Nate

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I had tried everything to stop him. Now I stand on the sidelines as I watch my best friend destroy his life. I watch him throw away everything for a limited joy. I don’t think I can continue to watch but some how I am rooted to the spot as if my feet were glued to the ground. In the shadows he has no idea that I am beating myself up for allowing him to this
I have been friends with Nate since we were in preschool. Back then it didn’t seem like anything bad would ever happen to him or our friendship. I thought that we would be buds forever. When he moved I was so bummed. I was glad to here that he had come back a few years later, but something had changed.
When Nate was gone I was a model child; the perfect son to any parent and the perfect student to any teacher. Before Nate left we were both the perfect boys. Best friends and the smartest students. When Nate came back he had become something entirely different. He had left for only three years but event that short amount of time altered something inside his brain. He became a rebel. He hated his parents, school, and sometimes me. I wanted my old friend back. Slowly it got worse. He pierced his ear and made a habit of getting called to the principles office towards the end of our elementary years. He used to be a boy scout and at the end of Fifth grade he stopped caring altogether about his friends. I was no longer cool. It hurt to think that we would no longer be friends. When sixth grade ended and we separated for different Jr. Highs we were no longer the two perfect boys. We were broken up and while I remained a good kid he became the exact opposite.
We continued to run into each other at church of all places. I started to see what middle school had done to him. He got a second piercing and a girlfriend. I was surprised to hear a girl would actually be attracted to him. I also had a girl friend. When he heard about he just laughed like it wasn’t true. When I brought her to church I could tell he still didn’t believe me.
He started picking on me when he was around his friends. Everything I did was uncool. I found out he was friends with a smoker and that he hated his school because they were all goody-to-shoe kids. “The girls were too conservative and the guys only cared about school”, were his exact words. Then before I knew it he was grabbed up by a monster that could easily kill him.
I never thought that this boy who would preach the Bible to me would ever do drugs but boy was I wrong. I was at a party that a friend of Nate was hosting. I knew partying with him was a bad idea but I couldn’t say no. The idea that maybe he had changed was intriguing. When he said there was a party I thought he meant there would be supervision and that nothing was going to happen. I mean we were still in middle school. Now I wish I hadn’t gone.
The party was a mix between high school and college party’s. There were red cups of beer littering every where. A white fog filled all of the rooms as well as the smell of sweat and smoke. I could barely breathe. I wanted to get out of the house and leave but Nate told me that he and I had to stay and go to the best part of the party. I was hoping that meant it was ending. I didn’t fit in with any of the people here. All the girls at the party were caked in make-up and wearing clothes that they could have only of obtained by rooting their older sisters closet. There were so many people making out that the amount of spit that they swapped could have filled the pool that I spotted out back along with several tube tops lying on the pool chairs. We walked into the smokiest room of all. I stood back as I watched my best friend join the circle. There were about four guys as well as two girls who were sitting around a table. In the center of the table was a bowl made of tinfoil that was filled with white powder as well as a few cigarettes lying around it. Nate sat down and picked up one of the cigarettes. He put it to his lips and took a drag. I never knew what happened to him after that. I left the room and never went back.
I moved away a year later and stopped going to the church he was at. I couldn’t face him. I never found out if he ended up quitting or died of cancer. I honestly don’t think I will ever want to know.
Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing. -- Benjamin Franklin




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Hi there, I'm Pink and I'll be doing a short review for you today :)

Nitpicks

I was glad to here that he had come back a few years later, but something had changed.

*Hear

He hated his parents, school, and sometimes me

I don't think you need a comma before and.

He pierced his ear and made a habit of getting called to the principles office towards the end of our elementary years.

wrong word, it's principal's office. Also remember the apostrophe. The office belongs to the principal.
When he heard about (it) he just laughed like it wasn’t true. When I brought her to church I could tell he still didn’t believe me.

I moved away a year later and stopped going to the church he was at. I couldn’t face him. I never found out if he ended up quitting or died of cancer

I think the cancer part was a little out of the blue.
_______________
Overall

Okay, so I liked the message your story tells, live above the influence!!!
Your character is sweet but I don't even know his name, at least mention it once. Also, I think you did too much of telling. Like he did this and then that and I felt like this and like that. Use more emotion to make your writing worth a read. Using descriptive words can totally alter this short story and make more joyous to read. That was my main concern with this piece. I caught a few mistakes here and there but nothing a good solid review session won't fix. Other than that, I liked this story, it could cut deep if you spent some more time on it.
Keep it up!

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hiya, Aouther2b. I read this and was like..."ooh that's sad." That's never happened to me before but still I've heard about this happening to some people in my school. But I have one spot to change.
aouther2b wrote:I was glad to #FF0000 "> hear

This is "hear." Not "Here."
Well overall, I Like it. Is this true? Eh, Well i'll stop bugging you now. ;)
~Ladypurple
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn




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Hello there :)

Now I stand on the sidelines#FF0000 ">, watching my best friend destroy his life.


I have been friends with Nate since we were in preschool. Back then it didn’t seem like anything bad would ever happen to him or our friendship. I thought that we would be buds forever. Start a new paragraph hereWhen he moved I was so bummed. I was glad to here that he had come back a few years later, but something had changed.


I think that there is more you could have done with this. To me, this piece strikes me as an abstract of a story you want to write. Everything was just rushed and I did not properly feel that loss the MC was feeling because of the rushed story. Take time to develop your ideas so that you can connect with the reader a bit more.
But this was a good story line, not something absolutely unique but you did not make a dread of it.

Keep writing.
The best is what you make it!

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Words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind