No Weeping

No Weeping

Once I savored loneliness,
I thought it could explain,
the reason why I felt so lost,
the reason for my pain.
Only now do I see,
that loneliness was the key,
that changed my life enough,
to bring you close to me.
Even though I love my world,
the place inside my head,
I want you more than ever now,
that world is truly dead.
I love your smile,
and the way you work your charms,
and the way you hold me tight,
as I sleep in your arms.
Once I wanted independence,
I thought I hated risk,
but now with you by my side,
I know I can persist.
How do I know that this
is not abnormality,
can you truly tell me,
this is reality?
Because I want to know,
that when I wake from sleeping,
you'll be there to hold me,
and there shall be no weeping.

Hi there-
So, I thought this had a nice and concise rhyming scheme, but it seemed to dominate the whole piece. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of rhyming, especially so when it isn't a subtle one. The words in this poem were overruled by rhyming.
Otherwise, I thought this was quite good.. the rhythm, when I wasn't concentrating on the rhyming scheme, seemed a bit off to me in some parts, but otherwise, very nice job. c:

-Coral-

Hey,

Okay, at the best of times I don't like rhyme that much, but here it works yet still annoys me. If you are going to rhyme I think it needs to be broken up into stanzas as it help the flow better and gives the reader breathes as rhyming poetry tends to have a faster pace than most.

I thought the actual idea behind the piece had been done before. So it is hard to get a unique poem from something from this, so I would try and make it stand out more.

Keep Writing.

~Retro Disco666

you've got a punctuation mistake, but other than that, it's fine. I really like this poem. It says a lot. There were a few parts where your rhythm was a bit off though. I like how you described how she feels for him and how you included the part of having her won world.

I liked this piece. Very emotional. It's always good when you can get out what your feeling like this. I did think some of your lines just didn't go together. Maybe if they were broken up differently. But overall, very nice.

XO Change

Hello there, Flower here, and I will be your reviewer for the evening. It will be a short review at that, and I apologize in advance, but I didn't find much wrong with this poem.

One thing that I did notice, was that it was somewhat choppy and jumpy. I think that with the scheme you have chosen you should break it up into stanzas. Without the break it makes it seem like you change subjects completely. I also think you could add more emotion to this poem. That is what you like now isn't it haha, so add it. I want to read something that keeps my complete attention. I want those images and words that make me want it to never end.

All in all it was very nice though, just needs a little work.

-Flower- (Thanks for the review by the way)

I liked everything about this the only thing you need to do is go through and fix punctuation mistakes. Sometimes when I read poetry I get stuck on the rythming words but in yours I thought that the words flowed together nicely, I also like how the title was the last verse in the poem. Great job I really enjoyed this!
P.S- sorry if this reveiw was weak but I really thought you did a great job on this!

Hello,

I liked this poem, a lot actually. It is nice, going from what you think will be a sad poem to a romantic poem... Got a suggestion though.
You should really separate the lines into stanzas, like this:

Once I savored loneliness,
I thought it could explain,
the reason why I felt so lost,
the reason for my pain.

Only now do I see,
that loneliness was the key,
that changed my life enough,
to bring you close to me.

Even though I love my world,
the place inside my head,
I want you more than ever now,
that world is truly dead.

I love your smile,
and the way you work your charms,
and the way you hold me tight,
as I sleep in your arms.

Once I wanted independence,
I thought I hated risk,
but now with you by my side,
I know I can persist.

How do I know that this
is not abnormality,
can you truly tell me,
this is reality?

Because I want to know,
that when I wake from sleeping,
you'll be there to hold me,
and there shall be no weeping.

There are also a lot of comas that you really don't need in here... When you are putting in a coma think as the lines you are separating with that coma as a sentence, if you wouldn't but them there when writing the lines in a sentence, don't but them in...

Overall, I loved the poem! It was sweet, caught me off guard, I thought it was going to be sad but then turned out to be of love, Great job!!

~Rain~

Thanks everyone! I actually wrote this poem after listening to the song The Only Exception, by Paramore. I loved the song so much that I used its lyrics ideas to create this peice.