Alright...so, I wrote this poem last night while I was half asleep. xD I didn't do too much editing, but I was peer-pressured into posting it. (You know who you are you wonderful people)
So, since I was half asleep, I don't know how good it is. =D
It's longish and the stanzas seem to get...wider...as you progress. xD
Anyways, thanks in advance for any reviews!
Oh my dear friend,
You've been fading away.
Your eyes are so desperate,
They've shackled you;
Beaten you till you bled.
You're so broken now,
and you're left like this,
twisted and ready to rot.
My dear fading friend,
My eyes are so full now,
Of these crystalline teardrops.
And they fall so uselessly
Onto those shackles you're bound to.
You keep refusing me,
Unwilling to see that slowly,
Who you are is decaying.
And why, my dear friend,
Can you not see that monster?
He's holding the chains,
And sneering at me.
I've been veiled in fear,
There's something he's saying,
Profuse words that make me quiver.
“He's mine, he's mine.”
My lost dear friend,
Your radiance has vanished.
That which was once so obvious,
That hope festering in you is gone.
You say it's deserted you,
But I know this is a lie.
For it's so obvious,
that you deserted it.
I no long see my dear friend.
This spiralling hatred is all I have left,
Of a once captivating love.
My tears have stopped dripping.
those tiny wet speckles on your shackles,
bring no more than extra pain.
And my newest fear,
Is that you're forever gone.
You were once my dear friend,
but there was no end to the nightmare.
You wouldn't accept love,
The love I was so freely offering.
You were lost then and forever,
And no longer do I see,
That monster who held your chains,
Or the chains he was holding.
Oh my forever lost friend,
There's no monster holding you back,
He's a part of you now.
He lets you ravage freely.
You're one and the same now,
And your gain is also your greatest loss.
For out of your lips come his words,
Words that choke me.
“He's mine, he's mine.”
). But in all honesty, my enjoyment ends there. The poem itself is so cramped with cliched imagery and phrases that any positive marks there may be are irrelevant. In order for this to become a well-rounded poem, you need to get rid of these terms and stay away from them for good. Not too difficult to do!
):
