Passionless...

Just another rant, something random I came up with this morning.


Though I am an avid supporter of the poetic arts,
I could never be a critic. Just the thought of rating
another poet's material makes me feel weak
as if my words are empty and hollow. Nothing
about them feel substantial.

Even seeing the comments of other writers
who criticize another's work, yank at the very fiber of my being.
Just the thought that one can tear at someone's piece so
callously, so heartlessly leaves me disgusted! For Who are we to rate passion?

I speak to all those who've raked through my words, and titled them passionless.
You want passion? Check the graves where those
so-called hopeless poems reside and excavate them, feel their hunger,
their pain, and their loss as I have.

Do not blind fold your minds with the traditional standards of writing.
Look not for the structure of the draft but the creativity and power in its words and
you'll see the passion!

You'll see that our passion is an inheritance that flows from our ancestors who
anointed their burdens upon us,and in result our past and present are products of their hopes and dreams and the foundation of our future is built in the blood of generations before us.

I know their pain;I feel the same; I know their sorrow;It's mine also.
It's their passion that burns bright in my belly like the sun from which I photosynthesize my strength.
That passion is the ink that bleeds onto this paper,
Is the water in my fountain, and the fuel to my fire that will never die.
I may be wordy, because I have a lot to say. I may be confident because I believe in what I say.
But I am NOT passionless.

Hey!

I think this is a topic lots of people can relate too, and you argued your case really powerfully. I loved this part:

That passion is the ink that bleeds onto this paper,
Is the water in my fountain, and the fuel to my fire that will never die.

Still, I'm not sure a poem is the best format for this. To me it feels more like a bunch of sentences that have been occasionally split into lines, rather than a poem which considers meter and flow. I mean, yeah, it's the words and the imagery that say what you're saying, but presenting them so that the poem reads naturally can make them have much more of an impact. Just splitting up some of those lines that stretch right across the page would improve the flow massively.

Keep writing!

-Kiwi

Hi Ray!

It feels strange that I am reviewing a poem that says that reviews are abhorrent, but hey, more ironic things have happened!

This was my favorite part:

I speak to all those who've raked through my words, and titled them passionless.
You want passion? Check the graves where those
so-called hopeless poems reside and excavate them, feel their hunger,
their pain, and their loss as I have.

This is really quite poetic! You have turned poems into dead bodies and then, with a few more words, turned them into ghosts who are still reaching out in our world. That is awesome. That is what poetry should do. To transform the plausible into the impossible and twisted. That's remarkable.

The rest of your poem doesn't really do this. I don't mind the introduction that much (it kind of reminds me of "Terrence, this is stupid stuff" by A.E. Housman). But, you should follow up that stanza with as much power and fury and poetry that you have with this stanza. At the moment, it drifts back to the more selfish side of things. Instead of treating poems as people, it goes back to me, me, me. I think it would be better for you to keep the people idea alive. And, if possible, connect your ancestors with the ghosts. That sort of connection, if well done, can be super creepy and awesome.

Good luck with your poem! It's not passionless... but you can definitely transform it into something truly gripping.

Hey!
I really like the idea and I know that most of us feel the same way but the truth is the critics are just trying to help you.Now the first two stanza's don't feel like a poem much.I guess you could try removing some of the full stops and breaking up a bit so it seems less like sentences and more like verses.The third stanza it really starts getting better.It gives the flow and emotion of a poem.I think you can do a lot with this poem,it just needs some editing.I hope i helped

......... July .........

I really like this poem. You are turning tweaked sentences into verses of poetry, and that is what a true poet should do! I especially like the lines,"That passion is the ink that bleeds onto this paper,
Is the water in my fountain, and the fuel to my fire that will never die." Only a few more lines like this can completely transform your poem. Dig deeper to find the meaning of passionless, and use as many similes and metaphors as you can along the way. Good luck, and keep on writing! You have a talent!

~Lindsay