Flash Fiction

The cold wind scratched desperately at his face and he could feel the crunching of the delicately frosted grass beneath his clumsy feet. Gravestones stood motionless around him, in the black of the night their inscriptions were unreadable. Somewhere in his mind a thought half-heartedly stirred; how strange, it was, that such maelstrom of emotions and energy and pure life could be marked by a cold, dead stone, alone and abandoned, with only the darkness and the frost for company.

He looked up at the church's exterior and sighed.

Lighting a cigarette, he began to wander back out of the graveyard, back to his warm little home for a while.

---

Hello there Baboon

So I'm seeing quite a number of flash fiction posts these days but this my friend was pretty good. It was short but I got so much out of it. It was as if it were a page long essay. It makes me think out of the box and the concept is quite intelligent. Your grammar is pretty good as well.

The cold wind scratched desperately at his face

Great imagery here, I love it.

No bad comments here today, so eh, good job.

Baboon wrote:The cold wind scratched desperately at his face and he could feel the crunching of the delicately frosted grass beneath his clumsy feet. Gravestones stood motionless around him, in the black of the night their inscriptions were unreadable. Somewhere in his mind a thought half-heartedly stirred; how strange, it was, that such maelstrom of emotions and energy and pure life could be marked by a cold, dead stone, alone and abandoned, with only the darkness and the frost for company.

He looked up at the church's exterior and sighed.

Lighting a cigarette, he began to wander back out of the graveyard, back to his warm little home for a while.

---

I couldn't find any errors. *claps for you* I guess I can't be of any help.... Sorry. I liked this either way.
~Ladypurple

Hi Babs! Lavvi here.

As none so far have decided to go in depth, and even though it is short, I'll get the most out of this piece.

The cold wind scratched desperately at his face and he could feel the crunching of the delicately frosted grass beneath his clumsy feet.

This is fairly long for an opening sentence (though the piece IS short), but nonetheless I think it needs rephrasing/rewriting. You've gone a little on the extreme for this sentence, and the first sentence of a piece, be it a novel or some flash fiction, should be simple but still draw the reader in. Below I have your sentence with my suggestions in bold.

The cold wind scratched desperatelywhipped at'round his face and he could feel the crunching of the delicately frosted grass beneath his clumsy feet.as he stepped down on the frosty grass, creating a slight crunching sound.

Simply a suggestion, but the first bolded part (about the wind) is strongly suggested that you change it to something similar to that.

Gravestones stood motionless around him, in the black of the night their inscriptions were unreadable.

Note the italicized words/punctuation. The word motionless is utterly redundant where you used it as gravestones are forever immobile no matter the circumstances (this includes someone moving a gravestone). Next: the comma where you used is poor grammar. You should have used a semi-colon (;). Below is the corrected sentence:

Gravestones stood hauntingly around him; in the black of the night their inscriptions were unreadable.

As the word "hauntingly" is merely a suggestion of mine, you aren't obliged to use it, but I strongly suggest you find an adjective for that area or else the sentence feels incomplete. But don't use adjs like: motionless, still, frozen etc.

Somewhere in his mind a thought half-heartedly stirred; how strange, it was, that such maelstrom of emotions and energy and pure life could be marked by a cold, dead stone, alone and abandoned, with only the darkness and the frost for company.

Italicized= problem. First, half-heartedly is definitely misused as a word here. Deletion of it completely won't hurt. Second, instead of a semi-colon, this time it's a colon (:) XD Third, between such and maelstrom, you need an "a". Fourth, delete "the". These are all minor problems, but they all need to be fixed.

Overall

For a such a short piece, I really liked it. Because of that, I wanted all mistakes that I could find fixed so this could be at its best. I think it's great being short, it still captures a sense of the character, what he is doing and the landscape around him. Really, I loved this

I'm looking forward to more of your flash fic.

Yours,

Lavvi

Thanks for all the feedback

The cold wind scratched desperately at his face and he could feel the crunching of the delicately frosted grass beneath his clumsy feet. Gravestones stood motionless around him, in the black of the night their inscriptions were unreadable. Somewhere in his mind a thought half-heartedly stirred; how strange, it was, that such maelstrom of emotions and energy and pure life could be marked by a cold, dead stone, alone and abandoned, with only the darkness and the frost for company.

He looked up at the church's exterior and sighed.

Lighting a cigarette, he began to wander back out of the graveyard, back to his warm little home for a while.

---

Brilliant, you should definately write more flash fiction. Your very good at it. Theres nothing wrong with the way you wrote it so I'd keep the words you've used. Good Read!