The Eyes Of Death

People had been talking about death and what may come after, so this came to mind. Burn it if you want. You can keep the ashes.

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I looked into the eyes of death,
and he asked me if I was scared.
I don't know what I fear more,
death, or what lay after.

Would you be scared if you knew
there was nothing after life?
Or would you rather wait,
to enter the afterlife?

Who really knows what awaits
after your final breath?
And if you did, would you want to know,
what is truly at the end?

kingolions wrote:I looked into the eyes of Death, This needs to be capitalized, because you are using it as a name.
and he asked me if I was scared.
I don't know what I fear more,
death, or what lay after. Take the comma out.

Would you be scared if you knew You just used the word "scared." I change this it "afraid" or something like that.
there was nothing after life?
Or would you rather wait,
to enter the afterlife? These two lines have a choppy feel. If it were me, I'd write "Or would you rather wait to enter/ the nothingness of afterlife?" Of course, I didn't write this, and you probably hate my solution. Still, it reads awkwardly and I'd change it around a bit.

Who really knows what awaits
after your final breath?
And if you did, would you want to know,
what is truly at the end? <- I really like this line.

Okay, so I really like this. It has a nice message and short, sweet lines. I do feel, though, that you could collaborate on this more, lengthen it, delve deeper into the subject. You don't have to, but I'd think about it.

Wow, I really like this poem. The rhyme scheme is great, makes it read nicely and flow wonderfully.

Would you be scared if you knew
there was nothing after life?
Or would you rather wait,
to enter the afterlife?

This is my favorite part, it makes you think about how you would answer it, and it is a very hard question to answer...

I think that this is a great poem and I agree with ultraviolet, afraid would work a lot better...\

Great poem,

~Rain~

Hello there King!

Here to review.

I looked into the eyes of death,
and he asked me if I was scared.
I don't know what I fear more,
death, or what lay after.

Repetition but don't worry though, it's not like it's a bad thing. Perhaps if you could have just add a bit more of imageries. I didn't feel any strong aura coming here especially if you're talking about death. Also it could be better if you placed some syllabic patterns to make the flow better. And don't ever forget about the verb consistency, so replace 'don't' to 'didn't'.

Would you be scared if you knew
there was nothing after life?
Or would you rather wait,
to enter the afterlife?

Again, there goes the repetition. Thesaurus and dictionary is your friend, king. And using better or strong words will affect this poem in a good way. And plus, I think you don't need to place a comma there after the word 'wait'.

Who really knows what awaits
after your final breath?
And if you did, would you want to know,
what is truly at the end?

This is a good final stanza, impressed me a bit. However, I didn't feel any conclusion or whatever you're really trying to point out here. I mean, you do a lot of questions but you didn't actually show us what really comes afterlife. I don't know what I'm blabbering here. haha.


~

I think this has potential, maybe just make this stronger and interesting because I've seen some poems which have the same concept as yours here, so make this one stand out, King. But kicking aside those negative comments of mine, I thank you for the good read. PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri