The Beggar

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“The Beggar”

Long ago, the twin Limshanks princes of Hallus Kingdom married the twin Dirailla princesses of Emephina Kingdom. They have lived happily and lavishly and their status in the society was once widely known. Prince Darry Limshanks and his wife resided inside the Hallus castle, which was located in the western end of the kingdom, while Zedric Limshanks and his wife chose to reside in a lovely, isolated cottage on the eastern end of the kingdom.
Several years have passed and Zedric’s family has become forgotten by everybody except the Royal family. However, no one knew if they still had contact with one another. No one knew of what had happened between the two families.
Our story now goes to a fourteen-year old boy named Edmund, whose surname is unknown to everybody, but he is known to be the one of the few beggars of Hallus. Mendicancy was rare in the said kingdom, which makes it easy to identify beggars from the tramps that lingered the streets.

“Hast thou spare farthings, sir, madam?” asked poor Edmund as he opened his palm to the ungenerous couple who just passed by him.

Edmund sighed and simply sauntered away. He would see littered old newspapers on the ground saying on the front page in bold letters, ‘Son of Prince Darry – Lost!’ Not that he cared, he continued begging as he walked through scantly crowded streets, which he always did. There were also times when he made it halfway towards the castle from East to West. The kingdom was quite small after all, most likely the size of a city.
Edmund’s route had always been straight, not strolling into those narrow lanes, which lead to the North or the South, where he often thought he would get lost. Then, he would get back home straight again from West to East. He is sometimes seen passing through the thin array of pine trees at the end of the day, which was rumored to be the location of the old ‘Royal’ cottage. And, he was rumored to be the forgotten ‘Prince’. Though, anyone hardly believed it.
The morrow’s sun had risen and it was the 16th of October. The date was something memorable, for it was the day when Darry Limshanks was finally proclaimed new King of Hallus!
The announcement intrigued everyone, and the audience was intrigued by the speech of the new king. New King Darry Limshanks stood at the top of the central balcony of the keep. Banners of blue and gold were hanging everywhere. The audience just stood there at the open area before the keep, looking up high at the newly crowned king.
Edmund and his unrecognizable parents were there too. His parents wore hoods for concealment, but he did not know why. Still, the young and naïve Edmund did not care at all. He was scrutinizing the face of the new king, like he had met him before. An infamous speaker began the final words in the background and the applause followed. Edmund continued to stare at the new king’s face albeit the latter was already leaving back into the keep. Nearby, some of the women near them were already making rumors.

“Hath His Highness found his long lost son?” asked the woman in a blue-bowed cream hat.

“Shouldst His Highness care?” replied another woman. “He hath replaced him with another son, hath he not?”

And then, Edmund heard his mother speak to his father, “Thy brother hath lost a son?”

“Thou hast a brother, father?” Edmund asked from nowhere.

Both of his parents were surprised. But luckily, Edmund was innocent enough. His father didn’t answer, though.
“Answer me, father, hast thou a brother?”

“That is…not any of thy matter, Edmund,” answered his father gently, trying to be rude.

“I am not young anymore!” uttered Edmund silently but firmly. “If thou hast kept secrets from me—“

“Hush, Edmund,” told his mother, “We are not to attract attention.”

“And, why art thee wearing hoods?” continued Edmund, “Art thee hiding?”

Neither his father nor his mother spoke. Not until when the coronation was already over, when the people had left the castle grounds and were already filling the avenue with rumors and chatter.

“Thou shalt get our harvest from home, dear,” told his mother while they were walking. “And no begging.”

“Thou shalt sell them to the market whilst we tendeth to our garden,” she continued after a few steps.

Early that afternoon, Edmund began selling their crops to the market.

“Wouldst thee buy it, madam?” asked Edmund politely.

“Oh yes, please, all of it, good lad,” answered the good-hearted vendor. “There you go.”

“Thank thee,” replied Edmund as he received his payment.

He was about to walk away when the vendor called him back.

“What is it, madam?” asked Edmund.

“What is thy name?” said the vendor.

“Edmund,” the boy answered.

“Here,” said the vendor as she took a single of bread from her pocket. “Take it, good lad.”

“Thank thee, madam!” exclaimed Edmund as he took the bread from the vendor.

He was so grateful, and smiled as he turned away from the stall. He made a few steps and opened his mouth, ready to take a bite on the bread, but suddenly, a teenage mugger went shouting at him and told him to give his bread. Edmund then ran away and away from the mugger, with his bread still in his right hand.
Luckily, the mugger was blocked by the crowding buyers and he was finally safe. Still running, he looked back to make sure the mugger is gone, and yes, the mugger was really gone. Edmund was still running though he has left the market already and has reached the grass fields just outside the walls of the castle. As he tilted his head back to where he was going, he bumped into someone surprisingly.
It was a boy, and looked younger than Edmund by one year. Both of the two boys fell down because of the impact.

“Oh, sorry!” apologized Edmund as he helped the boy get up.

Then, when they were finally up, he was able to look at the boy’s royal clothing which surprised him and made him drop to his knees.

“Oh prithee,” he exclaimed. “I apologize to thee, Prince of Hallus. Please forgive me!”

“Art thee all right, my lord?” asked the slave which came and tapped off the dirt off the royal clothes.

“I am all right,” replied the young prince with a gesture that ordered the slave to stop.

“What is thy name?” he asked to Edmund.

“Edmund…” answered the unfortunate beggar, “Sorry, sir, but my father told me not to speak of our family name.”

“It is fine,” said the good prince.

“Thank thee, sir,” continued Edmund. “Pardon me, sir, but I would like to know thy name.”

“Erin,” uttered the prince.

“’Prince Erin’ it is then, sir,” said Edmund.

The slave stepped forward and talked to the young prince.

“My lord,” she spoke. “Thy mother will be looking for thee.”

“Farewell,” said the prince to Edmund, without turning to the slave.

“Fare thee well, sir,” said Edmund with a bow.

Edmund, who managed to avoid any mugger in the streets, finally headed home for dinner. Once during his walk in the streets, a rich woman yelled at him – “Get away, beggar!” and he had nothing to do but to keep distance. He passed the thin array of pine trees like he had always have and reached his home, which did seem to be the rumored ‘Royal’ cottage, at last. For dinner, they had a warm vegetable soup which his mother cooked. Edmund began to talk about his encounter with the prince just before his first sip.

“I met the prince earlier,” spoke Edmund as he continued to take a sip.

Her mother, who dropped her spoon, replied, “How was thy…ehem…His Highness?”

“He’s perfectly fine,” answered Edmund, “Excluding the fact that I bumped him and we fell down.”

“Thou didst what!?” asked his parents in unison.

“Why art thee overreacting?” asked Edmund back.

But, someone knocked at the door. The three’s faces remained the emotions from the cut conversation. Then, Edmund’s mother sighed and stood up to get the door.

“Who could possibly this be?” she uttered as she pulled her hood on.

She turned the knob and finally opened the door.

“Who is it?” she asked with no emotion, then saw a familiar man in royal clothing.

“Da—Prin—Uh—King Darry?” she uttered as she recognized the person in front of her.

Then, a woman in an outstanding royal dress came into the view, along with a thirteen-year old boy.

“Eli- Queen Elithia, and Prince Erin!” continued Edmund’s mother.

“Where is he?” King Darry asked her.

She, out of astonishment, replied, “Who art thou lo—“

“The boy,” said the queen laconically.

“Marry,” exclaimed Edmund’s mother, “If this is about…Thy pardon, madam! I apologize—“

“That is not why we art hither,” the king interrupted.

“Wouldst it be something else, your worship?” asked Edmund’s mother politely.

“Thou art Princess Emira, art thee not?” asked the king confidently. “Art thou not my twin brother’s wife?”

This struck Edmund’s mother with surprise.

“Why didst you come here?” asked Edmund’s father who as he pulled his wife from the narrow doorstep.

The king spoke, “Ah, my brother—“

“Thou hast pulled our treasures for thou believed we stole thy son!” said Edmund’s father firmly and angrily.

“Then thou hast come with thy entire family to trouble me once again!” he continued as he stepped outside away from the doorstep.

“I wouldst like to know the truth!” shouted Edmund from inside the house.

“Anyone?” he continued as he also went outside the house.

“The truth would I like also,” said Prince Erin from the left side of his mother who walked to stand beside Edmund.

Then, there was silence.

“He is thy younger brother, Edmund,” spoke the latter’s mother, who was recognized now Princess Emira, teary-eyed as she stepped out of the house.

Edmund remained silent.

“Thou art sure, dear…?” asked her husband, who happened to be Prince Zedric.

“I had not been sure until now,” answered Emira.

“So that is the truth…” she continued, still teary-eyed, “The truth we never knew about that innocent baby left in front of our doorstep…”

“What?” asked Edmund, who now happened to be a prince and heir, in a silent voice, but Emira did not answer.

“Wouldst that giveth back our riches and turneth these rags to real clothing?” she finally asked, glaring at King Darry’s eyes.

“If that is what thou desire,” answered King Darry, feeling a little guilt. “Thou will have thy royalty once more.”

“We apologize…” murmured Queen Elithia. “Sister…We shouldn’t have accused thee when we heard that thou hast adopted a baby.”

Emira hugged her sister out of forgiveness and the latter hugged back.

“Now, the truth is revealed,” uttered Edmund. “Then, thou are not my parents...”

“That is the truth as it seems,” said Zedric.

“All these years…” continued Edmund, “In the end, I wouldst not be the beggar I hast been my entire life.”

Finally, he hugged his younger brother beside him who simply hugged him back, and all others lived the moment with scowls, sighs, and a few tears. Then, at last, harmony began to spring among the two troubled families, after all those hard feelings and issues they had encountered.
Last edited by Caerulean on Thu Aug 19, 2010 1:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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I really have no idea if my Archaic English here is correct and the ending was hurried. Anyways, we were told to make a story with a minimum of 5 pages by our English teacher for our homework, which was due after a few days. We are currently tackling the Literary Theories and he told us to make stories based from any of the theories we have already discussed, and I base mine from the Marxist Literary Theory. I don't know if I was successful though.
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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Hi.
I usually don't read long pieces, but you had no reviews! I assume that you have already handed it in to your teacher, but perhaps you will rewrite this and turn it into a nice story.

I love the ending, although it was a little predictable. The main problem was that it was a little hard to read. Some of the sentences don't flow right. So, let's look at that...
Whisperer wrote:Long ago, the Limshanks twin princes of Hallus Kingdom married the Dirailla twin princesses of Emephina Kingdom.
I believe the correct order is: the twin Limshanks princes...the twin Dirailla princesses.

Whisperer wrote:They have lived happily and lavishly and their status in the society was widely known.

When I first read this line, I thought their was a verb tense confusion, but I now know that their status was forgotten. So, I suggest saying, their status in the society was once widely known.

Whisperer wrote:Though, no one knew if they still have contact with one another. No one knew of what happened between the two families.

Verb tense confusion. Should read, No one knew if they still had contact with one another. No one knew what had happened between the two families.

Whisperer wrote:Edmund and his unrecognized parents were there too. His parents were wearing hoods for concealment, and the reason was unknown.

Almost sounds like they don't know why. Should be, Edmund and his unrecognizable parents were there too. His parents wore hoods for concealment, but he did not know why.

Whisperer wrote:“Farewell,” said the prince, who didn’t turn to the slave, to Edmund.

I think the best way to phrase this is said the prince to Edmund, but what you're really saying is said the prince, not turning to the slave but to Edmund.


I don't want you to look at all that and feel bad. You kept my attention. I've got music playing and some homework to do, but I read your whole story. You had me. You could probably draw this out some and add more detail. Maybe even make a short book.

--McMourning
"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices, " Captain Kathryn Janeway




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McMourning wrote:Hi.
I usually don't read long pieces, but you had no reviews! I assume that you have already handed it in to your teacher, but perhaps you will rewrite this and turn it into a nice story...

--McMourning


Hey, thanks for such an inspiring review XD! I knew this was too long, and I will edit now according to your review! Anyways, I think I may not have enough time to make this story longer because I have to finish 'The Inch' first.

Thanks again!
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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Hey Whisper!
You have requested me, and here I am :)
Alright, let's get started....

I.Characters
You characters were quite 2D in my opinion. Your writing is always more tell than show and because of that there is something lacking the characters. Just a little more description can do wonders and I hope you do that in the future because I honestly think it will help your writing. Edmund was sweet and I felt pity for him throughout the piece. Since this a short story you have to work twice as hard to get some sort of connection between your characters and the readers. Short stories are especially hard to write but I think you did a decent job at getting points across and getting a history, plot and resolution set in such a short amount of writing.

II. Punctuation/ Grammar
Alright, all was well. No typos, no misspelled words and it seemed like you really did edit and review before posting :)
With that being said, I think there were a few sentences where you were trying to put in too much information making it a bit difficult to understand but I can't find them now so forget it. XD
Um, there was one thing.
He was about to walk away when the vendor called her back.

I think it's supposed to be: 'called him back' right? ^^
Also, there were just a few tense errors I saw that you might want to catch.

III.Overall
There wasn't much to say about this. I mean it was good and interesting. The English got me sometimes but then you went ahead and explained what it meant by some sort of action or something and I understood. I'm no English pro but I think you did a pretty job :D
Adding some more description and perhaps making it longer can do some more justice to this. Other than that, I really don't know what to say >.<

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham



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