A Werewolf Story

Lilyana darted from shadow to shadow, concious of who might be watching.. Shadows provided cover, and cover was something that could protect her from them. The humans that would kill her without a second thought. And though it disgusted her, this was war. Even though it she was in her human form, some humans say they could spot werewolf markings from across a crowded city bar.

Werewolvw were not safe inside the human towns. Especially Lilyana, whose unique and prominant mark was placed at the nape of her neck. Hers in particular was a dark blue, colored in, blue cresant moon. It, like every other werewolf mark said a lot about her. Some humans even claimed they could tell the history of a werewolf by touching their mark. Some werewolves could do it too but that was very rare.

Now, a rustle in the bushes and a shuffle from a nearby alley alerted Lilyana to visitors. She rearranged her hair so her mark was hidden. Normally she would have unveiled her mark and killed whoever attempted to pursue her. Now however, it was three in the morning and she just wanted to hole up in her part of the cave that she shared with her enormous pack.

The rustling and shuffling came closer. Lilyana considered swiching into her wolf form and sprinting home. She would have if switching didn't slow her down enough to get shot and possibly killed. So instead she turned to face her persuers. If she was going to die she would die honorably. Then, seeing who was standing behind her, her jaw dropped.


This is a portion of something I am considering posting. If I get enough yes's along with reveiws I will post it as a novel.

BrooklynWriter wrote:Lilyana darted from shadow to shadow, concious of who might be watching.. Shadows provided cover, and cover was something that could protect her from them. The humans that would kill her without a second thought. And though it disgusted her, this was war. Even though it she was in her human form, some humans say they could spot werewolf markings from across a crowded city bar.

Werewolvw were not safe inside the human towns. Especially Lilyana, whose unique and prominant mark was placed at the nape of her neck. Hers in particular was a dark blue, colored in, blue cresant moon. It, like every other werewolf mark said a lot about her. Some humans even claimed they could tell the history of a werewolf by touching their mark. Some werewolves could do it too but that was very rare.

Now, a rustle in the bushes and a shuffle from a nearby alley alerted Lilyana to visitors. She rearranged her hair so her mark was hidden. Normally she would have unveiled her mark and killed whoever attempted to pursue her. Now however, it was three in the morning and she just wanted to hole up in her part of the cave that she shared with her enormous pack.

The rustling and shuffling came closer. Lilyana considered swiching into her wolf form and sprinting home. She would have if switching didn't slow her down enough to get shot and possibly killed. So instead she turned to face her persuers. If she was going to die she would die honorably. Then, seeing who was standing behind her, her jaw dropped.

Firstly, i should say that you should write for yourself and yourself first, the public second. YOu should write to make yourself happy, then other people happy. On that note, I found that this piece was only okay.
There werewolf thing is overdone, and you should work hard to make it yourself.
Saying that

Hers in particular was a dark blue, colored in, blue cresant moon.

The crescent moon thing has done in The House of Night, by Kristen and PC Cast.
You might want to think of something else. (Plus, you spelt crescent wrong)
You're grammar and spelling is typically good, though, so congrats.

The parts that I found were too cliche were here

Lilyana darted from shadow to shadow, concious of who might be watching.. Shadows provided cover, and cover was something that could protect her from them. The humans that would kill her without a second thought. And though it disgusted her, this was war. Even though it she was in her human form, some humans say they could spot werewolf markings from across a crowded city bar.

Werewolvw were not safe inside the human towns. Especially Lilyana, whose unique and prominant mark was placed at the nape of her neck. Hers in particular was a dark blue, colored in, blue cresant moon. It, like every other werewolf mark said a lot about her. Some humans even claimed they could tell the history of a werewolf by touching their mark. Some werewolves could do it too but that was very rare.

Keep working!
WickedWonder

Hey there, I'm Hawk and I'm here to review!

Well, to start, I just want to warn you that so far it's rather a clichéd start. Honestly, it's hard to write anything original about vampires or werewolves these days, thanks to Twilight and all its little wannabes.

Now, as to the story itself: I noticed a few misspellings and awkward-sounding sentences. It might be easier if you read it aloud; that should alert you to anything that sounds wrong to the ear. When you clean up a story, it makes it much easier for people to read and thus review.

Another issue is the info-dumping. You don't go too heavy with it, especially since this is a short piece, but I just want you to be aware of the fact. Don't give too much backstory and explanations here--your main job in the first few pages of a book is to hook the reader, drop them in the middle of the action and explain little details and nuances later. You want the reader to not be able to put your book down. So don't interrupt the action so you can explain all about werewolf markings and who can do what and all that info that you can talk about later.

And if you want to continue writing this story, then by all means go ahead! As wickedwonder said, you should be writing for yourself, and if you want to see this story through to the end, then go for it. You're the reason you're writing, after all. It's completely up to you; we're just here to help you through the process!

So, that's all I have to say. Please PM me if you have any questions or anything! (: