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Bad title? Probably. There's a contest for only using dialogue in a piece and I thought I'd try it out. Tear it apart! Questions, comments, concerns? Likes? Dislikes? Thank you!
I was stuck on ideas but my friend was watching Teen Mom.. so here ya go.

"Come on in, the doors unlocked."

"Uh, hi, Drew. Your mom let me in."

"Hey, baby, no problem... is everything alright?"

"Yeah. I mean, kinda. I think we need to talk."

"Rachel...what's the problem?"

"It's- it's just- do you remember that night, at Samantha Greenwich’s party"

"Oh, yeah, baby I do, that was a great night"

"No, please stop touching me. We- we have a problem."

"A problem? What kinda problem?"

"I'm late."

"Late? Late for what? Do you need to go somewhere."

"No! Sit back down! I'm late!"

"You're...?"

"Exactly,"

"But how! We used a..."

"I know! I know! Here move over so I can sit, I don't know why it happened, or how it happened, but it did."

"Are you sure- Oh baby, please stop crying. It'll be okay."

"Are you joking! There's no way this is going to be okay! Or course I’m sure!"

"Maybe-"

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe there's a way to... stop it."

"WHAT? You mean like kill it?"

"No! I mean maybe. Rach, please sit back down. Haven't you even thought about it?"

"Of course I've thought about it! For the past week I've thought about! I considered it, not even telling you and getting it over with. Pretending it never happened. But I can't do that.”

"You weren't gonna tell me?"

"I didn’t want to worry you, or well, I didn't want you to hate me or regret... what we did."

"Regret it! I don't regret it at all. And I will never, ever, hate you. I love you too much. Aw, Rach, stop crying."

"I'm sorry, I - can I please have a tissue? thanks - I just don't know what we are gonna do. Drew, we are only sixteen."

"I know, baby, I know, but we'll get through this."

"My parents are gonna kill me."

"Who needs them. Hell, who needs anyone.”

“I do!”

“I get my license in four months. We can leave this place. I can get a job we can get a little apartment. It'll be great"

"Drew, be realistic!"

"I am! Don't you see! It's so easy, we can drive to Vegas, get married. We can start our whole life!"

"Drew-"

"Drew, honey, time for dinner! Rachel, will you be staying?"

"Um, no thanks, Mrs. Michelson, I'll just be heading home,"

"Bye, baby. Trust me, it will work out."

“Really?”

“Really.”
-----

"Hello?"

"Hi, Drew?"

"Rachel?"

"Um, sorry did I wake you?"

"Baby, it's three am, yes. Is everything alright?"

"Oh, oh sorry I forgot, I just, I have some good news."

"Good news?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Why don't you sound happy?"

"I- I don't know. I'm just shocked... it's early. Are you sure?"

"Yup, 100% I guess we won't have to get married in Vegas after all."

"Yeah, I guess not..."

"Well, you sound really tired, so goodnight!"

*click*

"Goodnight, Rachel."

I will make a prediction now: Provided there is decent participation, the winner of that contest will use dialogue in a very interesting, compelling manner that allows us to see what is going on, not just hear. It will draw us into an emotion, not just a scene.

That said, this piece is very straightforward and uninspired.

"Late? Late for what? Do you need to go somewhere."

We've seen that joke a hundred times before.

"I know! I know! Here move over so I can sit, I don't know why it happened, or how it happened, but it did."
"Are you sure- Oh baby, please stop crying. It'll be okay."

There is no hint of crying in her words. If she's going to cry believably, she'll have to use more desperate words.

Besides him using the word "Baby" (which, is kind of obnoxious, really. But maybe it's because I had a roommate once who only ever called his girlfriend baby. She was even listed in his cellphone phonebook as "baby." And he talked to her on the phone while I was in the room for hours), the two characters do not have independent personalities. They are the same person with the same voice and intonations. Which is great for their relationship, but boring for a story.

And yet, their relationship doesn't feel that real. Probably because of formal lines like this:

Drew, we are only sixteen."

that lack contraction.

“I get my license in four months. We can leave this place. I can get a job we can get a little apartment. It'll be great"
"Drew, be realistic!"
"I am! Don't you see! It's so easy, we can drive to Vegas, get married. We can start our whole life!"

Go to Vegas? Also clichéd and uninspired.

"Oh, oh sorry I forgot, I just, I have some good news."
"Good news?"
"I'm not pregnant!"
"Really?"

Well, that problem resolved itself. Not exactly exciting.

Also, rename this with a real title.

I suggest you put together something more interesting. A conflict that we haven't seen a hundred times before, characters whose words aren't taken from a hundred movies, and a conflict that doesn't resolve itself. Use some more emotion.

Keep your chin up and keep trying!

#FF8000 ">Phoenix lands for a review.

"Late? Late for what? Do you need to go somewhere."

Let's face it by now any high school level teen knows what this means and by saying this this character looks extra stupid.


"

WHAT? You mean like kill it?"

Don't use caps. It's a cheap way of having a person seemed surprised or angry.

"No! I mean maybe. Rach, please sit back down. Haven't you even thought about it?"

Huh? Okay you need tags. I'm not sure who's saying what.

"I know, baby, I know, but we'll get through this."

His constant use of baby is slightly annoying.

"Baby, it's three am, yes. Is everything alright?"

With the baby again. It a rather silly nickname considering the situation they are in.



I'm sorry. I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to dialogue and I found this a bit cliche and flat. To do this effectively there needs to be a major conflict that can be shown through speech. This is idea is not one of them. The conversation is far too done.

Also what little conflict you did have was deflated once you revealed that she was not pregnant. It could have worked it in some way the guy was sad that she wasn't pregnant because he really did want to start a family with her. That could have redeemed the ending but I still find the whole idea a little flat.

I'm sorry if I was too harsh.

#FF8000 ">Phoenix flies away.

This story doesn't really go anywhere for me, and I think it could be pretty powerful. I like the idea of entirely dialogue, but it makes things more confusing than subtle. I agree with the person above me that you should stop with the nicknames, unless it makes more sense. And the "late" thing is also some what of a stretch. Overall, interesting idea.

That was cute. I mean, considering all you could use was dialogue. Because it was only dialogue, though, you need to make it more understandable so that the reader knows who's speaking.
It was very cliche and predictable for me. I mean the boy is always the devoted boyfriend and the pregenant girl. Happens a lot in life and in the stories. This exact situation is done over and over again. You need to find a way to make it yours. Make it different, make it believeable and unique.
I think you could have made the couple more...more, also. I mean, the boy was so excited about starting a life with her, and the girl was very reluctant. Then right as she says she wasn't pregenant the guy just sort-of going, 'O-okay.'
Basically, what I'm saying is that you need to give them seperate personalties in their dialogue. Choose your words for them wisely and give them maybe special things that they say, or something. I don't know.
It was cute in a cliched sort of way, but it would have bene nice if it had been more unique.

Happy writing,
~Chryssa

I agree with most things that people have said here. The constant use of, baby, did get a bit annoying but also its kind of sweet in away. But i do think that everyone is being just a little bit too hard on you D:
I really did like this peice, i found myself wanting to read more - so thats always good! The only thing i didn't like was the ending. I was quite disappointed that she didn't end up being pregnant. With a little bit of work this could be a great read.
Very good for only dialouge!
Keep writing!
Born xx

I just wanted to say that I dont think a teenage boy would be that excited about getting married and having a kid.

Maybe I'm a bit critical even though I just joined YWS, but I guess it's just the truth. Besides, you told us to take it apart. The "I'm late" part of the story sounds like something from Twilight. I feel that that's a bad thing, but if you're a Twihard....it's also a bad thing. And the sudden skip to Rachel suddenly telling him that she's not pregnant is a bit sudden. But maybe I'm just imagining it wrong....
Personally, I dislike stories with only dialogue because I leaves out the most important thing: emotions and actions. But I hope this helped