Broken

The love inside is dying
The love inside is trying
To give you a message
Through some sort of passage
That punches a hole
Inside my soul

The strangest of all
When I went to fall
Right then you catched me
Something I didn't see
You dropped me again
To me it's a sin

My heart is broken
From you damn poison
It killed me from inside
No more reason to hide
I'm taking my heart back
From your kind of sh*t that
Has broken me
Someone you can't see

As soon as I died
I woke up and cried
My heart had been shattered
To red crystal pieces
My chest hurt so badly
You gladly kicked it again

This dead angel
Is not going down
Without a fight
For my crown

My heart is broken
From your damn poison
It killed me from inside
No more reason to hide
I'm taking my heart back
From your kind of sh*t that
Has broken me
Someone you can't see

Ohhhh, why?
Why did I cry
For you

You're sleeping like a babe
Now i've got a knife
To plunge into your heart
I've sent you to your grave
Now you now how I felt
My sweet revenge!

My heart was broken
Due to your poison
It killed me inside
No more reason to hide
I took my heart back
Gave it to a boy that
Will never break me
Someone you never saw

I hope you like these lyrics. I wrote them myself with no help whatsoever and I worked really hard on it. Just hope it's good.

Oooooh boy! It would figure she would stab him in the heart -- literally! XD

Anyway, first of all, I deleted your previous review since it was spam and... yeah. We don't allow that sort of stuff. But hopefully this review will compensate for it.

Anyway! You don't have to censor out the word "shit." If you want to use that word, just change the rating to 12+ so that people know that they should be cautious when clicking.

Now, as far as the actual song goes, it's very twisted! Especially the ending part, when she actually twists a knife in... ohnoes! But one thing that may help you with this poem is to make the ending less random... I can't actually hear the song, so maybe it'll be okay, but I generally like songs that suggest that violence is going to come at the very beginning. Not that the other stuff isn't good! It is! But I like violence... and yes, I am a horrible person.

Also, because this is a song, as opposed to a narrative poem, you might considering adding a chorus. It helps you tie in all the ideas in your song in a pretty spiffy way.

Nice stuff!

hey i reckon these lyrics are pretty cool.

at one point you say

TokioHotelVampire wrote:Right then you catched me

catched is not a word. the past tense of catch is caught, and it won't ruin your rhythm or anything coz it has the same number of syllables.

also, and i've been told this about my own lyrics, some of the rhyming seems a bit forced. i know as well as anyone when you sing you can make anything sound like anything and i guess in a song it doesn't really matter if a sentence doesn't quite make sense so it probably doesn't matter.

anyway, good job!