Broken Family

I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt.
The strong breeze interwove with my hair and started to dance, lifting my black curls to the sky. My face fell warm when the morning suns rays hugged it tight. The sky, a soft pink and royal blue, with a hint of lemon yellow and fire orange. Small clouds overhead cast down a shadow onto the lonely sand. The small grains of the beach crunched under my footsteps. Each time I move, the grains cramming to refill the space my footstep left open. The waves, a deep blue more royal than the brightest sky, washed up onto the shore in a rhythmic melody. Each giant wave, covered with a layer of white foam, sent bright white spray into the sky. Then, gravity goes to work and the small droplets of ocean water fall back to the sea.
I only wanted to keep my child. I didn't know he would commit suicide. I didn't understand what he was going through. At least I can help my baby- our baby, grow into a beautiful young woman.
I could have saved him. I could have gotten an abortion like he wished me to. I could have killed our child. But once I heard that weak heartbeat, I gave in, I could not hurt it. Instead I hurt him, on the inside.
I stood silently, swaying with the music of the beach. And yet, as I stood here I thought. Why, if I get to enjoy this beautiful, wonderful place, can I not forget about what I have done? I thought this is the kind of place you go for refuge, for peace, for tranquility?
Or is it not?
Because as long as I stand here, the worse the feeling inside of me gets until soon, I will just want to be free of it. Along with everything else.
Free like he is now.

You have a decent opening with "I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt" (though some might say it's the kind of opening that's been used many times before).

However! You quickly ruin your opening by having a lengthy description of scenery and the weather with overly lofty, kinda cliched/trite descriptions (the breeze interweaving...the rays hugging her face...the soft pink and royal blue sky with a hint of lemon and fire orange...lonely sand...a deep blue of the waves more royal than the sky (that's kinda corny)). You spend far too much time on a fairly uninteresting scenery. The description itself is well done, but drags on. The extreme opposite is that it can be cut down to a few words. "I stood on the beach." (Not that you should use that, but y'know, cut it back some. We know what beaches are like.)

Not only that, but you've put too big of a separation between the "What have I done?!" and the "This is what I did." It takes away from the tension and the emotion.

I only wanted to keep my child. I didn't know he would commit suicide. I didn't understand what he was going through...Instead I hurt him, on the inside...can I not forget about what I have done?

Umm...what? What did she do? It's vague and gains nothing by being mysterious. Tell us what happened, show us how they felt, what choices they had to make. You can't boil down a crippling depression into the words, "What have I done? I hurt my son and he killed himself. I might kill myself." and ask us to feel pity for her.

Your word choice and structure, however, is pretty good. You step slowly and want to create a vivid snapshot of what's going on, but you either tell us too much or too little.

Lemme know if you have any questions.

I don't have much to say but I would like to take the oppurtunity to say that this is a fabulous piece of work. Well done and keep it up!

This is now Charlotte's Dad reviewing to help her earn points (she's only 8!)

I disagree with the earlier review. I think the extended description adds a real sense of beauty to this piece and I was quite touched by the picture that was painted.

There are a few technical problems though. The tense keeps changing - is it in the present or past tense? There are some typo's eg
Fell warm when the morning suns - this should be 'felt' (or feels) and sun's, and

'inside of me' - I wouldn't have used 'of' here.
Also, do you need 'with' with the verb interweave. Not sure myself.