The Rose Garden

She sat alone, in the rain
She laughed as the wind blew
10 years it was going to be
Today, she knew

Beautiful hair and ivory skin
eyes that glittered with tears
she was the bride of his love
She loved him still, though he was no more

Walking in the rain
Silver rose in her hand
She entered the garden of rose
Where thier story had begun
Where it was going to close

In the middle lay her love
One with leaf and earth
Adorned with silver roses
That bloomed once a moon

A rose for every year
Ten roses there were true
Ten years had gone by
Since thier love had blossomed too

She looked like death, yet smiled like the sun
As she walked towards where he lay
Legs gave way, and on her knees she crawled
He waited for her lying still like life on a pause

As she fell by the grave
The thorn pierced her heart
Bled over silver rose, red
The garen and her, become one

Soon she too fell asleep
to never wake again
The last words she breathed were this
My love, I am now, forever yours to keep.

Hi, Smriti! This was a great narrative poem. It really sucked you in. But there was a few typos but not enough to ruin your effect. One was that on the third line you use the number 10 yet later in the poem you spell it out. I suggest you spell out ten so it would be:

ten years it was going to be

And there was one more:

The garend and her, become one

But otherwise this was written well. Impeccable symbolism might I add. Keep writing.

~TPak

Reminds me of Romeo and Juliet really interesting

Hey there!

So there was great imagery here. The only thing I feel like I should comment on is your structure. Every other paragraph there was a rhyme. I would read one paragraph, see the second and fourth lines rhyme, and expect it in the next paragraph, but there wasn't. And then you would have some four-line stanza's, and some five-line.

That's fine, but try not to rhyme every other stanza. It looks a bit sloppy, like you didn't try all that much to make rhymes.

But I really liked the imagery, as I said above. It's really pretty, especially the part about her bleeding over the silver rose.

Keep on keeping on,

Classy

She sat alone, in the rain
She laughed as the wind blew
ten years it was going to be Generally, numerals aren't used unless for a special reason. I couldn't find a special reason here.
Today, she knew

Beautiful hair and ivory skin Ivory skin is a bit cliche, but I suppose it's a matter of preference
eyes that glittered with tears Also a bit cliche
she was the bride of his love
She loved him still, though he was no more

Walking in the rain
Silver rose in her hand
She entered the garden of rose I don't really like the repetition of rose.
Where their story had begun
Where it was going to close

In the middle lay her love
One with leaf and earth
Adorned with silver roses
That bloomed once a moon

A rose for every year
Ten roses there were true
Ten years had gone by
Since theirlove had blossomed too

She looked like death, yet smiled like the sun Cliche with "look like death"
As she walked towards where he lay
Legs gave way, and on her knees she crawled
He waited for her lying still like life on a pause

As she fell by the grave
The thorn pierced her heart
Bled over silver rose, red
The garen garden? and she, become one She is used because the woman is part of the subject, she's not having anything done to her, so she's not an object

Soon she too fell asleep
to never wake again I don't advise splitting the verb like this. "never to wake again" reads better
The last words she breathed were this
My love, I am now, forever yours to keep.

Okay, so other than what I mentioned, I rather liked this. It was depressing, but not in a bad way. The flow wasn't bad, and I think that by proofreading, you can very well have a good poem on your hands.

Keep Writing!

--Sporks

Hey SmritiBansal!

First of all! You misspelled "their." You wrote it as "thier" instead. So make sure that you correct those spelling errors!

Now, for your poem! I liked the sentiment and such. Rose gardens always were significant to me, so it's cool that she is going to go there for her last. However, I wonder two things...

1.How exactly did he die there?

2. How exactly did she die by a thorn? That must be one huge thorn!

So it just doesn't really make sense that way. I would rather her eating a poisoned plant that she found amidst the roses. It would make more sense to me, lol. But your call!