We Used To Be Friends

I have decided this is going to be a song, which means I will probably end up completely re-writing it to make it fit with a tune. Ah well... this is all I've got so far.

We used to be friends
A long time ago
But then that all changed
And I really don't know
What happened between us
We drifted apart
I took some pictures
And you took my heart

I'm not a great fan of poetry, but I really like this. I can imagine this being a song.
I'm not going to give you many tips, because I'm just a novice and I'm really bad at poetry, but I don't think you should extend it much unless you want to make it a song, because I think this poem is one that is better off short.
I liked this poem because it's short and sweet; it's got a nice rhythm and it's about something that I (and probably a lot of others) can easily relate to.

This is a nice piece- the title and first two lines REALLY remind me of the Dandy Warhols song, but the rest is different. I think that this could definitely be added onto, and perhaps some imagery added into what you already have. As-is though, nice job. I like it. Great concept, and great execution, so far.

-Coral-

This is always a great subject to write about. It happens to everyone, and therefore, we can pretty much all relate to it easily. Overall, I like it. You could definitely add some more to it, but as I understood, it's not the final copy, right? I would love to read it when it is, finished. You have a great base! Keep it up.

-Other One

Hey there MadHatter, Flower here, and I will be your reviewer for the morning. I want to start off by saying that, this is a really short poem, I think that it has great potential to be added onto, but as it is you don't really tell us very much. All you tell us it that you had a friend and that ya'll aren't friends anymore. There isn't much more to it. Also you have no punctuation in this piece. That is one thing that is very distracting to the reader.

We used to be friends
A long time ago You need to add a comma here, and it really isn't necessary to have a capitol leader at the beggining.
But then that all changed No capitol letter.
And I really don't know I think you should add a comma here. I think you get the point, add where you break at. Make it to where the rhyme isn't hard to understand. You have done this well by just rhyming, but you don't want the reader looking back for punctuation that isn't there to judge it.
What happened between us
We drifted apart
I took some pictures This is the only imagery in the entire poem, and I do believe you should add some more.
And you took my heart[/quote]
The only other thing is the title didn't catch my attention, other than that good poem.

-Flower-

Well, this is a great start. In the rest of the poem, like has been stated, add more imagery. The title is very chilced though so you might want to consider changing that... The theme is common, but if you write it like others haven't this could be very good!

~Rain~

I know it's a common theme, but that's because it happens to so many people. I don't really care if it sounds the same as all the other poems because I am not writing about them or for them. I am writing how I feel and I am writing for myself. And there will be more imagery, this is just the first verse. It is not finished.

Hiya! My name is Hayley, and I'm going to do an ickle review!

OK, well even though your poem was in progress, I'll still do a Pro's and Con's thing, only because it's much easier for me, and for you.

Pro's,
- It flowed lovely off my tounge and the ryhme did not feel forced.
- It was well written with no obvious mistakes that I could see.
- It kinda sounded like song lyrics, which shows how versitile it could be.

Cons's,
- Now,I hate to be mean and picky, but I think even though the rhyme sounded lovely, it didn't really make sense much, although that's just my opinion.

Good stanza, I look forward to reading the finished piece!

Hayley

Simplicity at its finest! Simple poetry with heavy meaning is my favorite kind. Your words rhyme nicely and the flow is nice. Keep up the good writing babe:)

At first, I was a little iffy about it. But then I read the whole thing, and I absolutely fell in love with it. I have to agree with the person above me, Simplicity at its best, most defiantly.