Too soon

I don't know how to delete this...???
Please tell me if you know how.
Cheers Born.

I like this. It is very original, and has a hint of personality to give it that extra 'boost'.

My mum always told me life it like a trampoline, some days you’re up and some days you’re down.

This part had me for a few seconds, I believe the "it" should be "is" or "was".

Overall, you used the diagnosis of cancer to give the main character Marcus a reason to live, a reason for the reader to keep paying attention to further parts, and the ultimate prospect of a cure or happy ending.

Six months isn’t that long if you think about it, not if that’s all you have left. 6 months – 184 days – 264960 seconds. A lot of numbers but hardly any time

I liked the use of numbers here, although the ending has bit of the 'glass half empty" approach versus the 'glass half full'. If you think I am making fun of something serious, I'm not. At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes. That's a lot different than cancer, but in both cases your outlook changes. My personal outlook changed to think positive. Perhaps that quote above is the ultimate downfall of your character if they believe six months is "hardly any time". In the long run, and certainly in geologic terms you would be right, but from the point of view of a person who has just been diagnosed with Cancer, this seems to pull the story into an area of gloom, which could be hard to overcome.

Aloha! Before anything, there is a typo in your title, which is a really bad place to have a typo. It should be Too soon. There are quite a few grammatical errors throughout the piece as well, so please proofread next time before posting.

My mum always told me life #FF0000 ">it like a trampoline

It = is.

Also, check out Demeter's Dialogue Punctuation Guide, because you have some scattered errors in that department. Here's another article you should take a look at, about comma splices and semi-colons.

“What do you mean, Marcus?” my mother asked me, tears rolled out of her eyes.

Needs to be either:
"What do you mean, Marcus?" my mother asked me, tears roll#FF0000 ">ing out of her eyes.
or
“What do you mean, Marcus?” my mother asked me#FF0000 ">; tears rolled out of her eyes.

Overall

Interesting! First of all, is this a short story, or will it be continued? I only ask because you mention a prologue, but prologues are generally just used in novels. If this is indeed the beginning of a longer project, which I think it has to be, just PM me and I'll move it to the appropriate forum.

Really, I didn't like the prologue, that first paragraph. It's empty. It gives no information, no insight. You might argue that it gives the character personality and depth, but it really just makes your narrator seem depressing and whiny (not that he has no reason to whine, but from a purely literary standpoint). I say you cut it and start with the actual substance of the story.

Although I was a bit confused since your Part 1 didn't start until halfway through. What do you call all that story between the prologue and Part 1? It really doesn't make sense to have a Part 1 without a Part 2.

As far as the actual story goes, the first thing you need to do is brush up on your grammar. Grammatical mistakes are major distractions. After you do that, lengthen this scene. This is a highly pivotal moment in your character's life, but you breeze through it. Half of this is just introspection, with that prologue and the second to last segment. You're missing out on the genuine emotion and reaction of this family, of the nurse, of everyone involved. They'd need to contact the doctor first. Does the boy have a father, any siblings? If so, they'd all need to be talked to. The mother would probably argue a bit more. There would be more internal struggle within Marcus. It's all rushed right now.

So, my advice is to allow Marcus to stop and smell the flowers! Describe the hospital room, describe what's going on, follow the actions and reactions in this scene, and don't be afraid to let a conversation develop here. Best of luck, and PM me if you need anything.

~Evi

EDIT: I'll lock the topic for you; we can't actually delete stories, but that will make it so others cannot post new topics. ^_^

Thanks.
I wrote this when i was bored, my English teacher says just write and see what happens. This is what happened for me. But i'm not going to finish it
Born xx