn this into something great.

loveness, ultraviolet <3

Well, this is a bitter little piece...*Sigh* Tomorrow's Monday, isn't it?
But anyway, I agree with the reviewers before me; you just need to expand on it and let it develop a little more. I would've liked to see you elaborate on the basic message a little more, and to just have a clearer image of everything.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver